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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Look what you did, that made me do it

36 replies

Potsofflowers · 23/03/2023 11:37

There's a bully in my life. We are siblings but we are estranged.

She started a new round of abusive communications with me recently. I often ignore her and she is often determined and she gets annoyed and angry and then that's when she likes to start to smear and shame campaign again and again.

Every fiber of my being has been pulled apart now at this stage from her and questioned.

Lately I had this line :

Look what you did that made me do what I did and then I continued reading and it was twisted. The truth and timeliness was twisted and it was lies too.

This is very hard.

OP posts:
EggyBreads · 23/03/2023 11:38

How is she communicating with you? Can you block her on all platforms?

Chowtime · 23/03/2023 11:40

You're not estranged if you're communicating with her.

Just stop communicating with her.

Original poster
Potsofflowers · 23/03/2023 11:41

EggyBreads · 23/03/2023 11:38

How is she communicating with you? Can you block her on all platforms?

She's doesn't have my new number, thank goodness.

It's often fake profiles and sometimes emails too. She is determined and keeps it all going. Over and over.

OP posts:
Chowtime · 23/03/2023 11:42

Tell her to stop harrassing you or you'll report her to the police for harrassment.

And then do it.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/03/2023 11:42

Go to the police, right now. She is harassing you, if not stalking you.

Original poster
Potsofflowers · 23/03/2023 11:43

I'm not communicating with her. She continues to communicate with me about 3 or 4 times a year and then she keeps it up for several weeks til she tires herself out or gets more or moves on. I usually ignore and block her.

I dipped not her recent messages and I felt sick. I really felt it from head to toe and in my gut. It really hit me.

OP posts:
perfectcolourfound · 23/03/2023 11:43

Honestly, I'd report this to the Police. She is stalking / harrassing you.

Chowtime · 23/03/2023 11:45

Just send one final message back saying please stop contacting and harrassing me otherwise I shall report you to the police.

She'll think you're bluffing and continue to contact you until you call the police. They'll have a word with her and hopefully she'll back off.

GoodChat · 23/03/2023 11:54

Keep a record of all communication, block every time you receive a message, and I do agree you should speak to the police.

Original poster
Potsofflowers · 23/03/2023 11:58

Chowtime · 23/03/2023 11:45

Just send one final message back saying please stop contacting and harrassing me otherwise I shall report you to the police.

She'll think you're bluffing and continue to contact you until you call the police. They'll have a word with her and hopefully she'll back off.

I reported her before and an officer was due to call her. It just angered her more. I think anyone else would have backed off at that stage but it angered her more and fuelled her more. She's actually not afraid and I think she's someone who would enjoy a legal challenge thinking it's an American movie and point her fingers at me.

OP posts:
ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 23/03/2023 12:02

Why don't you just tell her to fuck the fuck off ?

Original poster
Potsofflowers · 23/03/2023 12:06

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 23/03/2023 12:02

Why don't you just tell her to fuck the fuck off ?

She was told that. She refuses to leave me alone in peace.

OP posts:
Original poster
Potsofflowers · 23/03/2023 12:08

She's extremely hostile and all her messages the tone is so bad. I ignore her. She's impoto be reasoned with because I tried that before and it didn't work. She picked everything apart. She's not able to meet anyone else half way in anything.

OP posts:
ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 23/03/2023 12:08

So how does she get to message you OP? Can't you simply block her from everything?

GoodChat · 23/03/2023 12:09

I reported her before and an officer was due to call her. It just angered her more. I think anyone else would have backed off at that stage but it angered her more and fuelled her more. She's actually not afraid and I think she's someone who would enjoy a legal challenge thinking it's an American movie and point her fingers at me.

If there's a record of it keep sending all your evidence to the police and don't drop it.

Original poster
Potsofflowers · 23/03/2023 12:11

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 23/03/2023 12:08

So how does she get to message you OP? Can't you simply block her from everything?

