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Original poster

Won't give me the spare key

54 replies

Powertotheflower · 25/03/2023 08:02

Name changed for this as I'm a long time user.

My boyfriend has a key to my place. Given as a sign of trust and because I'm too lazy to answer the door Grin. He's been living with me but has now got a place of his own (something he was always going to do). He lost his keys yesterday, the spare was inside the flat. I suggested that he keep the spare at mine but he tactfully ignored me. I don't even want the key to use but it would make more sense to leave it at mine. He will no doubt leave it with his friend that lives 3 hours away, where I only live 20 mins from him. I'm upset that the trust only seems to goes one way. How do I ask for my key back to address the balance and do there's no feelings of resentment on my part as he obviously doesn't trust me with his key.

OP posts:
Lizzt2007 · 25/03/2023 14:06

I'll be honest this post has made me smile a little. I've been with my partner 15 years this year, and we don't live together by choice. He has a key to my place and spare keys to our shared cars, I don't have a key to his. I don't have any problem with it at all. I know he trusts me, I know he has no problem me being at his place same as he has no problem being at mine. His only spare key is at his parents, it's not about me it's about his need. In my partners case he has a touch of ocd and he's uncomfortable with people in general being at his. He'll quite happily leave me at his, if I'm going round he'll leave his key out for me if he won't be in, but he's not comfortable having spare keys with different people. I on the other hand have at least 7 different people that have keys to my home😂

jannier · 25/03/2023 15:21

saraclara · 25/03/2023 13:54

...and apparently a woman can't possibly know her own mind. So you've managed to insult both of them, @jannier

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No it's not an equal relationship no matter the gender if one is happy to take a key move in then as soon as they can afford a place choose to not reciprocate there is an underlying agenda why reduce it to a gender argument when it isn't .....and even if it was a platonic relationship it would still be the same.

saraclara · 25/03/2023 15:26

jannier · 25/03/2023 15:21

No it's not an equal relationship no matter the gender if one is happy to take a key move in then as soon as they can afford a place choose to not reciprocate there is an underlying agenda why reduce it to a gender argument when it isn't .....and even if it was a platonic relationship it would still be the same.

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We don't know that he hasn't chosen not to reciprocate. Even OP had said that he was distracted by trying to get into his home when she messaged him so might not have taken her suggestion in.

The gender thing was about assuming that he must be taking advantage of her by living with her briefly, and that they can't possibly both want an LAT. Again he must be taking advantage of her because he's a man, and she can't possibly genuinely want one herself because she's a women and therefore just pandering to him.

jannier · 25/03/2023 16:00

saraclara · 25/03/2023 15:26

We don't know that he hasn't chosen not to reciprocate. Even OP had said that he was distracted by trying to get into his home when she messaged him so might not have taken her suggestion in.

The gender thing was about assuming that he must be taking advantage of her by living with her briefly, and that they can't possibly both want an LAT. Again he must be taking advantage of her because he's a man, and she can't possibly genuinely want one herself because she's a women and therefore just pandering to him.

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And again you are being sexist by assuming I'm basing my view on Gender. It's a perfectly normal thing to swap spare keys with anyone you already have a key of otherwise it's imbalanced. Assuming your both single so nobody else is close to hold your spare. In a relationship the idea is can invalid your space but your not coming into mine is odd especially when you lived with them and have now moved out it implies a change of relationship. Nothing to do with gender

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