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Original poster

Opinions on my 'friend' just need a rant

39 replies

hannah345 · 09/03/2023 09:13

Hey. So I'd like a little bit of advice on how I deal with this situation because I'm angry and don't want to say something I'll regret.

I've been friends with this girl for about 3 years, our friendship has been very one-sided. It's always me texting first, me offering for play dates with kids, me inviting her over etc. She's always hinted to me to take her kids to school, sometimes asking directly. Etc etc. I might add she was also a neighbour

So we've both now moved, but are both neighbours again (moved together to the same area, not planned)

And again, one-sided. And again asking me constantly to take her kids to school. She's had weeks and weeks off work but never invited me over or anything.
Even when one of my kids was ill, and I had to take the other to school she wouldn't EVER offer to take mine.

So the past few weeks 3/4 weeks, I've gotten closer to a different neighbour, and this is where stuff started to get weird with my 'friend' she stopped walking with us to school, stopped replying or would reply bluntly etc. Ignore me in the school playground and pretend she didn't see me or pretend she didn't hear my children calling her etc...

My friend messaged me last week or so ago basically asking where she stands as apparently, I've been off with her. So I apologise and said I don't mean to be etc. That was fine, the next day I get a shitty text message saying she was tired of the shit, I'm pushing her away etc so I tell her that I'm currently going through a miscarriage and I'm finding things hard so I'm sorry for being off. She then turns the whole thing around on her by saying oh why didn't you tell me she's offended I didn't tell her blah blah blah. Then she doesn't message me for about 5 days, and when she does it's more shit saying I'm pissing her off for being distant etc. So I've been polite and have tried to keep the peace.

But here's where I need help, I feel she wasn't there for me when I opened up to her about the miscarriage, if anything she started 3 arguments which weren't needed, she never texted to see how I was, or anything like that and the past week she's been putting shitty status's up on FB aimed at me about how shit our friendship is and all this crap. I haven't heard from her for nearly a week and I'm just so done with the drama.

I opened up to her and told her I have lost the baby I'd been trying for, for ages and she didn't care! I know it's jealousy as I've become close to someone else but f##k me, she needs to chill with the self-pity and the crappy memes and statuses she's posting!

I want to tell her outright but at the same time, since losing my baby it's made me open my eyes to who's truly there for me, and a genuine friend!

Am I in the wrong for feeling like I cba with this so-called friend?

OP posts:
Blueberrywitch · 09/03/2023 09:16

so to summarise, she’s always asking you for favours but never helps you, she never reaches out to organise anything with you socially, then the moment you have a new friend she becomes even colder and hasn’t been at all supportive of you with a miscarriage?

Similar to dating men, it’s OK to realise that someone isn’t “friendship” material for you. This woman certainly doesn’t seem like she’s given you much of a friendship to even bother salvaging, even before all the current drama?

maddy68 · 09/03/2023 09:21

Just be polite when you see her but that's it. She isn't a friend and is jealous of your other friends

Onemyownhere · 09/03/2023 09:23

Firstly i want to just comment that my deepest condolences to u for going through a misscarrige. I can only go by my experience in friendships i have had in my past, i am the type of person that doesn't suggest or ask anything to people, they are the ones that always suggest things and if i can i will tag along or help them... I can't imagine what u are going through as i have never experienced a misscarrige, i am not making up excuses but maybe she feels hurt that u didn't open up to her about it and that she feels like u arw replacing her by getting close to someone else. I can totally understand why because it works both ways but some people they would rather u open up to them and suggest things rather them ask about it as they might feel that they are being intrusive... I am sending u prayers and healing, all u can do now is focus on healing and urself atm... Maybe tell her that and if she is a true friend she will understand if not then just remove her out ur life...

coffeeisthebest · 09/03/2023 09:26

She sounds needy and has been using you. I am so sorry for your miscarriage OP, I hope you have other support elsewhere. I would give her a wide berth unless you like the drama too.

threeplusmum · 09/03/2023 09:30

That isn't even a friend. I'd cut her off completely.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 09/03/2023 09:32

So your neighbour has been a twat to you for 3 years, & instead of ditching her, you have allowed her to stay in your orbit & continue to upset you?

Just tell her.
Stop apologising when she accuses you of distancing yourself, & let her know you've had enough of her arguments & one-way street view of friendship.

Cleotolstoy · 09/03/2023 09:37

As you live so close your best option is to kill her with blandness. Become a grey rock. Don't share anything, don't initiate, dont attempt any honest conversations. Just act confused. Imagine you don't really know her and act like that, a neighbour. Don't be drawn into explaining or justifying. You owe her nothing. She will get bored when she can't get a fire going with you.

Onemyownhere · 09/03/2023 09:37

Btw u are not in the wrong for thinking u cba with this so called friend because u have already told u are going through a miscarriage and she still didn't seem to care, so i would just cut her off and be civil with her E.g hi when u see her... U shouldn't have to feel this way when u are already going through a lot. I hope u have support and are not alone... Praying for ur healing, u got this strong mama

LadyJ2023 · 09/03/2023 09:46

Sorry you had a miscarriage thoughts are with you and as regards the friend?? That's no friend so keep your distance

OngoingCrisis · 09/03/2023 09:53

Hi op, sorry for your loss 💕

In this situation I'd find it hard to have someone who's meant to be my friend, texting me that I'm "pissing them off" and not say anything back. This "friend" is an inconsiderate user. How do you benefit from this? I'd have to tell her straight "this friendship has been one sided and everything is on your terms. I clearly need support right now but it's obvious you do not value me or this friendship" and then I'd just not make anymore contact.

