Opinions on my 'friend' just need a rant

[hannah345]

Hey. So I'd like a little bit of advice on how I deal with this situation because I'm angry and don't want to say something I'll regret.

I've been friends with this girl for about 3 years, our friendship has been very one-sided. It's always me texting first, me offering for play dates with kids, me inviting her over etc. She's always hinted to me to take her kids to school, sometimes asking directly. Etc etc. I might add she was also a neighbour

So we've both now moved, but are both neighbours again (moved together to the same area, not planned)

And again, one-sided. And again asking me constantly to take her kids to school. She's had weeks and weeks off work but never invited me over or anything.
Even when one of my kids was ill, and I had to take the other to school she wouldn't EVER offer to take mine.

So the past few weeks 3/4 weeks, I've gotten closer to a different neighbour, and this is where stuff started to get weird with my 'friend' she stopped walking with us to school, stopped replying or would reply bluntly etc. Ignore me in the school playground and pretend she didn't see me or pretend she didn't hear my children calling her etc...

My friend messaged me last week or so ago basically asking where she stands as apparently, I've been off with her. So I apologise and said I don't mean to be etc. That was fine, the next day I get a shitty text message saying she was tired of the shit, I'm pushing her away etc so I tell her that I'm currently going through a miscarriage and I'm finding things hard so I'm sorry for being off. She then turns the whole thing around on her by saying oh why didn't you tell me she's offended I didn't tell her blah blah blah. Then she doesn't message me for about 5 days, and when she does it's more shit saying I'm pissing her off for being distant etc. So I've been polite and have tried to keep the peace.

But here's where I need help, I feel she wasn't there for me when I opened up to her about the miscarriage, if anything she started 3 arguments which weren't needed, she never texted to see how I was, or anything like that and the past week she's been putting shitty status's up on FB aimed at me about how shit our friendship is and all this crap. I haven't heard from her for nearly a week and I'm just so done with the drama.

I opened up to her and told her I have lost the baby I'd been trying for, for ages and she didn't care! I know it's jealousy as I've become close to someone else but f##k me, she needs to chill with the self-pity and the crappy memes and statuses she's posting!

I want to tell her outright but at the same time, since losing my baby it's made me open my eyes to who's truly there for me, and a genuine friend!

Am I in the wrong for feeling like I cba with this so-called friend?

Why is it that the OP is the one who should avoid drama, but her CF friend does it anyway? And anyway, who cares if it causes more 'unnecessary drama'? Who cares? Why should the OP care? CF certainly doesn't. The OP has the right to defend herself, and to make her friend see how wrong she is.

So sorry for your loss. As others have said she is not a friend, I can't imagine sharing something so personal with someone for them to start an argument. A friend would be there for you and make sure you're ok, not start ranting at you.

I personally would be backing off. I would be civil, say hello in the playground and in passing but not do anymore favours and ignore those ridiculous messages, she is just trying to get under your skin. Take care of yourself @hannah345

I can see you’re well intentioned in your advice! and it’s tempting to call out behaviour like this.
in op’s case, not worth starting a war, dragging others into it and forcing people to take sides.
A narcissistic type person like this can get very nasty when they feel rejected or criticised.

Lets remember their children are in the same classes at school together.

I’m not saying stay “friends” .
I agree with pps; back away slowly and quietly from this one x

Firstly - I'm so sorry about your miscarriage. Sending you strength to get through the coming days.

Next - I would put this person firmly in the acquaintance column. She is not a friend in the truest sense of that word. She turns things around to be about her when they are clearly nothing to do with her.

Lastly - I would use the advice that was suggested by @Cleotolstoy. Give her the least amount of information you can get away with. Play dumb when she pushes for more information. Grey Rock all the way here. She deserves nothing more than that.

If pushed for an explanation, I'd simply say that you feel that the friendship has run its course and it's probably better if you both move on with your lives, separately.

Best of luck to you.

Honestly, I’d tell her to pull her head out of her arse, stop being so manipulative and just bloody grow up. What a jerk! You need new friends not her in your life!

I know it might not feel it to you, but this is really straightforward.

She isn't your friend. Your feelings are completely understandable. You don't owe her anything. You would be better off cutting all communication with her. Don't feel bad, she was never your friend in the first place.

Pressed Post too soon...

You started being friendly with someone else. Your ex 'friend' got jealous (because she thinks you exist to service her and be there when she needs you, and you shouldn't have friends and support of your own). She acted like a jealous 7 year old. She then tried to talk to you (by accusing you of ignoring her). You apologised (you shouldn't have, you did nothing wrong). She then managed to turn your miscarriage in to being about her, and you should have felt bad about not telling her!! She is vile. Utterly self-centred and without any empathy for you.

Please don't let this toxic person spoil your new friendship. Don't give her headroom. Maybe confide in your new friend, confidentially, what's happened, so she's prepared if old 'friend' tries to stir things up between you (her type often do). Then forget about her and enjoy your new friendship.

She's not now nor does it sound like she ever was a friend. You've been far too apologetic when you have no reason to. If she rants via text then I'd just block her. If she sees you and asks why just say you don't need such negativity in your life.

Ditch her and never look back!
Asking her kids not to talk to your kids and then parading them past and not allowing them to speak???? RED FLAG!!
Get rid!!!!

She isn't a Friend she's a neighbour not quite the same . It's none of her business who you choose to spend your time with . Just be civil as you would with any neighbour that's it . As to school runs etc only agree to recipricol arrangements.

So sorry for your loss xx

I just wanted to thank you all for all your support and kind words. Means alot.

I have distanced myself now for over a week. I have too much personal stuff going on to even bite back to the comments or Facebook posts she keeps putting up!

Once again, thank you all xx

Delete her from facebook. Job done

I think you’re doing the right thing @hannah345 Take care of yourself and don’t read her SM posts, and certainly don’t take them personally

Some people are just a real let down eh? Its baffling really. So disappointing when you realise but concentrate on the friends and family in your life that care. x

Well done for stepping back.

I mean this very kindly, but I hope you can see you were very much part of your own problem.

Healthy friendships have balance.

Your relationship was you giving and her taking.

These relationships never end well.

Learn from this.

When you get to know someone and the first sign that they are a taker, step back.

Balance is very important.

Does that mean you can't be supportive of a friend?

Of course not.

But if someone you are just getting to know is imposing on you, asking for favours too quickly, then this is the sign of a user.

Users are ten a penny.

Users find it very easy to ask for favours.

Clever people see this and avoid them firmly.

Stop trying to keep the peace, it only causes a war inside you!

Your children can hang with other friends.

Wishing you well.