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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Handhold needed

32 replies

feelingsad2023 · 14/03/2023 19:45

Have had the dreaded we need to talk message from my partner of a year and now I need to wait til he finishes work to find out what's up

He has been weirdly distant all weekend and I can see that there is a new lady paying attention to all his Facebook posts

He hasn't been that great to me recently I seem to end up paying for most things and last night when he came over and I made him dinner he just fell asleep

I feel so sick and anxious

OP posts:
Catoo · 14/03/2023 22:42

He sounds like a turd.
At the moment he thinks he has all the power. Take it back by blocking or ignoring. Thankfully it’s only been one year and not longer.
Good luck OP. X

barmycatmum · 14/03/2023 22:46

GOOD FOR YOU for refusing to give him the power he’s looking for! I’m cheering for you over here!
what a manipulative bastard.

cornedbeefteef · 14/03/2023 22:48

Ugh what a manipulative bastard. Probably hoping you will beg him to divulge what's on his precious little mind. You are doing the right thing by not pandering to it. And a writing retreat in North Carolina sounds lovely

junebirthdaygirl · 14/03/2023 22:50

In the morning if he messages could you say..can we leave the chat until the weekend as l have a few busy days ahead..chat then.
Try and do things differently to take the wind out of his sails.
Write out that list of things he has done and keep it for yourself to read over to remind you he is definitely not worth getting anxious over.

Original poster
feelingsad2023 · 15/03/2023 07:22

Thank you all it's very much appreciated and each and every post helped me so much when I was feeling gloomy

He pretended he just wanted to talk to me about something random

I have told him I need some space and have booked some overtime to keep busy and pay for my holiday

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 15/03/2023 07:25

Reading your posts it's very obviously you know you deserve better.

I agree with sending him a message to say you're busy and will talk next week.

Then you end it.

Have a great life with someone who deserves you.

perfectcolourfound · 15/03/2023 07:29

Get that holiday booked! And block him. You know he's no good for you and is using you.

He's tight, uses you for money, plays games with your head, sends a message that he knew would cause anxiety then refuses to discuss it, flirts with another woman (possibly more).

He isn't good for you. He's an energy sapper, an anxiety-maker, a user.

Please don't give in to him. He sounds like the type who will try some sweet-talk to get himself back in your good books so he can keep leaching off you. He feels better about himself by treating you badly, so if you block him he may feel the need to get you back so he can be the one to finish with you.

Book that holiday. Make plans for the future. It will be so much happier without him in it!

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