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Original poster

Text messages and whether or not to respond (WWYD)

53 replies

Satansgourd · 22/03/2023 15:57

So, was seeing this guy very casually about 4 years ago. I had to leave for a job, and he kind of dropped contact completely - which had never been mentioned. At some point we started messaging again, on and off. I forget many of the details in between, but we have seen each other quite a bit, on a friends basis, as he said he had serious commitment issues. About 18 months ago, he messaged late one night to tell me that the reason he hadn’t wanted to pursue anything further was because I was too fat. But, if I was to lose weight and he felt he could ‘lust’ after me, he’d really like a relationship.

ok, so, fair enough. I had been larger when I was seeing him, and had lost a lot of weight. We continued chatting but weren’t able to meet up due to both of our schedules. We made an arrangement for him to come and visit in April and see if we could make a go of it. All good.

about a month ago, he sends me a message saying that he needs to see a full length picture of me to even really consider it, and also for my benefit as it must be ‘stressing me out’. I was gobsmacked, to say the very least. I have not responded, and now am wondering whether or not I should respond. I mean, there are a few home truths I could deliver to him. Including, mainly, that he seems to have set himself this high standard without being a god of a man himself. It seems to be all about what I can offer him and nothing about what he can offer me.

On the face of it:
I am 8 years younger than him
I have my own home
I make more than him
I am well travelled
etc

So, should respond or just leave it in the long grass……

OP posts:
MyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 22/03/2023 16:48

What does this Mr Adonis look like? I’m sure he’s a treat for the eyes himself - not. He is a garbage person. No need to even think about responding. Delete and block forever.

Redglitter · 22/03/2023 16:53

*he messaged late one night to tell me that the reason he hadn’t wanted to pursue anything further was because I was too fat. But, if I was to lose weight and he felt he could ‘lust’ after me, he’d really like a relationship.

ok, so, fair enough. I had been larger when I was seeing him, and had lost a lot of weight. We continued chatting but weren’t able to meet up due to both of our schedules. We made an arrangement for him to come and visit in April and see if we could make a go of it*

I cant for the life of me understand why you continued chatting to him after he made that comment. What a prick

Personally I'd send the Fuck off you twat. and then cut all contact

AaaaaandBreathe · 22/03/2023 16:59

If it was me and I was slimmer since last seeing him, I'd be tempted to send a full length photo of me looking happy and tell him that while weight can change, his shit personality can't and, anyway, you only want a relationship with someone who can match you in terms of career success/emotional intelligence and a bit more your age - none of which are him.

But then, I can be petty.

Really you should have cut him off as soon as he called you fat! How dare he? It's none of his business what you weigh. He knows your personality so if that's not enough he can take his shallow ass elsewhere.

I have a feeling he's not single by choice!

Original poster
Satansgourd · 22/03/2023 17:05

Yes, I should never have responded then. However, I was a bit tipsy and in a very romantic location… why I was gobsmacked that he said this a month ago is that he threw himself on his sword when he realised I was hurt by his words.. 🙄

anyhoo, thanks for the responses…

OP posts:
WoofWoofBeachLife · 22/03/2023 17:30

Send him the full length picture with a 🖕and a see what you could have had ya dick.

FinallyHere · 22/03/2023 17:44
  • But, if I was to lose weight and he felt he could ‘lust’ after me, he’d really like a relationship.

ok, so, fair enough*

No.

Just no

This is really not OK

I've been fat and I've been thin. I have some idea about which DH prefers but I really, really would not expect if he said he would only have a relationship with me if I looked a certain way.

That's no basis for a relationship. What's going to happen if you get ill?

Do not ever do the 'pick me' dance.

BloomForever · 22/03/2023 17:45

Wtf?! Send him a picture of like, Magda off something about Mary 😂 he thinks a lot of this himself doesn't he.

Toooldtoworry · 22/03/2023 17:46

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 22/03/2023 15:59

I'd respond with "Fuck off you twat" then just block him!

Took the words right out of my mouth!

Cantbebothered90 · 22/03/2023 17:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Choconut · 22/03/2023 18:13

The thought of having a 'man' like this 'lust after me' gives me the total ick. Send him a full length picture of yourself in a burka.

GlassBunion · 22/03/2023 18:51

Delta has nailed it.

Then breathe a sigh of relief.

Middletoleft · 22/03/2023 18:56

What are on earth are you doing, even giving this nasty, mean spirited individual consideration. You deserve better, a lot better, than that.

