Apparently I don’t work hard enough

[AsLongAsIHaveMyTea]

I’m not sure if I’m being selfish or not here. I’m feeling a bit confused.
My husband and I run a small business together. He is the head of the company and works full time. I work 30 hours a week sometimes more, never less. He is the one “in charge” as it were. Most questions get directed at him and he has the final say. This dynamic has worked fine tbh for a long time. I have worked less as I have all the responsibilities at home.
For example I’m the one who walks the dogs, does the laundry, tidying, cleaning, organises clubs and school things for DS, all the cooking, shopping etc etc and I do this in the extra hours I don’t work at the business. My husband never does any house jobs.
I am better at the house jobs and I’m happy to do them, my husband is better at the business.
I thought this dynamic worked but recently he has taken on another job (not many hours, computer based and from home) this is because it could lead to a better job in the future. With this he has expected me to “step up” at our business and says I’m not working enough. I said that I can’t do full time hours and all my other things I do for the family but he says I need to prioritise work and I’m not working hard enough.
If I don’t do the house jobs though literally no one would have any clothes to wear, the dogs wouldn’t get walked etc etc. I already get up very early to fit everything in and I’m exhausted by the end of the day. I’m not a lazy person and I’m trying to make excuses.
Maybe I am being just being silly though and I need to just grow up, get on with it and take up the slack with the business and just try to fit the other jobs in. I’m really not sure. I know I’m annoying him at the moment because he keeps telling me how I am. I just don’t think he sees any value in me doing anything except working in the business.
Also if I go out for a dentist appointment or a doctors appointment he gets annoyed the next day saying that “you’re never here”. I did go out last week on a planned day off which he also got annoyed about. This was a one off that I had planned months ago and had had it agreed with him. As I’m writing this though maybe I should have cancelled as circumstances changed and he took this extra job so maybe I should have just stayed at work instead of going out.
So as not to drop feed I don’t go out with my friends, I don’t drink, party or anything I just work and prioritise my family.

What is the business? Surrendered wife training?

He sounds like a selfish, controlling lazy prick. Tell him to shove the family business job up his arsehole and get another job. And stop doing anything for him at home.

Can I ask for what reasons should I get another job? Because I can’t fulfil what’s expected of me?

No, quite the reverse. You are doing a great job and he is not appreciating your contribution. Take your Labour somewhere else where they will appreciate you.

Be aware, though, he will lie, he will try and tell you you will never get another job as good as this one. He doesn't want to loose you but can't bring himself to tell you that.

All the best.

I'd resign too. You don't have holiday days, you can't take time off, your h gets shitty with you if you go to the dentist?? Sod that for a lark.

I'd find another job with people I liked where I was doing what I wanted to do.

I'd also start making chores etc at home fairer so your h is doing his share. He's got a really cushy number, hasn't he?

He's a selfish twit.

I don’t go out with my friends, I don’t drink, party or anything I just work and prioritise my family.

Pet, you deserve much more than this.

Ooops posted too soon. I would be annoyed if a partner got animals and then contributed less if that wasn’t a joint decision

As she does ALL of the housework and admin etc there's a natural and logical assumption that she will of course have to be home for some hours out of each day to actually complete those tasks so there should be no issue having pets.

It only became an issue because her husband decided she's lazy only 'working' 30 hours a week because apparently cooking for the family and keeping the household running smoothly doesn't count.

If he is working less in the business, because HE CHOSE TO, then either he is the one who is lazy or he is crap at managing his business (he should have planned and hired someone else to do the jobs he can’t do whilst doing that special project. Or he does more hours).

In either case, he can’t just dump his workload on you and then say you are lazy if you don’t or can’t.

As for home, of course you stop doing stuff. Maybe not all of them, but some of them. Like all his washing and ironing. Preparing his lunch to take with him etc etc… and concentrate only on what has a direct impact on you and your dcs.

@AsLongAsIHaveMyTea

OP your husband really doesn't appreciate you and is taking you for granted. He is heaping more and more jobs on you whilst being totally unsupportive of all the things which you already do both at home and in the business, which he seems to think are beneath his notice, whilst YOU are doing them. You have little to no social life outside the drudgery you do- can you continue like this for the rest of your life? You deserve better than this. I hope you can get the courage and help you need to have a more balanced, happier life. 🌹