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Original poster

Text messages and whether or not to respond (WWYD)

53 replies

Satansgourd · 22/03/2023 15:57

So, was seeing this guy very casually about 4 years ago. I had to leave for a job, and he kind of dropped contact completely - which had never been mentioned. At some point we started messaging again, on and off. I forget many of the details in between, but we have seen each other quite a bit, on a friends basis, as he said he had serious commitment issues. About 18 months ago, he messaged late one night to tell me that the reason he hadn’t wanted to pursue anything further was because I was too fat. But, if I was to lose weight and he felt he could ‘lust’ after me, he’d really like a relationship.

ok, so, fair enough. I had been larger when I was seeing him, and had lost a lot of weight. We continued chatting but weren’t able to meet up due to both of our schedules. We made an arrangement for him to come and visit in April and see if we could make a go of it. All good.

about a month ago, he sends me a message saying that he needs to see a full length picture of me to even really consider it, and also for my benefit as it must be ‘stressing me out’. I was gobsmacked, to say the very least. I have not responded, and now am wondering whether or not I should respond. I mean, there are a few home truths I could deliver to him. Including, mainly, that he seems to have set himself this high standard without being a god of a man himself. It seems to be all about what I can offer him and nothing about what he can offer me.

On the face of it:
I am 8 years younger than him
I have my own home
I make more than him
I am well travelled
etc

So, should respond or just leave it in the long grass……

OP posts:
DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 22/03/2023 15:59

I'd respond with "Fuck off you twat" then just block him!

Original poster
Satansgourd · 22/03/2023 16:00

@DeltaAlphaDelta79 that made me proper laugh

OP posts:
Anotheanon · 22/03/2023 16:01

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 22/03/2023 15:59

I'd respond with "Fuck off you twat" then just block him!

Don’t think you need anymore answers.

SolitudeNotLoneliness · 22/03/2023 16:01

I'd not even reply. To reply in any way confirms he has your attention, he's goaded ypu.

Hold the power by not replying and leaving g him hanging - he is not worthy of your time.

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 22/03/2023 16:01

Satansgourd · 22/03/2023 16:00

@DeltaAlphaDelta79 that made me proper laugh

A pleasure

Campervangirl · 22/03/2023 16:06

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 22/03/2023 15:59

I'd respond with "Fuck off you twat" then just block him!

Couldn't have put it better myself 🤣
He's got an absolute fucking cheek!

anotherNameJustForThis · 22/03/2023 16:09

Just say, "Of course I'll send you a full length pic; as soon as you've sent me one of your cock (that must be no smaller than 9 inches, erect), your six-pack and a copy of your bank statement with no less than a £25,000 balance xx"

Denise82 · 22/03/2023 16:10

What a knob!

In fact, tell him you only date men who have at least a 10-inch knob 😆

Then block and forget him

qqq82 · 22/03/2023 16:11

Yeah tell tell him if he grows a bigger cock you might be interested
Absolute fucktard

ToastyMcToastyface · 22/03/2023 16:20

Just say upon reflection, you don t think it would work as you usually only date high calibre men.

if he asks what you mean just reply “do you really need me to spell it out?” And then block him.

it’ll drive him mad and wound his precious ego.

Grumpi · 22/03/2023 16:23

Wtf.

OP just no. This is a massive indication of him having some seriously fucked up issues, if he can’t work out that this is a totally inappropriate, immature and disrespectful thing to even bring up - well what else does he think is normal and appropriate?

if he doesn’t want to date you because of your body then that’s up to him (although incredibly shallow). Him thinking it’s appropriate to vocalise this position is indicative of a really emotionally immature man. Not someone you want to date, causally or otherwise.

He needs to get in the sea

viques · 22/03/2023 16:27

I would respond saying it was sweet of him to still be thinking of you but in the interim you have raised the bar for potential partners in terms of both social skills and intelligence and regretfully he hasn’t made the cut in either category.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 22/03/2023 16:31

There’s more red flags 🚩 here than a string of bunting.

I wouldn’t even be friends with a complete and utter arse like him!

If he encouraged you to exercise if you said you wanted to then that’d be a different story but never improve yourself for another person.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 22/03/2023 16:34

About 18 months ago, he messaged late one night to tell me that the reason he hadn’t wanted to pursue anything further was because I was too fat. But, if I was to lose weight and he felt he could ‘lust’ after me, he’d really like a relationship.

