Partner says I'm selfish because I won't drink with him...

[BabyUxX]

Is this normal behaviour?
Sometimes - on a Friday night we will have a drink together but sometimes I just don't fancy it, and I don't wanna get drunk or feel horrible the next day either which he likes to do, it's clearly become an issue for him because if I say I don't feel like it - he will say I am selfish and he just wants to be like the other couples who drink together on a Friday night. He says I am boring if I don't want a drink with him and he says I am like an old woman because I like cups of tea instead of a drink of alcohol with him sometimes. It's actually hurtful and I can never win the argument either, I just want to know, am I boring for refusing a drink? Am I an old woman for refusing? Isit such a bad thing if I don't drink? I never ever stop him from drinking or make him feel bad.

It doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks. Your partner finds you boring. A load of MNers telling you that you’re not isn’t going to change that. I’m going to guess this isn’t the evenly aspect of your relationship where you aren’t compatible? Perhaps it’s time to consider whether you’re both right for each other or would be better alone or with different people.

You don't drink because someone else wants you to, how rediculous. He doesn't sound very kind

Does he have a problem with alcohol? Does he drink a large amount / get pissed and want you to keep up with him to make himself feel better?

I can’t think of any other reason why it would bother a person that someone else isn’t drinking?!

I don’t drink. DH enjoys a couple of beers or glasses of wine at the weekend. It’s zero issue for either of us.

He sounds like a total arsehole. I would ditch him

I wonder what it’s really about; maybe you not drinking makes him worry that he’s drinking too much or reflect on why he wants a drink.
my DH recently stopped drinking and it doesn’t bother me when he’s drinking tea and I’ve got a glass of wine but I do remember when I was younger one of my friends barely drank and sometimes it made me feel bad for wanting a drink and I realised it was much more about my own insecurities than about her not drinking

My husband drinks, I don't.
He's a bully for trying to force you to do something when you don't want to.
He's a dick for having an issue with it.

Totally agree with this. My DH never encouraged or tried to force me to drink - he was always perfectly happy for me to have tea, soda water or whatever. I can't imagine why your DH feels so insecure about having an alcoholic drink. Maybe he feels that if you drink too, he has "permission" to drink?

Does he bully you in other ways. Do you have DC together. Could you live apart then you will have your own space.

He’s bullying you. It actually doesn’t matter what it’s about - it is never ok to be a bully. Do NOT give in.

Probably he’s got an alcohol problem and you being able to say no to booze makes him insecure and aggressive. But still no excuse fir being a bully.

Ugh what a wanker.

Hope you’re ok OP, couples therapy might help him see what a dick he is being but I suspect he’s too much a wanker to go.

Ps if you don’t have children, ditch him.

He sounds like an alcoholic l

He's the boring one for drinking.

He is out of order. I admit I am usually the one that likes a drink on a Saturday night and prefer if OH is having one with me. But I would never give him greif if he didn't want one.

What an arsehole. He's bullying you.

If you can be bothered to stay with him, think of a foodstuff he loathes, that would make him feel sick to eat. Tell him you want him to eat it with you every Friday night, & call him selfish when he won't.
Then ask him how that felt.
Maybe he'll get it.

I rarely drink, husband drinks a beer at Christmas, bbq or weddings. If I ever feel like having a drink, I go out or have a little glass of something at home. Never have I expected him to join me. Its a personal choice and shouldn't ever be a problem

He sounds immature and juvenile

This.

If he is calling you selfish because you don't want to drink with him, then that makes him equally selfish for wanting you to do what he wants in the first place.

All he is trying to do is validate his heavy drinking by having someone else doing it as well.

Well, there's another thread running ATM with a lot of posts saying that the OP has changed the dynamics of their relationship by not drinking so its understandablethat her dp sulks about it, so really, take your pick.

I hardly drink alcohol either, just prefer tea at night or a fresh orange. If your partner can't understand this then it's on him. What a fanny.

Compare and Contrast!

His behaviour is not normal. Have you asked yourself why you are with someone who treats you so horribly? No relationship should be like this 💐

Why are you with him?

Don't associate with anyone who calls you nasty names. Certainly don't date them.

Life's too short to waste with bullies and similar wankers.

He’s being pathetic and betraying his own lack of imagination. What a limited little fool.

Me too
Why are you thinking this is ok op?

As a Alcoholic in recovery I would say he has a problem with his drinking and is projecting onto you. Ignore him.