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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why!

41 replies

QueenConsort · 27/03/2023 20:21

Why would a man pretend to care for you and have feelings when they don't?

Why do they like the ego boost?

I just don't understand it, my feelings are real.

OP posts:
sunseaandme · 27/03/2023 20:30

Didn't want to read and run. No advice just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through something where you're made to feel this way Flowers I think some people string other people along for their own entertainment / to make them feel less lonely even when they aren't even interested in them. It's cruel and awful xx

Original poster
QueenConsort · 27/03/2023 20:31

Thank you xxx

OP posts:
qqq82 · 27/03/2023 20:33

No idea
But I've been there
Someone I considered a friend and colleague did this to me last year
Still can't understand why
It wasn't for sex
So I'm guessing it was an ego boost thing

purpledalmation · 27/03/2023 20:34

An ex once told me men will say anything to get sex.

Snorlaxing · 27/03/2023 20:36

Usually it's because saying those kinds of things leads to sex.

EastAngle · 27/03/2023 20:37

A lot of them say things because it gets them something they want (sex, your time, domestic duties, could be anything). They are motivated by what’s best for them only.

mumof1or2 · 27/03/2023 20:38

To get sex
As an ego boost
To know they could have you if they wanted you
For entertainment
Because they're lonely
To have someone in the frame til someone "better" comes along

But mainly just because a lot of them are complete wankers!

I've definitely been there. Sending lots of love xx

Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2023 20:39

They want to keep easy shags on tap. Then they'll be off like a shot when someone new catches their eye.

123wentaway · 27/03/2023 20:42

Ex-h did this. It was because he saw me as his meal ticket. It’s to get what they want, whatever their agenda is.

Original poster
QueenConsort · 27/03/2023 20:46

It hurts, sorry others have had the same

OP posts:
coolcahuna · 27/03/2023 20:49

Yep happened to me last year too and also wasn't for sex. He was seeing someone else the whole time, I discovered. I've had no explanation for it, have to assume it was just for an ego boost and he's done it many times, I imagine.

qqq82 · 27/03/2023 20:52

@coolcahuna
Mine just said 'well I did warn you that I'm an arsehole' that was my explanation

Original poster
QueenConsort · 27/03/2023 20:54

This one isn't doing it for sex

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenConsort · 27/03/2023 20:55

Just attention I think.

It's painful, so painful.

OP posts:
GlamourPuss78 · 27/03/2023 20:55

details?

sheeeeeeshh · 27/03/2023 21:36

Ego boost.
Sorry. It's shit.

GreyCarpet · 27/03/2023 21:48

purpledalmation · 27/03/2023 20:34

An ex once told me men will say anything to get sex.

This is largely true.

You just have to be aware of it.

Closetbeanmuncher · 27/03/2023 22:15

Ego boost to patch low self esteem and chronic emptiness…

Quite pathetic when you break it down to what it is.

Hawkins00 · 27/03/2023 22:16

Depends on their objectives,

Gravelady · 27/03/2023 22:24

Sorry to hear this OP and been there quite a few times so know how painful this is. Most of the time as others have said it is to gain something,
ego stroke, sex, money the list goes on. I had a bloke give me all the chat and he was just using me for my car. Another guy did the same, had no idea he was a waster, but we went to the cinema together one night and he bumped into someone he knew and they asked who I was and I heard him say “oh just a mate”. complete faker. It hurts so much but honestly you deserve better ❤

Original poster
QueenConsort · 28/03/2023 08:24

I'm an idiot as I did so well to get over him last time and go NC. Now it's all coming back, and for what, nothing....he doesn't want anything real just a bit of validation.

I hate myself for being so weak 😪

OP posts:
Bimc44 · 28/03/2023 08:49

Don’t feel bad, a lot of us have done it..least you now know. It’s so hard I know, been there got the t-shirt. Self ego and gain for themselves. Sad really. Big hugs

Original poster
QueenConsort · 28/03/2023 09:36

Please can someone talk to me?I can't stop crying.

OP posts:
embarrassed23 · 28/03/2023 10:52

@QueenConsort oh OP he isn't worth your tears. No need to feel bad about yourself we have all been there and made mistakes allowing ourselves to be used or hurt time and time again by nasty manipulative people. You're not weak, the way he treated you is a reflection on him and not you. Flowers

Isheabastard · 28/03/2023 11:09

I read an interesting article a short while ago, I don’t know if it is true for all men but might explain the behaviour of some men.

The author (a self styled dating expert?) reckoned that most men want the woman to like them first, before they then decide how much they like the woman.

So I guess this could end in the same result you are facing. Why they do it, she didn’t say. So in the end it’s an ego boost for them. A sort of love ‘em and leave them attitude.

Maybe for some men everything’s a competition, and they’d lose if they fell for a woman before knowing she felt the same way?

Men seem to spend a lot of time acting as if they are free agents and don’t have to be beholden to mothers, wives or girlfriends. They seem to care an awful lot about what other men think of them, less so of women.

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