Partners actions were last straw - what to do now

[Inamess28]

First time poster so please excuse if I get it wrong

Have been in relationship with partner for over 20 years and we have two children.
He is a difficult character at times. Quick to anger and vicious with his words.

Partner has become slightly obsessed with cars parking opposite our house - won’t go into details as they don’t really matter.

Anyway his annoyance is focused on one individual in particular and this evening after having been to pub, I witnessed him key the individual’s car. I was shocked and appalled and went straight out to challenge him. He ignored me and went up to bedroom.

I took kids and went to stay with my parents. It felt like enough is enough. Regardless of this incident he is not nice to me. Today he texted me to say die please die after going into a rage about something inconsequential.

I feel sick that he has done this and didn’t consider the consequences. Even though I didn’t do it, I feel responsible and anxious about what will happen in the morning.

Now we’re at my mums I don’t know what to do next.

what do others think?

He sounds seriously unwell and you and the kids need to keep a safe distance from him. He's got problems that you should not have to deal with or be subjected to.

I would stay with DM for the foreseeable future if I were you.

I would report the ‘die die etc’ msg to the police and ask them to escort you to the house if you need to collect anything. Get some sort of protective order filed.

Don’t answer the door to this man if he calls at DM’s. Get security camera fitted there if not already.

Don’t speak to the neighbour directly about their car. Hopefully they can sort it via insurance. Maybe you have to mention it to the police for reason behind you leaving, and the ‘die’ text, but first priority is safety for you and DC.

I hope this is a start for a happier life for you. X

@MrsTerryPratchett
No woman or man should ever stay in a situation where they feel threatened .

The description of the obsession with cars parking and signaling out a particular person was presented as new behavior and was suggestive of possible paranoid ideation. Hence the suggestion that he might need to see a physician or therapist. Even the statement of "die"
or" you should die" while troubling is not a direct threat.

For the record, I agree that the woman should distance herself and her children from this man. His past verbage has made her life uncomfortable for many years.

None of that, however, changes the fact that this man ,at this time, probably needs to see a physician or therapist.

I am not attempting to imply that the woman has any responsibility to or for this man, but if she feels that she has been threatened or that he poses a possible threat to the himself or any one else , she should report it to the authorities.

I agree that women are more often the victims of partner or spousal abuse, and all too often choose to remain in those relationships. It may be because of guilt,fear of having the ability to assume financial responsibility for self and children, fear of being alone,etc. All of these reasons and more may cause women to stay when theey should leave, but none of those factors negate the possibility that at this time the spouse may be in need of treatment.

Societal expectations, statistics, and gender profiling aside, in this particular situation the woman should leave and the man should be seen by a physician or therapist.

I won't post again because I have no more thoughts on the subject.

Forget about the car. It's not life changing. Just get away from this abusive horrible man. You really don't need to anger him more by reporting it. It's just a piece of metal and your safety and kids safety are far more important.

Definitely. Forget the car incident.

None of that, however, changes the fact that this man ,at this time, probably needs to see a physician or therapist.

And if the OP was him, it would be worth saying that. But since the OP is the victim of this, what reason could you have for mentioning it? It's very clearly because you believe she should have doubts. About fault, about leaving, about her role. IDK which but you want her to have them. Otherwise there is no reason to mention MH.