One year in... no I love you.

[Overthinkingperhaps]

So I'm in a new ish relationship
A year. And it is going amazingly well.
No arguments (yet)
No pressure.
Everything is wonderful.
And we very much act like we love eachother but neither us have said it.
It started off as very much a casual thing and for the first 3 months or so it was.
It has changed though and feels very meaningful.

We had both recently separated when we met.
And were friends for a few months before after meeting on a works night out.
He's from another company who has a small amount of input to the company I work for.

We both have children. 4 teens between us and we haven't introduced the children into it and don't actually intend to, for now anyway.

We spend a couple of evenings a week together sometimes more sometimes less. Have been away for weekends and have a holiday booked for June. Just us.

I really love him. It has become more apparent recently for me as I miss him as soon as he's gone.
But I'm so apprehensive to tell him.
I feel like a teenager again 🤣

I'm worried it will either A) not be reciprocated or/and B) will scare him off.
And I really don't want to scare him off
But after a year surely we should have said it to eachother and I'm starting to worry that it could be a problem.

Should I be worried?
Should I be brave and if I need to be brave. How do I say it
What do I do if he doesn't say it back?

@PonyPals Yeah I've seen the children being introduced too soon go wrong.
I just don't think it needs to happen
My boys don't even know about him. His boys the same but they've mentioned a hair clip I left in the bathroom so I think they know there's someone.

I told my partner I loved him 4 months into our relationship, he didn’t say it back. He then said it 3 months later. Some people are slow burners but now we’re amazing and have been talking about weddings and all sorts! Good luck! X

No, really? So she can be stuck on holiday with him if he doesn't reciprocate?

I didn't think the holiday was a good place to start as knowing my luck. I'll tell him I love him, he won't say it back and I'll spend the week feeling miserable in a really romantic place.

Perhaps the last night wouldn't be a bad shout.

I'm swaying towards before though. I'm not seeing him until Monday as he's away this weekend with his sons.
So I'll have a think.

I don't know why this seems so hard.

Oh it's agony, I remember! I was 8 months in when I told my DP. I did write a thread about it too!!! The bugger made me wait a week before he said it back 😂. We are now 2 years in and very much in love. Best advice? Just do it. Don't wait for a specific day, I did it cuddled up at night just about to drift off.

@OrlandointheWilderness A week.
I'd go out of my mind. Haha these men.

I think I'm building it up in my head too much. I think casually saying it is the way forward

I have had 2 messages this afternoon
One where in response to me saying
I guess it's because I am perfect (jokingly I should add)
His response was " you are sweetheart"

And he sent a message immediately after saying
I'm being serious by the way. You are very, very lovely.

He's not an overly sweet person so it is very sweet for him.

I have a million butterflies in my stomach.

It was the same in my current relationship. Neither of us had said it after a year, even though I knew we both felt it, so I just bit the bullet and said it on Christmas Day 2020. Was shitting myself incase he didn't say it back 😂, but he said it straight back. My DP is not an overly emotional person, but since that day, he's told me he loves me almost every day. Some people just need a bit of a nudge, and to know you feel the same way before they make that leap.

I think it's a bit of a worry that this is bothering you so much. Even if he doesn't reciprocate the words, it's clear to you he cares about your feelings. Do you really think he's right on the brink of running off, being scared away, by you telling him how you feel? Where's the insecurity coming from?

Bloody hell OP, he's said it in every single way possible apart from the explicit 'I love you'. He clearly adores you. Just tell him!

Preferably when you've both woken up with bed heads and morning breath. That's when it's the best!

@Watchkeys

I think it is a mixture of things.
My marriage left me a shell of who I used to be. I wonder why anyone would like me let alone love me. I'm working through it but yes it's taking some adjustment.

And also because he ticks every single one of my boxes and he seems too good to be true.
So I'm just worried that if it didn't work out I'd forever heartbroken tbh.

@GoodChat My friends think the same but I've convinced myself he just says nice things and doesn't mean them
I have no reason to think that and again I think it's a hangover from my marriage.

