Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've blocked him but I owe him £10, wwyd?

63 replies

TheLingeringTenner · 12/03/2023 21:05

I posted late last year about having a crush on the owner of a business I frequented to do with a hobby (think sport)

Long story short I put my cards on the table and we went out a few times and ended up sleeping together but it didn't go anywhere as it transpired he was hung up on his on/off ex so I blocked him a few weeks ago as my feelings were getting hurt.

He would do this thing where when I go to buy something he'd say "don't worry about it, just give me it next time" despite me insisting he take the money. Upon reflection I think was his way of ensuring I kept coming back as I'd know I owed him something iykwim.

So at the point of blocking there was an outstanding £10 and I don't have his bank details.

Would you

A) Unblock him and ask him to send the details so I can transfer the money and then promptly block him again.

B) Take it into the shop.

C) Send it in the post.

I don't like the idea of not repaying it. I know it's only a few quid but it's the principle and I don't like feeling like I haven't paid what's owed.

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 12/03/2023 22:08

Also, blocking people just because a relationship didn’t launch is an overreaction. To then get in touch because you feel you owe him money for a coffee he freely paid for us just playing games

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 12/03/2023 22:08

You don't owe him a tenner because he didn't lend you it. Leave it.

Loki64 · 12/03/2023 22:09

Also think that this is actually u looking for a reason to get in touch and not him paying a tenner to keep u coming back. Its a tenner.

MajesticWhine · 12/03/2023 22:09

Don't pay. It's only £10 and it would look like you're sending mixed messages. Blocked is blocked.

Jellykat · 12/03/2023 22:10

Its a tenner, i very much doubt he gives a monkeys about it!
Move on..

Justalittlebitduckling · 12/03/2023 22:14

Let it go. He’s probably forgotten. If it was £100, maybe.

Do you think you’re deliberating over this because you actually like feeling connected to him still and like you might still have a reason to see him one more time? I ask because I was like that with my ex. I held onto a couple of his books for ages and fantasised about all the ways I might give them back. When I did eventually see him and give them back he’d completely forgotten and I wished I hadn’t bothered.

Annabananna1 · 12/03/2023 22:27

Definitely just forget it and never think of it again. It's a tenner. It's opening up communication if you do anything. I'm sure he can cover it.

winterbegone · 12/03/2023 22:30

I wouldn't give it a second thought, you were dating and you both spent money, not sure he deserves it after hurting you? Anyhow it's just a tenner, not worth the hassle.

Original poster
TheLingeringTenner · 12/03/2023 22:33

Justalittlebitduckling · 12/03/2023 22:14

Let it go. He’s probably forgotten. If it was £100, maybe.

Do you think you’re deliberating over this because you actually like feeling connected to him still and like you might still have a reason to see him one more time? I ask because I was like that with my ex. I held onto a couple of his books for ages and fantasised about all the ways I might give them back. When I did eventually see him and give them back he’d completely forgotten and I wished I hadn’t bothered.

Agh It's entirely possible for sure. I think if I was as 'over it' as I'm telling myself I am then I wouldn't be giving it a seconds thought 🤦🏼‍♀️

Thank you MN for giving my head a wobble.

OP posts:
evemillbank · 12/03/2023 22:44

You offered to pay him back and he declined. Definitely forget it otherwise you're making it weird.

SunshineAndFizz · 12/03/2023 22:57

Don't post it back.

This would look really weird, knowing you'd obsessed over £10 I've already forgotten about and gone to the trouble of hand delivering it after dark.

Forget it.

I'd defo think you were desperate to get back in touch. Why else would you care.

Highdrama · 12/03/2023 22:57

Are you sure you actually ‘owe’ him the money? What was it for?

I probably wouldn’t think twice about it tbh.

When I finished with one guy several years ago, he asked through friends for £10 for an old jumper he had given me. I didn’t even want the jumper and it was so petty but I paid up just to stop him going on about it.

YouTarzan · 12/03/2023 23:17

Honestly, I think it would look a bit petty to give him it back, and even odder to post it through his door. Just forget about it. Nobody would think you were trying to avoid a debt.

