Completely confused by what's normal regarding contact from friend who is in a LTR

[buthowdoyouknow]

My friend who I work with texts me every night and sometimes before work.
I'm recently single.
Texts range from work chat to idle chat to sending inappropriate reels of funny/sexy/ innuendo type of thing.
These texts have increased since I've become single so I've reduced contact a little as it feels like he wants his ego stroking .
He doesn't mention his partner of several years and he has only ever introduced her to me once.
They live together.
He has discussed their relationship in depth in the past but as previously said, doesn't mention her anymore.
So am I correct? Is he looking for an ego rub or is he lonely or just enjoying the banter.
I've no sexual interest in him. In fact I find I'm trying to distance myself at work as he will often pop into my office and sit himself at the edge of my desk for a chat.
Or perhaps he feels he can be friendlier or make more contact given that my relationship is over? Odd one ?

He wants to shag you OP, ot possibly get you to express feelings for him for an ego-thrill.

If you’re used to faithful relationships it’s easy to fall into the error of assuming that everyone is faithful. But many men (and quite a few women) think absolutely nothing of shagging a work colleague while in a LTR. I’ve had many close friendships with male colleagues at various jobs and (with one exception) it always ended with them groping or attemping to kiss me, despite they and me being married. I don’t bother being friends with men anymore.

I’d start ignoring most of the messages or just send the occasional emoji response like 🤣 or “sorry bit busy catch up monday”. He will then either call you on it “Why you so quiet” or start sending work related messages so he’s harder to ignore. But all you need is for him to realise no sex is on the horizon here and he’ll eventually stop it and move on to his next target.

I tend to block coupled blokes who get back in touch after a long time.
These days I assume they seek a shag or ego boost.

But you see him at work, so more awkward.

He's trying to groom you into having sex with him.

I would have expected a friend of years to try it on years previously rather then wait for over a decade and in a relationship to develop feelings.
I've no interest. He knows that.

Which is why it's been so hard for me to see the wood for the trees so to speak.

Anyway I spent a large part of
My coffee break what his plans were for himself and gf this weekend after he walked up to me, put his hand on my lower back as he spoke to me.
I thought nothing of this before now only an affectionate and demonstrative friend.
He was actually a bit stuttery and red so you were right all along.
At least I know to all but delete him on the phone from now on.
I see him in a different light for sure.

Since you can't get rid of him, play his game. Text him that you see him as a work colleague only and block his number. Keep this text. Only talk about work. He won't take the hint so turn the conversation round to his girlfriend, using her name frequently. Make it public knowledge you don't fancy him. Make jokes about his attentions to other colleagues. Express your sympathy for the long suffering gf. Give it a fortnight and have a chat with HR making sure your concerns are written up. Use terms like "unprofessional". If this is too subtle inform him via work email that if he does not desist then you will make a complaint ccing both your managers.

This should cool his ardour. While he's chasing you he's been exaggerating his success behind your back. Put the record straight but gently. This is for your sake. Incrementally ramp up your efforts and put something on your desk so he can't sit on it. If a pot plant use carpet tape so it can't be moved. Record everything. Do not, under any circumstances, confuse attention for affection. He has zero respect or feelings for you. If you must, invent a boyfriend, preferably a MMA cage fighter who's really protective. Everyone will see through it but equally they'll understand that you're sending out an unequivocal no.

Well-played, OP. Keep mentioning his GF and he should back off soon enough. It’s bad that he’s handling you. This guy is not your friend.

Hi OP...is it a personal phone or a work phone? If it's a personal phone then the next time he texts about work, ask him to put it in an email and just say you'd like to keep work/business on work channels. And then basically don't reply to anything else.

A person who's in a LTR should not be sending inappropriate/rude reels to a single person. There's the line right there.

Well done! Keep on making him stutter.

Hand on lower back though - urgh. A firm 'please don't touch me' and awkward silence will hopefully put a stop to that. Or you could roll out the gf questions again the moment he does it.