Just about to leave DP and dad suddenly very ill

[Pigeotto]

Not sure how to feel.

Left the house this morning with no intention of returning home. DP has always been very angry, easily triggered, gets in my face, blocks me, takes my devices, throws stuff etc

He’s just messaged to say his dads been taken into hospital, I suspect with cancer.

Not sure what to do or think? The spiteful part of me still wants to leave. He’s been nasty for such a long time before this. I’m really struggling to find empathy right now

What they all said. Seriously. You won't be helping anyone by putting yourself back in the line of abuse. If you feel guilty, drop a donation to a cancer charity or something. There are a lot of people suffering in this world and many of them deserve support more than your ex-DP. Meanwhile he appreciated the privilege of your company so little that he effectively drove you away.

If you haven't already, I recommend not answering or acknowledging his text. Keep going and don't look back.

Well if he wants / needs your support during difficult times, he really should have thought about that. If he suffers more because you have left then tough luck. He shouldn't have been abusive. Suit yourself OP. You don't deserve to be abused.

Sounds like you owe him the square root of fuck all.
Keep walking.

Very convenient timing. Even if it's real think about it, cancer can be battle that goes on for years. Do you still want to be there in 3 years time, him taking all his stress and anger out on you? You don't owe him a single moment of your time. Whatever's going on he doesn't deserve your energy or your concern or any consideration. You deserve more, you deserve to leave, you deserve to feel peaceful and safe, you deserve to be protected, not emotionally beaten.

Get your self together. If you have a really great relationship with his dad, you can still go visit him in hospital if you like.

It's not spiteful to leave at all. It's self preservation.

Sounds like he has a good distraction and reason for leaving you alone.
His dad and his problem, put yourself first like you intended for once.

Let him off.

Do not respond.

Very suspicious timing but even if its true, don't allow this to dissuade you from leaving a highly abusive violent relationship.

Throwing things is DV.

Take your chance and be gone.

Don't be used by him if his father is ill.

It's over.

@Pigeotto you need to stop putting his wants and needs before your own.

If he had been a decent partner to you, you'd be able to comfort him but he made the choice every day to abuse you just because he could and now you are expected to run to him? Noooope.

Text him back "I'm sorry to hear that." That's it.

You are out. Move on and don't talk to him again unless it specifically relates to the divorce.

You owe him NOTHING more of yourself. You already gave him everything and he threw it back in your face.

He's abusing you. There's always going to be a 'reason' not to leave.
Don't let him use it to manipulate/ guilt you into staying in an abusive relationship

Does he know you were planning to leave ? If so I wouldn't believe him for a second anyway

Don't go back. Leave, block, move on to a brighter, happier future for yourself.

I agree with the other posters - continue with your plans to leave this abusive and dangerous situation at your earliest opportunity. You can still sympathise regarding his father's illness (if it's really true) from a place of safety.

Ensure you do an online change of address online with the post office and that you take all your own important documentation or items of sentimental value with you when you go - preferably stashed somewhere safe before you leave.

Also ensure you remove him as a beneficiary from any legal documentation (your Will?) including your work death in service or anything else related.

Good luck OP. 🌹

I would still go.

How are you @Pigeotto ?
Even if he did reel you back in, you can still get away.