Fuckstix · 13/03/2023 06:53

I'd leave it if he insisted on paying at the time. A tenner won't ruin him (you don't mention wanting to pay it back because he's hard up) so I'd leave it. Looks like prolonging things otherwise. If you're certain you want to pay then yes, put it in an envelope with a very brief note explaining where you owed it from.

Original poster
TheLingeringTenner · 13/03/2023 08:19

It wasn't for coffee or something he insisted on paying for it was something from the shop he insisted I pay for later as opposed to there and then.

I will look like a right tit posting it now after weeks of him being blocked, you're all right. I think ill leave it after all.

OP posts:
IreneLady · 13/03/2023 08:29

I think it's worse owing something even if it's a tenner than giving money back while being blocked, I don't even see how or why it's relevant whether he is blocked or not you can hate someone or be angry with them and still want to settle up a debt or pay back a loan... it's not like you're posting him a love note it's money owed and I don't care that it's a tenner, it's still money owed. I don't understand this give it to charity idea, I might donate if I can't trace the person but in this case, just put it in an envelop and drop it in his letter box or post it. He can stay blocked and you can pay back what you owe.

Original poster
TheLingeringTenner · 13/03/2023 08:35

IreneLady · 13/03/2023 08:29

I think it's worse owing something even if it's a tenner than giving money back while being blocked, I don't even see how or why it's relevant whether he is blocked or not you can hate someone or be angry with them and still want to settle up a debt or pay back a loan... it's not like you're posting him a love note it's money owed and I don't care that it's a tenner, it's still money owed. I don't understand this give it to charity idea, I might donate if I can't trace the person but in this case, just put it in an envelop and drop it in his letter box or post it. He can stay blocked and you can pay back what you owe.

This was my POV exactly when I posted but so many people think it'll look ridiculous 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
IreneLady · 13/03/2023 09:19

Fair is fair and what's right is right, feelings aside it's money owed. You both agreed it will be back later, you blocked contact that there won't be a later arranged to pay him back, you've closed the opportunity for him to ask you for it or for you to see him again and pay it back. I think it's more petty to withhold a tenner. You wouldn't think of someone who stole a tenner as no big deal and in a way actually saying it's a tenner let it go goes with the narrative that men pay and women put out and that because they went to bed, that was one of the costs involved in their relationship, miscellaneous costs of dating. I want to be seen as equal and as keeping my word, so if a relationship ends and I'm upset, if I owe something I can pay it back without speaking to them. Not paying it back is more petty because it looks like you're punishing him twice even at the cost of keeping your own word and 'honour'.

IreneLady · 13/03/2023 09:21

If this was judge judy she'd tell you to pay him back. ok I'm out.

Fuckstix · 13/03/2023 10:27

Ah ok well it's annoying that he insisted but I suppose if the agreement was to pay him back then fair enough to stick it in an envelope with a short note saying '£10 owed for shopping at Tesco as agreed'. Then you're settled.

SoupDragon · 13/03/2023 10:34

I'd pay it (envelope to shop or post) because otherwise it would always be in my mind. I wouldn't worry about maybe "looking a tit" as I wouldn't know about that. I'd definitely keep thinking about the £10 I owed though.

Comedycook · 13/03/2023 10:36

I wouldn't do anything. Agree with pps it will make you look like you wanted an excuse to resume contact. It's £10....if he was very poor, I might send a cheque but I really doubt he cares.

MarshaMelrose · 13/03/2023 10:46

But you didn't block him because he was horrible. Or did you? Wasn't it just because he hadn't moved on as you, and maybe he, had hoped.
If he'd lent me money, I'd pay it back regardless of the amount.
But if we were taking turns paying and I just got my turn off, I wouldn't bother. That just happens in that sort of payment situation and I don't think people think about it too much.

GoodChat · 13/03/2023 10:50

I don't understand why you blocked him in the first place. Can't you still go to his shop without jumping on him?

Original poster
TheLingeringTenner · 13/03/2023 11:18

I blocked him because whilst I wanted to continue seeing him in a romantic sense he was being flaky and said he really wanted to but he was feeling conflicted about his feelings for somebody else.

That translated to me as "I'm not interested"

I figured there was little point us staying in contact as we wanted different things and I didn't want to be messed around.

He wasn't horrible no.

Ofc I can go into the shop without jumping on him but I'd feel too awkward after being essentially dumped 😂

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread