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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Handhold needed

32 replies

feelingsad2023 · 14/03/2023 19:45

Have had the dreaded we need to talk message from my partner of a year and now I need to wait til he finishes work to find out what's up

He has been weirdly distant all weekend and I can see that there is a new lady paying attention to all his Facebook posts

He hasn't been that great to me recently I seem to end up paying for most things and last night when he came over and I made him dinner he just fell asleep

I feel so sick and anxious

OP posts:
SheRasBra · 14/03/2023 19:50

Just dropped by to say that I read your message. Sorry, this sounds so stressful. Not sure why you're being made to wait with this hanging over your head. All I can offer is the old adage 'hope for the best but prepare for the worst'.

It sounds like you've seen a change in him recently and suspect his feelings might have changed. Sending you a virtual handhold. Whatever happens, you will be ok. We're all stronger than we think. Come and have a vent on here if it helps x

NicholJO · 14/03/2023 19:51

That don't sound good I'm sorry stay strong have your talk we will be here for you

AaaaaandBreathe · 14/03/2023 19:51
Flowers

No matter what it is he wants to talk about, he's not treating you as you deserve to be treated. It should be you wanting a chat with him!

GoodChat · 14/03/2023 19:52

Honestly from your post it sounds like separating would be for the best. He sounds awful even if he doesn't end things.

Haddie321 · 14/03/2023 19:55

Sending lots of love your way. From the sounds of it you don't sound very happy either and thats just as important as whatever he is feeling.

Original poster
feelingsad2023 · 14/03/2023 19:56

Thank you all for your kind messages

it helps as I can't talk to my friends today as they all have a lot going on

I have noticed that he just waits around for me to pay for things now even supermarket shopping

I can't remember the last time he took me out and he is always sulking about something

It's not the first time I have had this sort of message but it inspires great anxiety

OP posts:
nc345678 · 14/03/2023 19:58

The fact that he is prepared to send you a message like this knowing full well the anxiety it's likely to cause you for a prolonged period is all you need to know about this man. Trust me- it's horrible right now but you are dodging a massive bullet.

GlassBunion · 14/03/2023 19:58

Maybe tell him to not bother coming over and that you'll be in touch.

Macaroni46 · 14/03/2023 19:59

Why are you with him? You say it's only been a year? You should be in the honeymoon phase still not feeling anxious and let down. I think you'd be better off without him.
Sending you hugs.

GlassBunion · 14/03/2023 19:59

Then leave him be.

Original poster
feelingsad2023 · 14/03/2023 20:10

Now the fucker has finished work and still won't tell me what's wrong

I feel overly stressed but appreciate all the kind responses

I know I deserve better because he knows the message would inspire massive anxiety with me

I love the supportiveness of mumsnet

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 14/03/2023 20:17

Is he at your place? Tell him to leave?
If not time to head out and away from thinking about him. An exercise class? Or go out and buy some stuff for a home pamper session? Or meet a friend for a drink?
Sod him. You deserve respect and to be treated kindly.

Huckleberries73 · 14/03/2023 20:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

bloodywhitecat · 14/03/2023 20:25

Tell him to jog on, mind games are not an attractive characteristic. In a year's time he'll still be doing it (either to you or to someone new) and you deserve better.

GoodChat · 14/03/2023 20:29

Just text him and tell him you're done wasting your time and energy (and money!) on him and ask him not to contact you again, then block him.

boozebarge · 14/03/2023 20:34

Dump him before he dumps you! I know, I know, not that easy, but it would be so satisfying. Leaving you hanging is just mean. So sorry this is happening to you. Hugs x

Original poster
feelingsad2023 · 14/03/2023 20:46

I know the fucker has changed his WhatsApp profile pic so I know he has been online

I m going to go to bed I think and not answer is phone call if he indeed decides he can put me out of my misery

I shall plan a holiday I think it's always been on my bucket list to go to North Carolina I have a good friend there who runs writing retreats

In fact the last time he was nasty to me and I can't even remember what he had done other than I was packing to go on a work trip and became tearful when I put on a make up bag a friend had given me and thought well at least someone cares

OP posts:
TheHouseNextDoor · 14/03/2023 20:49

Honestly, just block him.

You are worth more.

Wolfiefan · 14/03/2023 20:49

That holiday sounds absolutely amazing.

nc345678 · 14/03/2023 20:51

Whatever you do, don't bite. He is obviously getting a thrill from having the control in the situation and leaving you hanging like this. Take the control back- this ends on your terms, not his.

Original poster
feelingsad2023 · 14/03/2023 20:53

@Wolfiefan it's actually a lady I met online during covid who has also had a horrible time

I had a weird dream that we were on an adventure the other day

Actually me and my colleague were both have an in-depth chat about our plans to one day visit North Carolina as we walked into a small shop out of town, and the girl working there was from North Carolina , we had literally been discussing it as we walked in

So it seems all roads lead to a single holiday

I ve locked my door so he can't let himself in and I m going to try and be really strong and not reply now

If I listed all the things he has done to me people would think I was mental

OP posts:
AuntieJoyce · 14/03/2023 20:53

He sounds a Tosser. Fuck him 💐

Wolfiefan · 14/03/2023 21:33

Turn off any device you can reply on. He doesn’t deserve your time.

LilLilLi · 14/03/2023 22:14

You sound lovely. He sounds like a prick.

Please block him and free yourself to find someone decent. You’ll be so much happier without him and I suspect your anxiety will disappear too….

Ofcourseshecan · 14/03/2023 22:26

To hell with him and his horrible behaviour, OP. Dump him, go to North Carolina, have a wonderful time with your friend, and come back ready to enjoy life without him weighing you down.

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