Aprilx · 22/03/2023 19:00

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 22/03/2023 15:59

I'd respond with "Fuck off you twat" then just block him!

Yep.

RedHelenB · 22/03/2023 19:02

Have you so little self respect that you're going to entertain his demands a second time? I can't get my head around how some women think.

Kittensat36 · 22/03/2023 19:05

Satansgourd · 22/03/2023 17:05

Yes, I should never have responded then. However, I was a bit tipsy and in a very romantic location… why I was gobsmacked that he said this a month ago is that he threw himself on his sword when he realised I was hurt by his words.. 🙄

anyhoo, thanks for the responses…

I seriously doubt his sword is big enough to throw anything on.

Send him his full length pikky. Taken in the pitch dark (and then tell him to fuck off).

pompei8309 · 22/03/2023 19:08

Satansgourd · 22/03/2023 15:57

So, was seeing this guy very casually about 4 years ago. I had to leave for a job, and he kind of dropped contact completely - which had never been mentioned. At some point we started messaging again, on and off. I forget many of the details in between, but we have seen each other quite a bit, on a friends basis, as he said he had serious commitment issues. About 18 months ago, he messaged late one night to tell me that the reason he hadn’t wanted to pursue anything further was because I was too fat. But, if I was to lose weight and he felt he could ‘lust’ after me, he’d really like a relationship.

ok, so, fair enough. I had been larger when I was seeing him, and had lost a lot of weight. We continued chatting but weren’t able to meet up due to both of our schedules. We made an arrangement for him to come and visit in April and see if we could make a go of it. All good.

about a month ago, he sends me a message saying that he needs to see a full length picture of me to even really consider it, and also for my benefit as it must be ‘stressing me out’. I was gobsmacked, to say the very least. I have not responded, and now am wondering whether or not I should respond. I mean, there are a few home truths I could deliver to him. Including, mainly, that he seems to have set himself this high standard without being a god of a man himself. It seems to be all about what I can offer him and nothing about what he can offer me.

On the face of it:
I am 8 years younger than him
I have my own home
I make more than him
I am well travelled
etc

So, should respond or just leave it in the long grass……

I would send him a very flattering picture so he can see how much weight you lost , also saying you’re not interested in him visiting or ever contact you

Talkingmouse · 22/03/2023 19:14

Please just keep ignoring and block. Don’t engage at all

5128gap · 22/03/2023 19:26

"I don't think so. I've been giving this some thought, and while I might be prepared to consider some one so much older, who wasn't successful, and without much life experience if they were really nice, i think your preoccupation with weight tells me you're not that guy. Don't get me wrong, I understand looks are important, and I tried to get past that too, because we got on, but I think there's just too many deal breakers for me"

JoanThursday1972 · 22/03/2023 19:36

He's cracked. Tell him to piss off.

winterbegone · 22/03/2023 19:46

I would of given as good as I got, however it's been a month, that shows him you still care. I'd wait until next time he contacts you, have your best ready to fire back and then be done for good.

HowRatherGolly · 22/03/2023 19:48

OK OP, here is what you are going to do, you are going to get that self respect and value off the floor where you have left it for him to trod all over, then you are going to block the bastard.

WHAT THE ACTUAL OP

Why are you letting someone like that into your life? and lets say your bestest of friends came to you with that and asked for your advise, what would you say?

I dont know you but I want you to know, woman to woman that you are worth more than this negging of an excuse. Look up negging as this is what he is doing to you.

He will not love you for who you are or your body if you loose weight, like wtf

qqq82 · 22/03/2023 19:48

5128gap · 22/03/2023 19:26

"I don't think so. I've been giving this some thought, and while I might be prepared to consider some one so much older, who wasn't successful, and without much life experience if they were really nice, i think your preoccupation with weight tells me you're not that guy. Don't get me wrong, I understand looks are important, and I tried to get past that too, because we got on, but I think there's just too many deal breakers for me"

Hahaha yes! Burn !

Beaverbridge · 22/03/2023 19:50

Wtaf?. Foxtrot Oscar to him.

HowRatherGolly · 22/03/2023 19:53

@5128gap OMG I spat my tea at my laptop, epic comeback

Original poster
Satansgourd · 22/03/2023 20:27

@RedHelenB how was I thinking?

So, I will just leave it in the long grass. He’s not blocked, rather archived. So i am unlikely to be any more messages. I have had to block him on Instagram and Facebook as he was messaging through these too. By that, Imean “I am so sorry” kind of messages

OP posts: