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Original poster

Husband quit job and now burning through our savings

54 replies

Cherry85 · 10/03/2023 21:57

My husband quit his job last year after a health scare and to focus on looking after his ill parent.the agreement was he would take three months off max to focus on his health and spend time with his dad....he is still off 6 months later, heavier and unhealthily than ever and spends all day on tik tok.

Last year his dad gave us a very considerable amount of money as a wedding gift.....I have just found out over 80% of it is gone already (it should have only been around 10% on our bills etc that he was covering). I am starting to really panic about money, we have a DS and I work part time.... but I'm starting g to wonder at what point you step in and protect yourself.

Our relationship has gone down the pan due to his depression but I keep hoping he will snap out of it soon..... but I am worried about the state we will be in financially by then.

I don't even know what I'd be entitled to financially as only been married a year.

I guess I feel if he had been focusing on getting healthier and actually committed to the things he was planning to do to help himself then the finances would be manageable - but at the moment there is very little signal of any effort.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 11/03/2023 04:06

OP I’d separate now as in immediately You can always reconcile late if things improve but your DC needs to be your priority and your DH certainly isn’t prioritising him.

What you would be entitled to will depend on the length of your relationship not just the length of your marriage. End it now, tell your FIL why do that he can step in and help your DH Your DC is innocent in all this and he needs you to step up. I’m so sorry.

Lostmummy5 · 11/03/2023 07:38

It's nothing to do with the Tik Tok. My husband used to spend huge amounts of money. There are lots of online games where you must buy everything. He played game "Rise of Kingdoms" and sometimes he used to pay up to £500/day.
It's even worse than gambling.
Try to get access to his statements.

Aphrathestorm · 11/03/2023 07:42

Cut your losses now and go.

CrapBucket · 11/03/2023 07:49

Your thread reminded me, my ex used to spend hours and £££ playing a game about tanks. Total waste of money and time. Don't waste years of your life like I did. Go and see a solicitor ASAP.

Brightshinylight · 11/03/2023 07:57

Start devising an exit strategy. First year of marriage and it is clear you and DH are miles apart. He will not change, leave him set on the sofa with TikTok /online games/gambling & move on.

Only your husband can help himself out if the depression & there are no signs he is doing that.

Bananalanacake · 11/03/2023 08:20

I thought tik tok was for kids.

AlwaysLatte · 11/03/2023 08:22

Is his Dad still alive? One thing to consider, if his Dad is or will be getting any sort of home or residential care, that the money he gave you could be seen as Deprivation of Assets if he doesn't have enough other money or property to cover the care.
At the very least with your husband, I would insist on sitting down with him and looking through his account to go through where the money went. And make him agree to some sort of counselling. If we was unwilling to do either I don't think there would be enough trust to stay with him. Also if he'd been using the money to see other women I'd be off.

MrsRickAstley · 11/03/2023 08:34

I would be absolutely devastated at the loss of all that money. Sod the marriage. Was the money both of yours I.e you both saved equally.

The money issue alone is enough to call time. Let alone all the rest.

MrsCarson · 11/03/2023 08:36

Let his family know what he's doing and kick him out. What an arse.

Sunriseinwonderland · 11/03/2023 08:46

You don't just "snap out" of depression but you do have to actively seek help.
I've suffered from depression for three years but because I live alone I take the medication and force myself to go into work everyday because I have no other options or I'd lose the home I've worked so hard for.
Unfortunately he is using you and the money to just do nothing.
He needs a wake up call.

IHateFlies · 11/03/2023 08:55

Time for the riot act to him - get help and get sorted because no one needs to be living like this.
Unhealthy diet and hours on TikTok would send a well person down a spiral of physical and mental illness.
Can you get support from his family? Maybe he needs an intervention.

Justmeandthedog1 · 11/03/2023 09:01

He’s spending it on something, that’s a lot of money to go through. Gambling is the most likely.
My ex-h did similar, but he was an alcoholic. Walked out of his job and sat at home drinking with me paying everything. He nearly bankrupted me.
Take any money you can and walk away now. Leave him the numbers of his GP and Gamblers Anonymous, tell him to get help.

Calmdown14 · 11/03/2023 09:06

You need to know where it is.

Being generous, I wouldn't keep 65k in the account it was paid into. It would be in various savings accounts to maximize the return and to provide different access levels.

But this would show up as transfers on statements. What is on his account to show the transactions?

You are married. You should know about this and it's not unreasonable to talk about it. If he won't something is seriously wrong

category12 · 11/03/2023 09:11

If the money was a "wedding gift", it was half yours.

If he's depressed, what is he doing about it?

Rewis · 11/03/2023 09:13

Have you had a conversation?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 11/03/2023 09:13

Online gambling.

Leave him ASAP or he'll drag you down. Also tell his father the money has been squandered.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/03/2023 09:14

Step away- he won’t magically get better sorry to be blunt. the 10k will soon go

SkyandSurf · 11/03/2023 09:24

Have you asked him where the money has gone? That's an extraordinary amount to burn through sitting at home on TikTok.

What has it been spent on?

Is he in treatment for his depression?

Beaverbridge · 11/03/2023 16:50

Wtf?. He, s at it.

Lostmummy5 · 14/03/2023 22:37

Very interesting. I'm pretty sure he won't tell the truth for his father... He'll say it was spent "for family needs" or any other shit....

Angelrods · 17/03/2023 23:15

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Opentooffers · 18/03/2023 01:31

He might say to you its tik tok he spends his time on, but I think online gambling is more likely.

Poppyblush · 18/03/2023 05:49

Leave him

Angelou79 · 18/03/2023 06:13

If he is not working why are you only part time? Are you not able to work full time if he is ill? Spending that much money though is out of order.

Winter2020 · 18/03/2023 07:22

The parent that gave him the (life changing amount) of money would be gutted to know he has used it to quit his job and spend all day on his phone.

I would tell him to look for a job or I am off. He may suffer with some level of depression but he managed to work until he was given 75k I assume? Sitting around is doing him no good at all. He can see his GP to get medication if he needs to but I think his wellbeing will improve a lot if he gets a job.

If he is not willing to change leave him. Raise the issue of the 75k gift in any divorce settlement (he might be able to fund the money from elsewhere if he has spent it).

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