Dear Mumsnet,
Me and my DH had the most amazing wedding. Everything went smoothly except for one thing.
My wedding dress had been promised to me as a gift to keep by my brother's DP and her DM who own a bridal boutique.
This gift which was announced at the time of our engagement over a year and a half ago, was above and beyond my expectations and I was very grateful for it. It was the reason that I was willing to travel to another country where the boutique is based for the fittings and collection. In fact, I travelled for the final fitting and collection just one week before my wedding which was quite stressful.
But all of that didn't matter because I was still really grateful that it was a gift and was willing to put in the extra effort.
On the day of the collection however, when the dress had just been packed into my suitcase, they mentioned in passing that my brother's GF would be taking the dress back with her after the wedding, as though that had been the agreement all along. I didn't react immediately because I was too shocked and because I wanted to doublecheck correspondence and see that they had indeed gifted it to me.
Sure enough when I checked my phone later I found the message where my brother’s GF had announced that her and her DM had decided to gift me a wedding dress to keep because they consider me to be family. I have a screenshot of that. At this point I still didn’t say anything to not create drama just before the wedding.
It’s also worth mentioning that the DM of my brother’s GF (owner of the boutique and designer of the dresses) had imposed specific demands on me regarding photography and social media promotion for the boutique and still wants me to keep that side of the deal.
Additionally, just before I left for the airport to return home the next day, my brother’s GF asked me if I would agree to post the dress back instead so that her luggage wouldn’t be increased and pay for the postage because her family wouldn’t be willing to. That is when I discretely said that I hadn’t budgeted for that cost because the dress had originally been gifted and she replied that she didn’t remember what had been agreed and in any case the dress was part of the new collection so couldn’t be gifted. Funnily enough, I remember clearly a few months before when I asked which collection the dress belonged to that they told me it was part of an old collection they couldn’t even remember. But that is irrelevant since even if it was true they should’ve told me at the time when I selected the dress over a year ago.
As soon as I parted from them I was able to cry the tears I had been holding back which were tears of sadness and anger since I realised that nobody - not even my brother or his GF had my back to tell me the dress had been ungifted and just be open and transparent with me instead of pretending they don’t remember or that it was part of the wrong collection.
The money I paid for the flights had exceeded the cost of hiring a wedding dress in my own country which would have been much easier for me to do. And the stress of travelling just one week before my wedding when I should’ve been at home doing so many other jobs can’t be measured.
It is now nearly one week after the wedding and I haven’t mentioned anything about it yet as I wanted the bubble of the wedding to pass and not taint it with this drama. However, my brother’s GF’s sister who works at the boutique is already questioning why I’m not tagging the brand on a few Instagram posts I reposted from my suppliers and has also today reminded me that they want me to improve their website.
Because of this pushiness and the fact that my brother himself reached out on her behalf to question why I wasn’t doing a better job of promoting the brand on my social media, I feel it is time to address the elephant in the room.
I am almost certain that they aren’t expecting me to say anything because they think I won’t want to rock the boat which is also why they did it in the first place.
My brother has been dishonest in the past too, having taken money from an account which was set up for a family project and using it for his own needs (he apologised after I pushed him to) and I’m pretty sure he’s been dishonest about many other things as well.
His values which are very different to mine make him think that it’s not a bad thing to lie and he seems to think that he gets away with it and nobody notices his dishonesty.
His GF is the same and together they feel they are a power couple - they are very domineering and competitive in group situations.
Me and my DH are down to earth people that don’t like conflict so we have never clashed with them but this seems like a step too far and I’m determined to at least get an honest explanation if I’m to continue having anything to do with them.
I have messaged my brother and asked him to call me to speak privately but he has said that he would rather I just text him because he’s busy. I know that he won’t call me even though I said that a text message wasn’t appropriate for this conversation.
Therefore, my plan is to text him about it and include the screenshot which proves that it had been gifted to me and end by saying that I expect an explanation at the very least especially if the boutique is expecting me to be sharing photographs from the wedding with them.
It is very disappointing because I did think that my relationship with my brother and his GF was improving since they were very excited about the wedding.