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Original poster

OLD match fishing for compliments

33 replies

KittiKatkins · 28/03/2023 08:05

Matched with a guy on Tinder. He messaged first and in his message asked the question 'what was it about me that attracted you and made you swipe right?'. Made me uncomfortable, as it felt as though he was fishing for compliments. So I ignored it and talked about something else. He replied and asked the same question. I unmatched. Was I unreasonable? Just that I've been on the receiving end of so much shitty treatment since I've been on OLD and it's left me feeling pretty sensitive. So I wasn't particularly inclined to waste my time bolstering some random's no doubt already inflated ego. I thought the question was a bit narcissistic. Any thoughts much appreciated.

OP posts:
CuriouslyDifferent · 28/03/2023 08:08

well If OLD is anything to go by…

The small percentage that usually get swiped right on - are narcissistic and you’ve fallen into the usual trap.

if he wasn’t part of the gifted 10%, he was probably in shock that after 6 months of being on the site - finally gets a bite - and has now screwed it up.

Original poster
KittiKatkins · 28/03/2023 08:20

He was relatively attractive (by Tinder standards anyway, which isn't saying much, given that the bar is subterranean), so I presume that he wanted me to compliment his looks. Gave me the ick!

OP posts:
yentirb · 28/03/2023 08:30

It's make me uncomfortable too OP and I'd of unmatched too

Redebs · 28/03/2023 08:34

I clicked on this expecting to read about mature competitive angling 🙄

Original poster
KittiKatkins · 28/03/2023 08:35

Thanks yentirb. I was wondering if I had overreacted, so glad you would have done the same x

OP posts:
Original poster
KittiKatkins · 28/03/2023 08:36

Redebs · 28/03/2023 08:34

I clicked on this expecting to read about mature competitive angling 🙄

Haha! 😀

OP posts:
callthataspade · 28/03/2023 08:38

To be devils advocate when I was on old lots of people seem to swipe right on everyone.

Then when you start talking it became painfully apparent they'd not even read your bio.

Maybe he's has the same and wanted to see if you'd actually read what he'd written.

I liked it when someone matched and mentioned something I'd put. Films or music or whatever. It shows an interest in you

However all this goes out the window if all he wanted was you to compliment his looks... that's just ego boosting shit!

Good luck out there.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/03/2023 08:39

Honestly I wouldn’t even give him that much thought

you didn’t like it and reacted accordingly

I also second guess myself sometimes
but now I don’t 😂 , whatever I think is right

regardless of what others thinks

Tirrrrred · 28/03/2023 08:45

My brothers just joined tinder after 22 years with his ex wife.

He is honestly the most kindest helpful lad I know. Better than my husband, BIL's. I worry women will think he's like this. Obviously not all are creeps but how can you actually tell?

Naunet · 28/03/2023 09:25

I remember being asked this question too when I was doing online dating years ago, I hated it too, I wasn’t even sure that I was attracted to them at that point, more just had a little curiosity, so I didn’t want to start making declarations! It just felt like pressure to me.

IslandMeat · 28/03/2023 10:06

I wouldn't have interpreted that single question as trying to fish for compliments, I read it as a way to find out what you are interested in so you have something to talk about and so he understands what made the connection rather than him wanting an ego boost. It's very normal to ask what made you contact me as a way to see if the profile was read rather than a bot or careless meaningless match I think he wanted to verify your intentions, see if you are genuine and open up the conversation rather than massage his ego. Maybe you're becoming too jaded from OLD and should take a break?

IslandMeat · 28/03/2023 10:07

I think it was rude how you glossed over it and I'm glad he was assertive enough to ask again. Massive chip on your shoulder!!

IslandMeat · 28/03/2023 10:09

Guys on OLD also get shit messages from women, from online prostitutes and time wasters, bots, fakes... it's shit on their end as well so they have to verify and check the human.

offencint · 28/03/2023 10:15

I wouldn't have interpreted that single question as trying to fish for compliments, I read it as a way to find out what you are interested in so you have something to talk about and so he understands what made the connection rather than him wanting an ego boost. It's very normal to ask what made you contact me as a way to see if the profile was read rather than a bot or careless

I agree @IslandMeat

I've never done OLD but that sounds like a standard conversation opening question. I might ask it myself. It would be asking about the profile as a whole and if we had similar interests or life philosophy, opinions, politics, that made them swipe rather than just appearance based. I would answer based on what was written.

lala2023 · 28/03/2023 10:37

@offencint well I am not sure how vaild your opinion is having never tried online dating to be honest

I hate that question, especially so early on, why not ask something about you ? Or your interests ?

I don't tend to reply when I get asked that

SimoneSimone · 28/03/2023 12:50

Why did you swipe right on him? That's all he wanted to know, it's a very reasonable question. Nobody likes their time being wasted.

GodspeedJune · 28/03/2023 12:54

I had this once or twice and also found it a big turn off. Comes across as insecure and fishing for compliments to me.

Pixiedust1234 · 28/03/2023 12:58

I think its an odd question so early on, surely its better to have conversation, any conversation, for the first few messages. It feels kind of aggressive even if it wasn't meant to be.

I see the "but it happens to men too" brigade are here early 🙄

WagyuBeef · 28/03/2023 13:03

It could be that he thinks that you're cat fishing him and he wants to know if you're for real. Also say if he's a massive Star Trek fan you say you matched him because of that then it gives him something to talk about. If you just matched him for his looks then you might be a bit shallow.

Notaboutthebass · 28/03/2023 13:51

Nothing wrong with that, it's a decent conversation starter. And I'm really picky with what people say to me on OLD. He might have been really nice!

PennyForearm · 28/03/2023 14:05

I'd have thought he was looking for some common ground, like was it one of his listed hobbies or interests that made you swipe.

Original poster
KittiKatkins · 28/03/2023 14:08

His profile contained very little information, so basically the only thing that I had to go on was his appearance. And of course in hindsight, I shouldn't have swiped right, but I did so because he lives locally (not many people do) and he didn't look like an axe murderer. I'm sorry if that makes me shallow, but pickings are slim on Tinder. Had he provided plenty of info and had asked 'what appealled to you about my profile?' then I wouldn't have had a problem picking up on common interests and using that as a starter to engage in conversation. However, he specifically asked what I found attractive about him, and as all I had to go on were a series of photos, I interpreted that as being asked to compliment his looks.

OP posts:
Original poster
KittiKatkins · 28/03/2023 15:33

IslandMeat · 28/03/2023 10:07

I think it was rude how you glossed over it and I'm glad he was assertive enough to ask again. Massive chip on your shoulder!!

I have no doubt that this will reinforce your view that I have a massive chip on my shoulder, but I actually think that as women, we would be far happier and safer if we were to spend more time protecting our boundaries and less time worrying about being rude to men. And are we really supposed to answer every question put to us in the interests of not causing offence? How about 'bj tonight?' or 'feeling horny?', both of which I've been charmingly asked in opening messages. Presumably by your standards, I was demonstrating a deplorable lack of manners in blocking and deleting ......

OP posts:
Fuckstix · 28/03/2023 16:07

Ah well if he hadn't given you anything to go on in his profile then it sounds like fishing for compliments about his looks, perhaps with a view to starting a more sexual/ physical line of conversation. If he had gone to the trouble of writing a bit about his interests etc then I'd think it was potentially looking for common ground. Quite a pushy thing to ask rather than letting things unfold either way so i understand you.

offencint · 28/03/2023 16:35

His profile contained very little information, so basically the only thing that I had to go on was his appearance.

In that case he was only fishing for compliments, if only appearance to go on, and you probably took the best course of action. I wouldn't have replied either