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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

OLD match fishing for compliments

33 replies

KittiKatkins · 28/03/2023 08:05

Matched with a guy on Tinder. He messaged first and in his message asked the question 'what was it about me that attracted you and made you swipe right?'. Made me uncomfortable, as it felt as though he was fishing for compliments. So I ignored it and talked about something else. He replied and asked the same question. I unmatched. Was I unreasonable? Just that I've been on the receiving end of so much shitty treatment since I've been on OLD and it's left me feeling pretty sensitive. So I wasn't particularly inclined to waste my time bolstering some random's no doubt already inflated ego. I thought the question was a bit narcissistic. Any thoughts much appreciated.

OP posts:

callmeblondee · 28/03/2023 17:10

IslandMeat · 28/03/2023 10:07

I think it was rude how you glossed over it and I'm glad he was assertive enough to ask again. Massive chip on your shoulder!!

Nope. It is a shit convo starter, dull as ditchwater and cringe af. He could have said hello and made some observations about her profile, which is what I do, I wouldnt dream of asking someone "so what attracted you to me" on a first message, yuk. Grim. OP you are right to have unmatched. Keep it moving!!

callmeblondee · 28/03/2023 17:15

GodspeedJune · 28/03/2023 12:54

I had this once or twice and also found it a big turn off. Comes across as insecure and fishing for compliments to me.

Yep agreed - I would immediately unmatch too.
Why is it so hard for people to understand that online dating is like being in a bar, would you make eye contact with a man in a bar, say hello and then expect him to say "WHY DID YOU JUST SMILE AT ME" "tell me why you have approached me" hahah! No he could have opened the convo in a different way by noticing things about her profile. The fact he made it all about him immediately is so boring!

Zanatdy · 28/03/2023 17:27

Well I’d have said because I found you attractive - or I liked your profile etc. Isnt that what OLD is, letting someone know you like them. Why not ask the question. I wouldn’t have been offended

Carlycat · 28/03/2023 23:46

Personally I wouldn't swipe right on any guy with a blank info, but his question would certainly have rung alarm bells for me 🚩

MistySkiesAreGone · 29/03/2023 05:06

I think the lesson is don't swipe on a rubbish profile.

Original poster

KittiKatkins · 29/03/2023 07:29

MistySkiesAreGone · 29/03/2023 05:06

I think the lesson is don't swipe on a rubbish profile.

Haha - completely agree!! Lesson learned!

OP posts:

Alcemeg · 06/06/2023 14:10

I haven't RTFT but have read your posts, OP.

I think he wants a relationship with you but is disinclined to take the risk of spoiling your friendship by jumping in without some kind of encouragement from your direction.

Since you feel the same way, why not give it a go?

The worst that can happen is that it doesn't work out.

VirgoQueen · 06/06/2023 15:21

I would have said "because you don't look like a axe murderer'

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