Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband called me an ironing board

54 replies

Fedup6 · 19/03/2023 01:12

Me and my husband had an argument this morning and I said to him " he talks in a very ugly manner". He turned around and started making hurtful comments about my body calling me an ironing board. I've never heard the term before but he said I have small breasts and no bum.

I can't believe how childish he is to say such hurtful stuff to me. I've not spoken to him since, I'm currently in the spare room. I can't believe I married such a pr**k.

I don't know what I am expecting from posting on here. I feel I need to talk about how I feel, I just feel embarrassed to tell my friend what he said so wanted to talk about it on here.

OP posts:
Ponderoveryonder · 19/03/2023 18:06

I could never sleep with a man who said this to me. I’d feel hurt , offended and self conscious.
so I’d have to ask him to leave 🤷‍♀️
He’s quite disgusting.

username1722 · 19/03/2023 20:56

People do say things in the heat of the moment that they don't mean. On the other hand, the truth can also come out when people are angry.

Either way, it's going to be hard for you to forget what he said, especially as it was so personal and completely unrelated to the argument you were having. He said it deliberately to spite you as well.

If I were you, I'd struggle to be around him knowing that he had those views on my body.

Original poster
Fedup6 · 20/03/2023 09:39

Thank you for your comments.

I've always felt confident in myself and my body so I would never let his horrible words affect how I perceive myself. His words made me realise what a horrible he is as a person.

He apologised several times yesterday, apparently I am the most beautiful woman in the world to him. He said he feels overwhelmed when I mention helping out because according to him he does alot around the house.

Either way him getting overwhelmed is no excuse for the way he spoke to me. I've decided to keep my distance from him for a while because I am not sure anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fedup6 · 20/03/2023 09:41

Fedup6 · 20/03/2023 09:39

Thank you for your comments.

I've always felt confident in myself and my body so I would never let his horrible words affect how I perceive myself. His words made me realise what a horrible he is as a person.

He apologised several times yesterday, apparently I am the most beautiful woman in the world to him. He said he feels overwhelmed when I mention helping out because according to him he does alot around the house.

Either way him getting overwhelmed is no excuse for the way he spoke to me. I've decided to keep my distance from him for a while because I am not sure anymore.

Sorry I meant his words made me realise what a horrible person he is.

OP posts:
WorryMcGee · 20/03/2023 09:50

I’m so sorry OP. I don’t think I would be able to forgive my DH if he attacked my physical appearance like that. I wouldn’t be able to be intimate with him again so it would destroy the marriage anyway no matter how many apologies I heard. I’ve recently had surgery for breast cancer and lost all my hair, I feel ugly as sin and we’ve argued since this happened (I’ve been quite difficult to live with at times and we have a baby who doesn’t sleep well) but he’s never ever said anything about my appearance, there’s no excuse for it no matter how angry/tired/overwhelmed you are. My DH has been all three of those things at once and still managed to be respectful in an argument. I hope you’re okay. You deserve much more.

fanjosaysi · 20/03/2023 09:56

I rarely say this, but this is divorce or at least separation worthy. Absolutely vile, how can you ever have sex with him again?

So every time you've had sex, he thought you look like an ironing board. Fucking hell. So nasty and the worst part is, it's not the sort of comment you can ever really forget either, or can explain away.

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/03/2023 10:00

Jeezo, why don’t people think! Comments like that stay with you. He’s an idiot. Only you know if you can forgive him if he’s generally fine and good in other ways. As others have said, having ADHD, or any condition, is no excuse for being a twat.

RB68 · 20/03/2023 10:26

I would put the ironing board in his bed and when he asks tell him to go fuck that if its no different. Although to be fair there is no way back from that one.

Raineth · 20/03/2023 10:28

He sounds emotionally absuive.

ADHD is no excuse for deliberately trying to hurt your feelings and crush your confidence.

