DS and DP butting heads, ExH calling us names to DS.

[Triggle]

DS (12) and DP (together 9 years) fell out this morning. DS wanted to bring his skateboard into the house as it was covered in snow and wet. DP told him to put it in the bike shed. DS ignored him and brought it inside anyway and put it on the mat dripping with snow and water. DP got annoyed that DS wasn’t listening to him, DS got stroppy, DP told him he’d break the thing if DS brought it back into the house and to put it in the bike shed. I gave DS a towel to dry it and he put it in the bike shed.

DS then messaged his father to say DP had threatened to break his skateboard. ExH called DP a dick and a bully and told DS to ignore him and take it back into the house and said I should have had his back. He also told DS I was a ‘knob’ last week because I hadn’t let him go out at night with some boys I didn’t know and said that he’d take the parental controls off that I’d activated on DS’s phone.

Exh often calls DP names to DS and although DP shouldn’t have said what he did today the whole situation feels like a vicious cycle. DS being rude to DP, DP getting annoyed then ExH calling both of us names to DS.

That's right Shiela, it's REALLY important that OP picks a man to side with against her child.

The option to tell both men to do one, & protect her child from 2 godawful bullies must not be considered.

FFS the kid's gone from living with his volatile & abusive father, to living with another tiny domestic tyrant who threatens to break his stuff then goes on a full-blown rant at his mother because he can't control himself.

Telling his dad the facts of the matter is not being manipulative.
He's crying out for fair treatment & solid parenting, & none of the 3 parent figures seem to be giving it to him. Sorry OP, but it sounds like you are being abused all over again: same shit, different flavour, so are unable to either stick up for your lad or tell your DP to piss off until he's calmed down.

There is no evidence her partner is a bully. However on OP's posts, her son is clearly playing both parents off each other.

Have you truly not heard of the concept of children playing their parents off each other? It is ever so clearly happening in this instance if you read the OP's posts.

Are you for real? What are you reading, to come up with this nonsense? There is zero evidence the OP's partner is a 'domestic tyrant' (btw threatening to bin/throw out/destroy is something all parents including mothers do, so you are way over reacting with that hyperbole outrage).

He may be telling his dad the 'facts', however his dad should be backing up his mother and partner in parenting, and not using this to play 'good cop' disney dad to manipulate the son's affections. Parenting requires being a united team. The father and son are attempting to cause trouble between OP and her partner. Anyone who reads the posts can see that's what's happening here. The father choosing to use the boys parent wedging to his own benefit instead of telling his son to stop telling tales, to respect his mum and do as he's told, doesn't make OP's long-suffering partner (who I sense is at the end of his tether being abused, name-called and manipulated and made to look like an 'evil stepfather) a 'tyrant'. Any child would play you like a harp.

@ItsShiela
Excellent post

If you don't think this is bullying -
I plucked up the courage to tell DP he was unacceptable to threaten to break DS’s things last night. He raised his voice and ranted at me,
there's little point engaging with you.

The son is behaving like a normal 12 year old.
No need to paint him as the villain of the piece - there are 2 grown men firmly in the frame for that.

Why are you so intent on defending the DP here?

The father is a cock who is using parental alienation against OP.
The DP is a cock who rants at her in her own home & expects total obedience from a child.

Children don't play me like a harp btw, what an oddly overblown phrase, & I have never had to threaten to break their stuff in order to have cordial & respectful relationships with all the kids in my life. Possibly because I don't kneejerk my way around them looking to call them manipulative little shits who need to do as they are told instantly, or have their property broken.

There is no evidence her partner is a bully.

Do you think it's normal for a partner to raise their voice and 'rant' at you? Because that's how OP's partner reacted after she 'plucked up the courage' to talk to him and say she wasn't comfortable with him threatening to break her son's belongings.

If that's remotely normal to you then you don't have a healthy view of relationship dynamics at all.

This is to @ItsShiela obviously.