Why the fuck did you ever respond after this one?

unrsnblyannoyd · 22/03/2023 16:36

Oh lovely he's the kind of catch you put back before even pulling out of the water. Just imagine what a relationship with him would be like for a second. Constantly second guessing your looks, weight etc... Not to mention this is his attempt at asserting control and coercive behaviour even before you're dating. Ignore what he wants to control for a second (I.e your weight, therefore what you eat, drink, your exercise levels) extrapolate that to other things that would make him "list" after you. Personally on this one I would reply. Something along the lines of,
Dear Knobhead,
Thanks for your message. Having carefully considered your offer I've decided not to pursue anything further. I'm really looking for someone emotionally stable who can operate the head above their shoulders, and if I'm honest you haven't been able to. I assume you're going through a dry spell, so would encourage you to work on yourself instead of worrying about me. It may lead you to more fruitful encounters.
Then block him and never look back!

Nimbostratus100 · 22/03/2023 16:37

don't respond at all, responding only shows hes got your attention

Just block and ignore

usernolongerexists · 22/03/2023 16:37

I say this with kindness but please use that energy you're wasting on someone who is clearly not good enough for you, on working on why you've wasted any energy entertaining his shithousery.

You obviously have lots going for you, why do you think you're worth so little?

Regardless of your size or shape, you're more than good enough as the person you are.

ItWasntMyFault · 22/03/2023 16:37

I'd just reply and say that you'd heard that he was really bad in bed so you don't want to waste your time.

Tidsleytiddy · 22/03/2023 16:38

viques · 22/03/2023 16:27

I would respond saying it was sweet of him to still be thinking of you but in the interim you have raised the bar for potential partners in terms of both social skills and intelligence and regretfully he hasn’t made the cut in either category.

Nice one 👍

Original poster
Satansgourd · 22/03/2023 16:40

@unrsnblyannoyd I think this point is in my head. I mean if, say, I’m a 10, will he be policing me if I eat a slice of pizza. Also, coming up to menopause, will I have to stress that I may gain a stone with little control? So many stupid variables.

obviously I’m not stressing over this, it’s just mild curiosity now…

OP posts:
Fairymights · 22/03/2023 16:41

viques · 22/03/2023 16:27

I would respond saying it was sweet of him to still be thinking of you but in the interim you have raised the bar for potential partners in terms of both social skills and intelligence and regretfully he hasn’t made the cut in either category.

Perfect response here

Justforlaffs · 22/03/2023 16:41

Tidsleytiddy · 22/03/2023 16:38

Nice one 👍

Show quote history

Brilliant!

I actually just had this face 😳 when I read the bit about you being too fat! He’s having a larf!

Justforlaffs · 22/03/2023 16:41

viques · 22/03/2023 16:27

I would respond saying it was sweet of him to still be thinking of you but in the interim you have raised the bar for potential partners in terms of both social skills and intelligence and regretfully he hasn’t made the cut in either category.

This is brilliant I mean 😂

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 22/03/2023 16:44

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 22/03/2023 16:34

About 18 months ago, he messaged late one night to tell me that the reason he hadn’t wanted to pursue anything further was because I was too fat. But, if I was to lose weight and he felt he could ‘lust’ after me, he’d really like a relationship.

Why the fuck did you ever respond after this one?

Actually, this but also, if he feels he could lust after you after you lost weight basically it’s a “how high can you jump” comment, so after this it’ll be maybe your nose is too big so can you get a nose job. Or you’re too critical of him etc, he’d probably make up ways in which you could improve yourself for him.

I’ve just recalled that I once knew a woman who lost a load of weight for her boyfriend/husband (she told us so). The other women who knew her thought she was mad losing the weight on the say so of one man to gain his approval.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 22/03/2023 16:47

Satansgourd · 22/03/2023 16:40

@unrsnblyannoyd I think this point is in my head. I mean if, say, I’m a 10, will he be policing me if I eat a slice of pizza. Also, coming up to menopause, will I have to stress that I may gain a stone with little control? So many stupid variables.

obviously I’m not stressing over this, it’s just mild curiosity now…

Do you really want to live like this and justify yourself to him?

One of my best friends is living with a boyfriend who’s in the fitness industry and has to keep fit for his job, she has weight issues which are related to other health issues but not once have I heard her say he wants her to lose weight.