Fake profiles
Emails
Smear and shame campaign to others

OP posts:
thaisweetchill · 23/03/2023 12:13

I know you shouldn't have to but could you make a new email address and social media? Under a different name and add people you know won't inform her?

It's frustrating but doesn't sound like she's going to stop.

I know you have phoned the police but when I was being harassed by an ex they went round and cautioned him, do you think this would help or hinder? It stopped my ex from ever contacting me again but I did change my phone number and email address to make sure.

Original poster
Potsofflowers · 23/03/2023 12:59

She's a horrible creep. Any time she takes a notion to start her communication, it's abusive. It's filled with demands and insults and often her wording is disgusting and vulgar with her talking about 'cock' and 'titties'. She has bee in her bonnet on me. Her wording is disgusting. I ignore her.

Last week I began forwarding her messages and just like that she cleaned up her words and requests from me while also adding in depression and suicide.
She used depression and suicide as an excuse to manipulate the situation and gain sympathy when in reality, there's nothing wrong with her. Just pure anger and rage. I got letters in the mail before from her and she's nor right. The handwriting is all over the place. It's not fluent. It goes from left to right and up and down it shows she's coming from a deeply disturbed and emotional state.

OP posts:
Original poster
Potsofflowers · 23/03/2023 14:44

Whenever she sees fit to start her abusive and malicious trash, there are times when she keeps going every minute of the day. There are times when she's not able to sleep at night in anger. Her anger is mainly for being ignored I would say. If I did something horrific to her, it could nearly be justified but I didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Potsofflowers · 23/03/2023 15:07

I presume she's working. She would have to be to get a wage and pay for rent. I know from another family member she likes holidays. I don't get it. Anyone holding down a full time job should be tired and free time should be valuable to wash laundry or unwind after a week or prepare for another week ahead or explore hobbies. She's regularly engaged in hostility against me and others too. It must be so tiring being like that. I'm on the receiving end of that and it's tiring for me.

OP posts:
Crunchingleaf · 23/03/2023 15:12

This sounds absolutely frightening. Have you done all you can to lock down your social media in terms of making it impossible for her to find your profile. Things like only friends can IM you or see your profile etc. Then switch out any email addresses she has for you. I know you said she has written to you before, but does she have your current address now, because it sounds like her behaviour is escalating and I would do everything possible to stop her turning up at my door.
I think I would go back to the police because this behaviour is unhinged.

category12 · 23/03/2023 15:27

Sounds a bit like it might not be just malice but mental illness as well - not that it makes it any better for you.

I think going to the police is pretty much your only option. You might try talking to Paladin, the stalking charity - they might have good advice?

Original poster
Potsofflowers · 23/03/2023 16:21

I rarely respond to her but last week I did and I notified her that I will be reporting the harassment and she knew I was serious because I circulated the email to my solicitor too and I also forwarded her emails too. She knew I was serious. I think she got a fright. I asked her to stop and leave me alone. She did stop for a while but then she blew back up again.

Right now, she should be in a place where she should be seeking legal advice from a solicitor but she never did that. Her answer was to blow up in anger all over again.

I know by her words and her tone, her demands isn't a reconciliation between us. It's about forcing me into massaging her emotions. It's power and control. She's wants me to engage with her and explain myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Potsofflowers · 23/03/2023 16:32

I don't get it. Tomorrow will be a new day and the sun will rise again and she chooses to live her live in hostility from petty issues from the past.

OP posts:
Maze76 · 23/03/2023 17:15

l know it’s easier said then done but ignore and block her. Don’t talk about her with family/ friends and let them know that you have no interest in her, you don’t want her to know anything about you, and make it clear that if they cannot agree to this then you will have to cut communication with them too.
I also second the suggestion to have a new & separate e-mail and phone number - keep your current one to monitor her communications and only give your new contacts to people you trust.
keep a record of all e- mails texts etc that you receive for evidence.