ShakespearesBlister · 09/03/2023 09:59

Sounds like you missed an opportunity. You could have told her how used you feel and been rid of her but you didn't and now you still feel used and can't get rid of her?

Original poster
hannah345 · 09/03/2023 10:14

Thank you for all your support. Means alot.

I just want to add, I'm quite nice person, too nice and give people way to many chances I suppose. I've tried to keep the peace over the years as my kids play with her kids. But since all of this, she's now told her kids not to play with mine and she will walk her 5-year-old, past my 4-year-old so they can't talk. I've spoken to my other half about it and I want to keep the peace so my kids don't get hurt in this. But in the same breath, I can't keep the peace all the time. Just don't like the drama nor do I want my children upset in this. She's a full-grown woman and shouldn't be acting this immature.

In regard to my miscarriage. I didn't tell her because she had one years and years ago and I didn't want to bring up the hurt she went through, I only ended up telling her because she was on and on at me at how I'm pissing her off and asking where she stands etc. .

I do thankfully have a good support network around me, so I really appreciate all your kindness and wishes x

OP posts:
Cleotolstoy · 09/03/2023 10:17

If she's got you in knots about the fact that you didn't tell her something she's abusive. It's not normal to guilt someone for boundaries that are reasonable and healthy.

Identifyingasadolphin · 09/03/2023 10:20

When you moved house, did she then follow you to move there too?….

Original poster
hannah345 · 09/03/2023 10:22

@Identifyingasadolphin in a nut shell - yes. But not to that extreme.

OP posts:
PollyAmour · 09/03/2023 10:26

I’m so sorry about your pregnancy loss. Please distance yourself from this friend while you grieve and heal.

Redannie118 · 09/03/2023 10:36

I had a friend exactly like this. Final straw was when my dad died and then 3 weeks later i found out I had breast cancer during lockdown. She knew all this, lived across the road and I never even got a text message.

She went radio silence for about 4 months then I got a huge rant about how she had just had surgery and I was a total bitch for not getting in touch and offering to help !!! When I asked where she had been when my dad had died or I had cancer surgery, She replied "Typical, Its always got to be all about you !!"

This made me realise she was a total narcissist and never ever gave a toss about me, and I blocked her. Your friend has done exactly the same, only a narcissist could hear devastating news like yours and make it about herself. You need to cut all contact for your own and your childrens sake.

Original poster
hannah345 · 09/03/2023 10:40

@Redannie118 I am so so sorry to hear that! I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you had such a shitty friend 😔 are you okay? X

OP posts:
tootiredtoocare · 09/03/2023 10:46

I'm so sorry for your loss. If you were describing a man in a romantic relationship the advice would be run. Fast and far. But this is a platonic friendship with a female. Run. Fast and far. Possessiveness and jealousy are never healthy.

Imogensmumma · 09/03/2023 10:56

Not a good friend at all!

I couldn’t help myself I’d be saying friendship is a two way street not just me helping and supporting you.

Hide or block on Facebook she’s abused your friendship and now like a tainted lover is having a hissy fit as you are moving on. You don’t need that toxicity in your life

SmileyClare · 09/03/2023 10:57

I’m sorry about your miscarriage Flowers

I think your friend’s reaction confirms everything- she’s not capable of being a friend for whatever reason.
Perhaps some sort of personality disorder? She’s certainly very manipulative and self serving.

it’s not you, it’s her. This is not your fault x

A word of warning- distance yourself carefully. People like this can turn very nasty and reactive if they feel rejected. Do not get into any sort of online dispute with her.

id advise blocking her social media and trying to distance yourself, no need for long explanations or “calling her out” it won’t help.

So sorry you’re having a hard time. Pleased to hear you have friends and family that can support you. Confide in them xx

ponyinmud · 09/03/2023 11:03

Just fade her out, I see absolutely no reason to try and maintain a 'friendship' with this woman.

She sounds like one of my sisters, wish I could fade her out, so count your blessings your not stuck with this horrible person forever!

ItsShiela · 09/03/2023 11:13

You know what I would do? Seriously, I would re-post your OP as a facebook status. Sit back, and watch your family and true friends come to your aid in the comments, back you up and say you deserve better etc and she will read them being supportive of you, and sit and stew! And what comeback would she have? Would she reply to your status in the comments? She'd only call herself out as the CFer.

Do it!!! Put your OP as your Facebook status. Do it now!

Onemyownhere · 09/03/2023 11:17

ItsShiela · 09/03/2023 11:13

You know what I would do? Seriously, I would re-post your OP as a facebook status. Sit back, and watch your family and true friends come to your aid in the comments, back you up and say you deserve better etc and she will read them being supportive of you, and sit and stew! And what comeback would she have? Would she reply to your status in the comments? She'd only call herself out as the CFer.

Do it!!! Put your OP as your Facebook status. Do it now!

Imo thats just going to cause more unnecessary drama

strawberry2017 · 09/03/2023 11:26

If a friendship is negative, and doesn't bring anything positive to your life then it's not worth having. X