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Original poster

Would this give you the 'ick'?

44 replies

stripeypinksox · 13/03/2023 15:27

I've been seeing a guy for about 6 months, he still lives with his parents so invited me round for dinner. He's usually fairly clean and presented fine but my god.. their house is disgusting. It stank of what I think must be cat piss or something? I dunno but the smell was overwhelming. I wasn't expecting it to be like that at all.
What would you do?

OP posts:
Tigp · 13/03/2023 15:32

Yes it would

HowRatherGolly · 13/03/2023 15:35

yes it would matter to me. Clean mind clean house and all that, but saying that when my kids were young my house was a mess at times, specially during the day when they were awake.

Have you been to his bedroom? is that tidy? or is it messy? because I promise you, I am 52 and have some life experience, and a grown up son, that if the bedroom is messy, there is very little ambition to keep it clean, and if your relationship progresses, then it will be YOUR job to clean, most of the time, as they cant see the dirt, or like someone I once knew said, the dirt and smell isnt going anywhere and they rather be outside enjoying life than inside cleaning.

A smelly house is a problem for you now, and it will remain like this until you normalise it

TempNCforthis · 13/03/2023 15:35

I couldn't recover from that!

Choconut · 13/03/2023 15:37

No it's his parents house. I mean unless it's him causing the piss smell I wouldn't stop seeing him. I would probably have to say though, is there an unusual smell at your parents house? Have you noticed?

TempNCforthis · 13/03/2023 15:38

He lives there as well though. It's his home.

SallyWD · 13/03/2023 15:51

No it wouldn't as long as he's clean and had good personal hygiene (always brushes his teeth, showers frequently etc). My parents had a dirty house, still do, but I keep my own home very clean. I know he lives there too but it's their home, their stuff, their cats etc. When you have decades worth of grime and clutter it can seem a bit daunting. When I lived with my parents, I tried to take control a couple of times and have a big clean but the house always returned to its former state very quickly. It's just how they are.

HareintheBluebells · 13/03/2023 15:52

How old is he? Do you know why he still lives at home?

Original poster
stripeypinksox · 13/03/2023 15:59

He's 32. His bedroom isn't horrendous but pretty messy, clothes piled up, glasses obviously been there for ages, that kind of thing.
I know they can't smell it because they wanted some paintwork doing and the decorator refused as he said the smell would be a health hazard. He said he just didn't want the job and the house doesn't smell 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
stripeypinksox · 13/03/2023 16:00

He lives at home as he said he's never been able to afford to move out. He's always been supporting his parents financially.

OP posts:
HaveTheDayOff · 13/03/2023 16:07

Run for the hills.

Asummersday · 13/03/2023 16:09

Sounds like a loser tbh! Move on

HareintheBluebells · 13/03/2023 16:10

Doesn't sound great, OP.

Sunriseinwonderland · 13/03/2023 16:13

So his room is a mess as well. And he can't smell the cats piss. Sorry I'd be off.

Nosecan · 13/03/2023 16:14

Gross. I’d run for the hills.

Nosecan · 13/03/2023 16:15

stripeypinksox · 13/03/2023 16:00

He lives at home as he said he's never been able to afford to move out. He's always been supporting his parents financially.

This is very sweet though. But also a red flag, what does that say for your future together?

Zola1 · 13/03/2023 16:16

stripeypinksox · 13/03/2023 15:59

He's 32. His bedroom isn't horrendous but pretty messy, clothes piled up, glasses obviously been there for ages, that kind of thing.
I know they can't smell it because they wanted some paintwork doing and the decorator refused as he said the smell would be a health hazard. He said he just didn't want the job and the house doesn't smell 🤦🏼‍♀️

This is red flags..a 32 year old living with his parents in a shit pit bedroom? He couldn't even be bothered to remove the dirty glasses before you visit?
This isn't normal.

Xrays · 13/03/2023 16:18

stripeypinksox · 13/03/2023 16:00

He lives at home as he said he's never been able to afford to move out. He's always been supporting his parents financially.

And there’s your real red flag.

category12 · 13/03/2023 16:59

Xrays · 13/03/2023 16:18

And there’s your real red flag.

Show quote history

Yep, what's your future together look like if he can't afford to move out because he's supporting his parents? They're not suddenly going to be able to manage on their own, are they? He'll be wanting you to support him so he can support them.

Plus he lives in the smell and does nothing about it.

Dump!

gemloving · 13/03/2023 17:22

@HowRatherGolly agreed. My house was a lot cleaner before I had kids. I now have 1&4 year old, 3rd on the way and I feel like somethings got to give but I am having a cleaner come around tomorrow so hopefully, it'll help us all a little x

Natty13 · 13/03/2023 17:37

stripeypinksox · 13/03/2023 16:00

He lives at home as he said he's never been able to afford to move out. He's always been supporting his parents financially.

Erm, then where do you see this relationship going?

Putting aside no24. Cat Piss Avenue, say you keep seeing him, fall in love and decide to live together/marry/have kids/get a pet...how is that going to work if he hasn't ever moved out because he needs to support them financially? Are you keen to subsidise a grown man financially supporting his parents because best case scenario that is what your future is.

CaliforniaBody · 13/03/2023 17:43

What the fuck he's 32 living with him parents that's enough an ick for me.
It doesn't matter if the mess is the parents mess, the bedroom is rank and if I knew my housemate or parents are messy dirty people why would I host someone there? It means he is blind to the smell and sight. You'll end up living with a pig. I doubt he's helping them financially, please.
He likes to paint himself as the hero when he's a big fat loser.
Unless you too are over 25 and living with your parents, too?????

Original poster
stripeypinksox · 13/03/2023 17:57

No24 cat piss avenue.. that's amused me! I have 2 children and live in my own (rented) house so I know what mess is but there's a difference between messy and dirty if that makes sense. It was a very strong, hit you in the face as you walk in.. smell. His sister has a partner who comes round a lot so I'm not sure what he thinks.
I think he probably does help them out a lot money wise.
He is a very kind and nice person but I don't know.. it's just made me doubt things a bit.

OP posts:
iamenough2023 · 13/03/2023 17:57

I know that everybody is different and has different priorities. I love a clean house and although I have a full time job and three kids I make sure I clean it regularly, which for me is once a week on Fridays. This does not mean it is pristine, but just like reasonably clean and tidy. I would totally be put off by this, but you need to decide what this means for you.

Fromwetome · 13/03/2023 18:03

To be honest if he is already defensive of his parents and the house when it clearly reeks, it’s means that as the relationship progresses he won’t be able to put boundaries down, if there was ever conflict between you and his parents he wouldn’t support you and would defend his parents always. I know people will probably argue “no way can you tell that from that alone” but I can tell that, from a man who claimed a decorater “didn’t want the job” despite being told the house was a health hazard, he is ignorant to any impact his parents choices have on others. And that will extend to you.

his ignorance is a massive tell on what he will be like in the future regarding his parents behaviour.

Pixiedust1234 · 13/03/2023 18:04

There's no future as he will never willingly leave them financially. He would probably be very happy to move into your lovely clean house but he wouldn't pay the bills or rent or holidays or meals out or...well, anything. You might even end up buying his clothes. Ask yourself this, do i want a cocklodger?