Mutual friend of ex and myself has asked me on a date

[Lasttime1]

Ex broke up with me two years ago. We enjoyed the same hobby and have many friends we did it with, including mutual friend. I took up cycling instead after our breakup so hadn't seen this friend too much. I bumped into him last week and asked me if I'd like to go for dinner with him sometime. I was really shocked as never thought of him in this way. I've asked him to give me time to think about, but my gut is saying no because of mutual friendship, I was very hurt and am not sure I want to get involved with someone else so soon as I'm really only getting back to myself with the help of counselling after a five-year relationship.
How long should I take to reply to him and would it be okay to say I don't feel ready(even after 2 years) but I'm not saying no, but not right now?

You don't need an explanation or something that he will accept as an ok reason to you saying no.

'hi, thanks for asking but I'm going to decline, good to see you, all the best with the hobby related thing'

Ooops sorry didn't read the second page!

I think that’s good. A way to ease you back to your old self in more ways. It sounds like he will respect your decision even if it doesn’t lead anywhere.

Tbh I think you would know if you wanted to go on a date with him.

Your overthinking OP, try seeing it as a friendship first he's not asking you to marry him - he sounds like a nice guy so give him a chance & give yourself abreak you might even enjoy yourself 😝

I hope you have a great time at the event, OP :-)

You're right... I am prone to overthinking and anxiety, which doesn't help me.

@Lasttime1 "......you might even enjoy yourself."

He sounds like a nice man. Hope you do enjoy yourself.

He only asked you to go out for dinner... he wasn't proposing... if anyone said that they had to 'think about it' if I asked them to join me for dinner or drinks I'd tell them to forget it.

All that aside... you're clearly not in the right frame of mind to meet up with this man or anyone right now. So just decline.

Sorry... just read your update. Have fun in July... and remember it's meant to be fun! Just see what happens. Meeting up for one date doesn't mean you have to marry him.

I actually feel sorry for this guy. He sounds genuine and I hope he doesn't get hurt by your 'will I/won't I approach' (If he was my brother I'd tell him not to get involved).

I wouldn’t say not ready if you don’t think you’ll ever want him, he may just think it’s a case of waiting. Be more definite and be kind to him. Not ready and not sure you’d want to get involved with anyone in the group again.

So a little update. We met up Saturday for something to eat and then to a gig. I was really nervous beforehand, but relaxed once I got there. Even though I wasn't planning to, we'd a little kiss at the end of the night. He told me he's liked me for a long time. I made clear that, although I enjoyed it, I'd be taking my time as I'm still finding my feet, and I didn't want anything too serious immediately and he responded with whether I'd like again to meet in a week or a month, to let him know. So we'll see, he knows I'm a bit hesitant, but I'm just going to see how things develop.

He sounds really nice and obviously he’s willing to wait for you which is just what you need right now. But I say go for it! I don’t know the circumstances of what happened with your ex but it’s clearly knocked your confidence and this new man may not be the one but he’s definitely going to help build you up.

Thanks for the update @Lasttime1.
It's been 2 years since your break up. This new guy has given you time, not rushed in despite fancying you from afar for a long time .
Give him a chance.
A ship in a harbour is safe but that's not what ships are built for.
You're not going to pine for your ex forever I hope.
You've only got one life, get out there and enjoy it.

Yes, I'm definitely going to give it a chance anyway.

That's good.

If you’d always held a torch for him and we’re exciting about him asking you on a date, I’d say go for it but I’m these circumstances I wouldn’t bother. IT’s potentially going to cause a bit of an issue, might get you pulled back into the orbit of your ex and you don’t even seem particularly keen on the guy.

If you don’t feel attracted to him, no. There has obviously been some time, but if you aren’t feeling it, don’t bother, it’ll be awkward if you don’t want a second date.
Just like pp, some men have an almost predatory sense in these scenarios. When my parents divorced, several of their friends came to ‘check in’ on mum. She had put up with many, many years of shit and I think they saw their chance. Shits.

It feels a bit like you're trying to talk yourself into this because 'he's nice'. If you're not really attracted to him or not ready for a relationship then I think it would be unfair to string him along as it seems like he's really hoping this could go somewhere (especially now you've kissed him), even if he is willing to take it very slowly.

Just don't get yourself into something if you're not that into it/not really sure about it.