A guy was jailed recently for stabbing his best friend to death in a preplanned murder, as he stabbed he shouted “It’s my ADHD!” Bit dark and semi-irrelevant, but what I’m getting at is I don’t give a shit if your DH has ADHD or not, either he can meet the standard of being a loving husband and a civilised person capable of having a calm discussion about housework, or he can’t, in which case this is over.

😢

premicrois · 20/03/2023 10:35

I can't believe how childish he is to say such hurtful stuff to me. I've not spoken to him since, I'm currently in the spare room. I can't believe I married such a prk

Divorce him then.

I suspect you won't, the silent treatment you are offering is just as childish btw.

The pair of you need to learn how to communicate properly, or separate.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 20/03/2023 10:49

I've got ADHD. I do see mess, but I get overwhelmed by it and have to break it down into small manageable segments to cope. This is no excuse for not doing housework. I also do not say unkind and nasty things to people like this guy does. ADHD is never an excuse for bad behaviour. It is an explanation for some things, but I don't use it for that. In fact, I very rarely tell anyone I have it. He's just a jerk who happens to have ADHD, in the same way as some jerks have blue eyes, are 6'6" tall or have small willies.

KingKatharine · 20/03/2023 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Choconut · 20/03/2023 11:12

If he's an amazing father how would he feel if someone in a relationship with his daughter put her down like that? Criticised her for things she had no control over and couldn't change?

Thoughtful2355 · 20/03/2023 11:25

What a horrible thing to say about someone you are supposed to love!

You cant be a nice person if a little bit of critism leads you to say things like that about how your partner looks

Opaljewel · 20/03/2023 12:13

ADHD is not an excuse. Abusers will abuse. I have ADHD and I have never ever spoke to someone like that or belittled someones body. His abusive nature is separate to that. I would not put up with someone speaking to me like that. Get rid.

DogDream · 20/03/2023 12:19

What a horrible thing to say and from your own DP!

according to him he does alot around the house.
this is such bullshit too. It’s not about how much he feels^ he does, it’s about how much there is to do in actuality and splitting that up fairly.

If there’s still stuff to be done there’s still stuff to be done.

BeachBlondey · 20/03/2023 12:24

Blimey, he's really shot himself in the foot there, hasn't he? Stupid man.

threecupsofteaminimum · 20/03/2023 13:52

That's the kind of thing the idiot boys at school used to say. He needs to grow the fuck up, does he have the body of Brad Pitt circa Thelma & Louise? Doubt it.

OhMerde · 20/03/2023 14:10

JenniferBooth · 19/03/2023 17:37

I would not be able to have sex with a man who insulted my body.

Me neither. Not ever again. Ever. It would honestly be the end for me. There is no coming back from personal attacks like that.

EmmasRegurgitatedShrimps · 20/03/2023 14:34

OhMerde · 20/03/2023 14:10

Me neither. Not ever again. Ever. It would honestly be the end for me. There is no coming back from personal attacks like that.

Show quote history

Yep, this is exactly what happened when my ex informed me, just as I’d become happy and proud of my post-childbirth shape, that I needed to get a plan in place to sort out my body. It’s almost funny that he still thought I’d want to sleep with him.

ReformedWaywardTeen · 20/03/2023 14:36

Sorry I'm a bitch so if he started making nasty comments about my body, I'd have had to mention how small his manhood is.

It's designed to hurt you. To make you feel not good enough.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/03/2023 14:41

He's backtracking now as he knows he has fucked up.

Stand your ground.

Write a list of ALL household tasks and ask him to tick off which ones he has done in the past week.

What a tosser. And so rude!

Jellybean23 · 20/03/2023 14:44

I'd never be able to forget what he's said.
Actually, you should be proud of your body, it sounds great to me.

Pinkbonbon · 20/03/2023 15:02

You know thar abuse right?

It's not ok for a grown adult to call people horrible things.

Added to the fact that he said it after you told him it wasn't OK. So it was extra deliberatevand intended to hurt you.

Don't stay anywhere near people who treat you woth contempt. They aren't partbers, they're bullies.

iaapap · 20/03/2023 15:07

Sounds like you married the school bully Sad