I have to just be honest I think as it is driving me mad.

It's hard when you've been through a shit relationship to believe that anyone could truly love you for who you are, but you're right in just needing to say it. Get it out there. If he doesn't say it back at least it's only a year and you haven't got your kids involved, but I'm pretty confident he will.

I think you should share your feelings with him. If you're that scared he'll leave, that'll be affecting your relationship in ways you're probably not aware of... it might be able to be even better.

It's really not about those 3 words though. Do you feel loved by him? Respected? Cherished? Nurtured?

OP, this so reminds me of my DP. It was around 8 months when he finally said it but before that the love word was being dropped into sentences just like you describe - ‘ I love our time together’ etc etc. I remember moving it on a bit when we were laughing about something he’d done and he
made a jokey self-deprecating comment. I just laughed and said ‘that’s one of the things I love about you’ and it all went nicely from there!

sounds to me like he’s as nervous as you are about being the first one to say it!

@GoodChat It is so hard.
I never thought someone liking me and all of the "quirks" I have would be a problem.
I didn't even think it was possible. When he said he loved the way my nose crinkles when I laugh I could have cried.
As I don't think my ex husband even noticed it.

I told him tonight that I'm very glad I met him and he said me too overthinkingperhaps.
And then said how much he was looking forward to the holiday in June.

I'm just going to tell him when it feels right.
And hopefully when I've had some Dutch courage. Ha

@Watchkeys I think you're right.
As I'm sometimes overly anxious and while I think I hide it well I think he knows.
As he will say you're such an overthinker.

I definitely do feel loved by him.
I maybe putting too much emphasis on those three words.
My ex husband used to tell me he loved me. Yet i never really felt it iyswim.
And cherished, more respected than I've ever been and nurtured.
I've never felt so safe

Which ironically is making me feel unsafe and weak.

I went through this with my boyfriend.

We'd been together 7 months and I knew, I was totally crazy about him. He was visiting a friend for a week and I dropped him off at the station and so very nearly shouted it at him before I drove away, but chickened out. I missed him so much that week.

Anyway, it just kind of slipped out when we were in bed. And he didn't say it back. So I got upset. But we did talk, and he did kind of tell me in a roundabout way he felt the same, but was holding back due to being hurt before. He also said he'd nearly said it before a couple of times. He did say it eventually, phew!

We've been together 3 years now, I'm still just as in love with him. Hopefully he still loves me (I'm a bit of an overthinker too, and still can't believe he likes me!)

@Stillhatemondays Ahh see this is what I need to hear.
I have visions of him running for the hills.

We have a very piss taking kind of relationship as he's older (5 years) so I'll often say yeah that's because you're old etc.
And he said to me last time I saw him.
When I'm mean to you (not mean btw just as I say we are both piss takers) I do it in a very loving way
And I thought is now the time. Shall I?

And instead just said good 🙃

@KilljoysMakeSomeNoise I need to hear this too.
I need to be prepared that he won't say it back instantly.
I know i would.
But if he doesn't I can't run off crying. I need to own it.

He just messaged. He's away with his sons.

I can't get to him as early as I'd have liked to Monday.

And he replied.
" it is fine, it is a good job I like you quite a bit ❤️❤️"

And now I'm back to the anxious me.
The quite a bit has thrown me
Although if I'm rational. I'd say that and mean loads.

But irrational me thinks oh great.
Like.

My relationship started similarly to yours. I remember one day he hugged me really closely and then said “I really like you, in a way”, I was gutted!

In the end I just started to say “love you” as I was saying goodnight, going to sleep. Eventually I pushed him, he said of course he loved me, just found it hard to say.

We’ve been together almost 8 years, I still say “I love you” about x5 more than he reciprocates, but it’s become a joke between us.

@Overthinkingperhaps can you not copy his jesting you mentioned earlier and reply saying “like me!!?”

I would actually respond to that with "well I love you!" And then at least you know.

Just tell him.....

He’s TOTALLY telling you here!