Husband always thinks he is dying

[Katieandthekids]

Just that really. It's constant worries and tests that come to nothing.

I am loosing ability to be supportive.

And also underlying fear that the one time i completely dismiss it there actually will be something wrong.

He is currently doing a poo so that I can look at it to check that I think it is not cancer.

I have no medical background whatsoever.

Help.

“Reassurance absolutely DOES feed the anxiety. You can obviously be supportive and kind but draw the line because ultimately it won't help him, really. He has to wake up to this issue, I suffer horrifically but I'm fully aware that my anxiety affects us all.”

This. To the poster who said to keep reassuring him - absolutely not. I’ve had periods of anxiety and become like a bottomless pit of need. My DH has been supportive but - correctly - refused to reassure me about things because ultimately I would just spin further and further into anxiety if he did. I’ve only been able to properly move away from anxious thoughts when I have learnt to self-soothe. It is also not OP’s job to manage this for her husband. He needs professional help to do so.

The poster who described anyone with HA as being 'self indulgent' has obviously been extremely lucky to have never had to deal with it themselves. It is a truly miserable existence. I have suffered with HA for many years and honestly hate how my life has become. I am hard working, kind, patient and don't want to cause problems for anyone, but when HA is at its worst, you literally feel like you have no control over it. I can appreciate it is not easy for you op, but trust me it is so much worse for your dh. I would definitely recommend antidepressants and therapy as a starting point for him. I wish you both all the best.

Honestly the problem with Health anxiety is even if these tests come back clear or if they come back as not clear, his health anxiety won't go away - he'll need support to manage his anxiety even if the tests show there's a real physical health problem. Last time he though he had something wrong and there wasn't, how long was it before he started worrying about something else? It's just a painful vicious circle for him.
Has he been to the GP every time he's worried about a physical illness? If so I'd be a bit frustrated that they've not picked up on health anxiety or at least the need for support.
If he hasn't been going to the GP that might be a good way to deal with it? Encourage him to make a GP appointments every time he has a worry about health. It'll help him get support for the anxiety and might solidify from his perspective how often he worries about different things.
There's a 10 week waiting list in my locality for step 3 IAPT support for Health Anxiety so the sooner he does it the better.
You've been as supportive as you can and it sounds like you'll continue to do so, only he can move forward and get help though. No amount of reassuring will fix it sadly.

Agree @TellySavalashairbrush. It’s a bit like those people who think you can treat anxiety by ’relaxing’ or trying to ‘calm down’.

We don’t choose to have health anxiety- no one would because it’s terrifying. We don’t choose it and we can’t control it. If it was a case of simply snapping out of it, we would do exactly that rather than having to medicate ourselves or go to therapy.