Using a a couples journal.

[Headland]

Perspectives please.
After repeated efforts to try & get DH to start talking about our relationship over many months finally a bit of progress or so I thought. She has now gone off & ordered a book about journaling. Not something we discussed at all. The book seems to work on a question a day basis for 365 days looking at a couple of reviews I've read. I'd actually suggested we think about considering counselling & that I would possibly be open to it. She's come up with this instead. A series, it seems, of set questions that I gather we're meant to discuss & journal. I'm really not happy about it but wondering if I'm being too harsh or need to be clearer this is not what I want to do to try & move forward. Would appreciate some thoughts please. Thanks.

Oh well give it a go, you never know. I’m not into journaling at all but I do have friends who claim it’s changed their lives. It may help your wife to jot her thoughts down and then give you an insight to begin some conversations etc? Good luck

The OP literally says 'she' about OH. And does it really matter was gender the OP is? How does this affect your opinion or advice?

She literally didn't.
She literally said 'she' about DH.

PP can query that to clear up their own confusion without being bitched at, surely @Ducklips71?

He! HE literally said etc .... 😂

OP, you seem to be in a stalemate situation, so despite your discomfort about journalling, can you at least view it as a potential springboard to get some discussion going?

If DW journals, but then refuses to talk with you about what you are each noting down as pertinent points, unfortunately you are back to square one. Is part of your discomfort the thought that DW will use the journal purely as a writing exercise, but will not discuss further?

For now, all you can do is give it the benefit of the doubt.
But if DW is determined not to communicate, & will not attend counselling, really the only option you have left to consider is how long you are able to tolerate living in a stalemate as housemates.

How do you feel about doing counselling solo?
It would give you the opportunity to focus on what YOU want & what you are able to do. Even if that is eventually the sad outcome of "I don't want to stay with a wife who refuses emotional closeness or the opportunity to improve our relationship."

Yes this, seems very obvious to me.

Unless you don't do compromise?

When I don't want sex with a partner it's because there are other issues going on in the relationship.

If you engaged in this process through the journaling you might find out what those are and you might improve your connection and relationship with your wife & get sex back.

Win win. But sad you don't actually know that already.

Can you believe a 17 year old male student said this to me a few weeks ago:

“lack of intimacy is always a secondary result of other issues within a relationship that need addressing”

17! SEVENTEEN! Unrelated context but so wise.

As I've noted in the thread I've decided to engage in the journaling although very much hoped she would engage in either some discussion together or with the help/guidance of a counsellor. I'm not against doing the two together if that is what it takes as I've noted & as some posters have suggested. At the moment it feels like it's a one sided effort. I'm hoping that will change. I'm probably overthinking it but wondering if there's something going on I'm not aware of which is why counselling is off the table for her at this point. Anyway, we'll see where things end up...