Thank you for your advice. My whole style is gushing, literally I cannot give a gift without a big bow on it!
Ok, he did call me back, he was stepping onto the plane before. I am aware that avoidant and anxious people seem to find each other. He actually said the same has happened in the past with him.
Just for the avoidance of doubt, I don't message other than to make arrangements or ask questions; I just am more of a talker rather than a messager - but I assume that your point still stands.
It is not the words themselves op, it’s the vibe behind them. It’s the desperation, the clinginess, the self abandonment and the obsessing. The fear. I’m not saying you actually act this out. You don’t need to. It will be there in your body language and expressions and words. And please don’t think I’m criticising you, I also have anxious attachment and it has caused me a lifetime of problems.
It’s not your fault. It’s your nervous system. The first thing to do is to stop self abandoning. We fear abandonment because we self abandon. Then when we are actually abandoned we are truly alone, we have no one, not even ourselves because we betrayed and abandoned ourselves. Secure people still have their own selves and can self sooth.
The second thing is to take your energy off him and put it on yourself. Stop giving him all your love and support and start giving it to yourself. Do lovely things for yourself. Treat yourself how you treat him. Hug yourself. Say lovely kind things to yourself. Try to meet some of your need for love yourself.
It’s my view that anxious attachment is just lack of self love, which is why we try so hard to get it off other people.