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Original poster

Would this give you the 'ick'?

44 replies

stripeypinksox · 13/03/2023 15:27

I've been seeing a guy for about 6 months, he still lives with his parents so invited me round for dinner. He's usually fairly clean and presented fine but my god.. their house is disgusting. It stank of what I think must be cat piss or something? I dunno but the smell was overwhelming. I wasn't expecting it to be like that at all.
What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
stripeypinksox · 13/03/2023 18:08

He earns around the £30k mark I think.. and I've only got a living wage job 16 hours a week topped up with UC.. so if he's looking for someone to support him, he's come to the wrong place.
He just says his parents are terrible with money and on top of paying board etc he bails them out a lot.
I just don't know, it's not somewhere I would bring my children round to.

OP posts:
BeatrixFranklin · 13/03/2023 18:12

Sorry there’s no way I could have eaten in a house like you describe. If they can’t keep a clean home God knows what their food hygiene is like.. Run far away asap!

category12 · 13/03/2023 18:15

stripeypinksox · 13/03/2023 18:08

He earns around the £30k mark I think.. and I've only got a living wage job 16 hours a week topped up with UC.. so if he's looking for someone to support him, he's come to the wrong place.
He just says his parents are terrible with money and on top of paying board etc he bails them out a lot.
I just don't know, it's not somewhere I would bring my children round to.

Doesn't that alarm you? At their ages, they're not going to get better with money.

It may be none of your concern presently how he spends his money, but if you were to progress this, it would be an issue.

And he may see you managing on a low income and think he need not contribute much if he did move in - after all, you manage on little..

gamerchick · 13/03/2023 18:18

You won't be able to live with him. He simply doesn't know how to adult properly and you would have to train him up. He'll resist, because his normal is that bad and won't see the issue.

I'd bin this one off personally.

Tuilpmouse · 13/03/2023 19:25

Lots of red flags here!

Firstly, you've been dating for six months and this is the first time you've been to his house!? Though given it's state, I'm not surprised he's not taken you.

Second, he couldn't even be bothered to clean and tidy his own room.

Thirdly, he shouldn't be supporting his parent's financially. I suppose the fact he is means he's kind, but it's messed up. He'll ruin his life if he doesn't put some boundaries in place quick. It's very unusual though, and normally the other way round with parents supporting their man-child! Presumably they got by when he was younger?

PillBoxes · 13/03/2023 19:33

How could an adult invite a girlfriend to visit and not make the place clean and presentable? Ugh the state of the house and the fact that he didn't care would be more than enough for me. I'd be polite and endure it for the duration of the visit, but would never cross the threshold again.

And a 32 year old living with Mummy and Daddy in a shit tip? Not quite the norm at all. He could support his parents with a cleaner, but he probably doesn't see or smell the place anymore, and it's normal to him.

Can't see him putting on the marigolds if you do decide to give it a go in your place. But it's your decision and your gut will tell you the answer. Don't make excuses though. It is all down to him.

Gwenhwyfar · 13/03/2023 19:55

Choconut · 13/03/2023 15:37

No it's his parents house. I mean unless it's him causing the piss smell I wouldn't stop seeing him. I would probably have to say though, is there an unusual smell at your parents house? Have you noticed?

Exactly. My parents' house isn't clean and tidy, but that isn't my fault and wasn't even when I was living there. Unless he's in charge of all the housework and had permission to throw things away etc. it's probably not under his control.

gamerchick · 13/03/2023 20:02

Gwenhwyfar · 13/03/2023 19:55

Exactly. My parents' house isn't clean and tidy, but that isn't my fault and wasn't even when I was living there. Unless he's in charge of all the housework and had permission to throw things away etc. it's probably not under his control.

Show quote history

He lives there doesn't he? Is his bedroom not under his control as well?

Gwenhwyfar · 13/03/2023 20:11

"He lives there doesn't he? Is his bedroom not under his control as well?"

The OP is about the house in general and I hadn't read about his bedroom when I wrote my comment. Of course his own bedroom should be tidy.
I can tell you though that if you live with hoarders, and you want to do any serious cleaning or tidying, you better be good at self defence!

Natty13 · 13/03/2023 20:19

One of my closest friends was dating a guy years ago. Really nice guy, generous, funny. We all liked him. She had to have a serious go at him and said that going round to his flat and there being clothes left in piles, and old cups/glasses in there was a serious turn off and made her not want to have sex with him. I guess hos other redeeming features prevailed for her because it's 5 years later and they bought a house together.

I just don't know what to say when she complains about him being a pig to live with. They fight about it all the time and their relationship is in the shit because he has low standards of tidiness and she sees that as disrespect. Don't ignore these qualities just because he is nice to you. Lots of men are nice and also clean up their dirty dishes.

Mortimermay · 13/03/2023 20:40

I would be very wary. I dated someone many years ago whose parents were hoarders. I can't even begin to describe their house and he wouldn't even let me go into their kitchen because he said it was even worse than the bits I'd seen. However, it had had the opposite effect on him, his bedroom and spaces were immaculate to the point where he was almost obsessive about it. Ultimately, when our relationship eventually ended I realised that despite similar excuses to those you've been given, he just lacked maturity and was actually quite selfish. It had been easier for him to just stay at home despite the living conditions and although he also helped his parents out it did also mean he had very little responsibility and could spend all his cash on whatever he wanted e.g. cars/bikes etc. He was like a tidy teenager who didn't want to grow up...but was in his 30s.

Usernameisunavailable · 13/03/2023 20:40

Yes it would give me the ick. Ewww, just horrible. I couldn’t carry on with someone like that. I see no future in the relationship, as he’s always going to be bailing his parents out in their piss-smelling house. Yuck, move on.

emptythelitterbox · 13/03/2023 20:47

This guy is a loser with a capital L.

Everything about him and his family is dysfunctional.

WitchesCauldron · 13/03/2023 20:48

Yes it would bother me. My mil's house is a bit like that. Thankfully I've managed to train DH to more stringent standards

maddy68 · 13/03/2023 20:48

It's not his house. My mum's also stinks of cat piss. Mine definitely does not

Natty13 · 13/03/2023 20:51

maddy68 · 13/03/2023 20:48

It's not his house. My mum's also stinks of cat piss. Mine definitely does not

He lives in it. When you live in a house, it's your home and you are just as responsible for making sure it's not foul smelling as whoever name is on the deeds.

Maybe you think it's his parents' fault he leaves clothes and dirty glasses to pile up in his room?

category12 · 13/03/2023 21:01

maddy68 · 13/03/2023 20:48

It's not his house. My mum's also stinks of cat piss. Mine definitely does not

No, but at 30-odd you'd think he'd move out somewhere less stinky if it bothers him, or at minimum keep his room clean and well-aired.

If it doesn't bother him, it doesn't bode well.

Wonderland19 · 13/03/2023 21:17

My anxiety would be is it really because he bails his parents out or does he have some undisclosed financial issues.

When I met my partner he lived with his parents as he couldn't afford to rent, he had debts and had just split from his ex. But he was honest, sorted his shit out, got a better paid job and pulled his socks up. BUT I made it clear what I expected and I wouldn't be with someone who screwed me over financially.

Could you have an open conversation about what would happen if you wanted to move in together in the future? What would his parental support look like?

Gwenhwyfar · 15/03/2023 20:58

"When you live in a house, it's your home and you are just as responsible for making sure it's not foul smelling as whoever name is on the deeds."

No, that's not true because you're not in charge.
Different for his bedroom of course.

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