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Original poster

Aware of an affair, would you do something?

30 replies

User920202 · 21/03/2023 19:32

So myself and some colleagues are aware that 2 of our other colleagues are having an affair. One is 18 and the other is almost 30. The older one is in a relationship and has been for a long time. It makes us all uncomfortable and not sure what to do (if anything at all).

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 21/03/2023 19:35

I agree it’s uncomfortable but unless it compromised work safety,standards or colleagues I would not do anything

Mateyduck · 21/03/2023 19:36

Do nothing. You won’t be thanked for breaking hearts.

nc13467 · 21/03/2023 19:37

If it makes you uncomfortable as it is obvious from their behaviour in the office I'd definitely say something as you shouldn't have to deal with them at work.

However unless you know the older persons DP I wouldn't go sticking my nose into that. Different if you know them of course

mumofboys8787 · 21/03/2023 19:37

It's nothing to do with you, don't get involved in other people's business no matter how much you disagree with it.

Wombats23 · 21/03/2023 19:38

Partner, I'd rip him to shreds.

Work colleagues, none of your business.

jay55 · 21/03/2023 19:39

Is the older one in a position of power over the younger at work?

LaurieFairyCake · 21/03/2023 19:39

Well yes I'd tell the manager/HR so the younger person could be protected - they are far too young and probably in their first job!

But not the partner of the 30 year old

SunnyLion · 21/03/2023 20:02

None of your business.

Suzi888 · 21/03/2023 20:06

Often HR needs to be aware, one should not be supervising or managing the other for starters.

To protect both parties.

Yes- they need to tell their respective managers.

PinkTonic · 21/03/2023 20:15

If their behaviour in the workplace is actually inappropriate then you should mention it to them. If your discomfort is purely based in moral judgement you should mind your own business and stop gossiping.

Hawkins003 · 21/03/2023 20:19

Even if I know of or suspect an affair , if the other person was told then the affair partner could twist, turn , or spin the whole story, id rather stand back and it unfolds, especially when the person you tell could then also blame you for ruining the relationship ect

Hawkins003 · 21/03/2023 20:21

Then their is also the evidence, unless you had a dossier of steel so to speak. Then it's he said she said etc

Badger1970 · 21/03/2023 20:28

I would pass to HR purely because of the age difference... and let them deal with it.

Original poster
User920202 · 21/03/2023 20:31

Just to add, I do not mean to let this person's partner know. We don't know them and that's not our problem to deal with. The issue is it is beginning to affect their work and the fact that one has just turned 18.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 21/03/2023 20:32

Not your business.

Sugarmicetails · 21/03/2023 20:53

Op
how long has the 18 year old been 18?!

a bit sick imo for a man of 30 to be sniffing around ! Especially if he is in a position of power over her
what’s the company structure like? Inform HR

TomatoSandwiches · 21/03/2023 20:56

It's grim but unless this is causing you issues at work then myob.

TomatoSandwiches · 21/03/2023 20:57

Sugarmicetails · 21/03/2023 20:53

Op
how long has the 18 year old been 18?!

a bit sick imo for a man of 30 to be sniffing around ! Especially if he is in a position of power over her
what’s the company structure like? Inform HR

It would be quite grim whichever sex the 30yr old was tbh.

DojaPhat · 21/03/2023 21:00

Do you have any concrete evidence that they're having an affair more than just longing looks and giggles by the water cooler? Thing is if you act you need to be certain - a 'feeling' that something is amiss is one thing but do you actually know? Because it could blow up in everyone's face.

LuckyPeonies · 21/03/2023 22:14

They are both of legal age, and responsible for their own decisions. As long as neither one is in a position to give preferential treatment to the other, thus disadvantaging the other employees, I would stay out of it.

Frozen9 · 21/03/2023 23:01

No this isn’t cool regardless whether they are legal. There is an imbalance.

when I was 16-18 my 32 year old boss sounded me out and made me feel flattered that he chose me as his bit on the side.

looking back i know that he abused his role, he knew my background and my vulnerability and he took advantage of that. I’m just over that 32 mark now - I don’t understand why any adult would have an interest in someone so young, it’s grim.

if it’s affecting the workplace then , yes, someone needs to speak up

IDontWantToBeAPie · 22/03/2023 13:17

I'd report to HR if she's 18...

ComtesseDeSpair · 22/03/2023 13:28

If their work isn’t up to scratch then highlight to your manager that there are issues with their performance preventing you from doing your work properly, and could they relay this back to their managers. The reason is immaterial.

Unless it states in your company policy that relationships between colleagues are prohibited, then HR aren’t there to get involved in legal relationships or moral judgements.

HowRatherGolly · 22/03/2023 13:37

Notify HR?

Not sure, but if the older one is in manager role?

At 18 years you will lap up the attention and vise versa, not great to be around tbh. But if they are just work colleagues then do nothing, you will just be creating a really bad time for yourself at work by interfering.

Opaljewel · 22/03/2023 14:09

This might be unpopular but at that 18, they are technically an adult no matter your moral stance. I think personally you should keep your noses out. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.