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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think I’m falling in love

62 replies

Crochetandsketch · 08/03/2023 20:59

I’m separated, 40s,waiting for divorce to finalise. I’ve been seeing someone for about 7 months. We probably only get to meet up once a fortnight but frequently text each other. Nobody else knows as I’m not quite divorced and I don’t want my kids finding out. I’ve brooched the “where is this going” subject with him a couple of times. The first time, just before Christmas, he said he was happy to carry on as we are as he’s super busy etc at work. Last week he booked us an overnight stay in a hotel with dinner and drinks and it was so lovely. But again he’s said we’re just two people who enjoy each others company. We are sleeping together and he does thoughtful little things like he invited me for tea at his on my way home from work yesterday.

I think I’m falling in love with him. I feel like he cares about me too, he’s lovely and very kind and generous towards me. I’m fairly confident though that if I tell him I will scare him off. He’s never been married and although he’s had previous relationships, I don’t think any of them have lasted very long. He has an 8 year old son who is friends with my son.

I suppose I’m not really asking for advice. I just need an outlet as I don’t think I can use the L word with him and to be honest I do not want to scare him off as I really enjoy our time together and am not willing to risk ending that just yet. It all just feels somewhat frustrating, but lovely at the same time.

OP posts:
MumOf2workOptions · 10/03/2023 10:39

@Leopardlives

When I say "sometimes" they get together I mean maybe once a month if they all go the cinema or maybe a picnic in the summer it's not a regular thing

MumOf2workOptions · 10/03/2023 10:44

I mean i would want more than someone who basically wanted to sleep with me every other weekend and a randome night in the week if the kids were at their dads which they do alternate weeks if it isn't his weekend so every other weekend and a Wednesday night

But some people would be ok with this everyone is different but my friend is struggling with it sadly

Leopardlives · 10/03/2023 10:53

I think it depends on what he’s saying and on if he’s emotional support or not, and it doesn’t sound like he’s saying nice things

Thisisworsethananticpated · 10/03/2023 12:01

MumOf2workOptions

well In that case he will probably break her heart

he’s offering what he can and will

she not unreasonably wants more
🤷‍♀️

that said blended family …. Jesus
is she on glue 😂

MumOf2workOptions · 10/03/2023 15:24

Thisisworsethananticpated · 10/03/2023 12:01

MumOf2workOptions

well In that case he will probably break her heart

he’s offering what he can and will

she not unreasonably wants more
🤷‍♀️

that said blended family …. Jesus
is she on glue 😂

Yes I agree

And nope not on glue 😂 but I agree 6 kids under 7 in one house no thanks!

WidthofaLine · 10/03/2023 17:34

Always chasing a dream.

I couldn't live like that.

It's like being in prison waiting for parole.

Isuppose · 10/03/2023 17:43

Watchkeys · 10/03/2023 08:54

Your relationship is already unhealthy because instead of believing what he tells you about how he feels, you are consulting strangers, and seeing his very clear words as a puzzle.

Don't let this progress. You're confused by him and he's not even being confusing. It's not good for you.

This is really good advice. Please read it.

Original poster
Crochetandsketch · 09/06/2023 18:12

So it’s ended, a few weeks ago.
i asked if I could ring and talk to him about “us” and he said he’d prefer to text on that particular day as he’d had an awful day.
I lost my temper a bit with him and said I felt I wasn’t important and perhaps we should end things. He didn’t disagree. I also said I was really disappointed they way things had worked out and he said that makes 2 of us.
So that’s it, all ended.
I do miss him but am doing no contact and have managed so far, so resist the urge (even though at times I’ve been desperate to reach out)

OP posts:
solice84 · 09/06/2023 18:54

@Crochetandsketch sorry op
I've also just ended it with someone as I knew I was falling for them but could tell they weren't on the same page
I've deleted his contact details so I don't act on the urge to contact

Oopsiedaisyy · 09/06/2023 19:18

"again he’s said we’re just two people who enjoy each others company."

He was telling you exactly what he saw it as

Not surprised by your update, but the truth has set you free.

TheCheeseTray · 09/06/2023 19:20

Puppers · 08/03/2023 21:13

I think this has disaster written all over it. If he was going to fall in love with you or want a real relationship, 7 months is long enough for that to happen. I very much doubt you'll ever get anything more from this man, and given you have stronger feelings than he does it's very likely therefore that you will end up getting hurt.

I'd cut my losses and find someone who's emotionally available.

This. He is not committed and I’m afraid rather than being equal or doing some leg work to make a mutual balanced relationship - he is showing you his real self and you are loving it! Please find someone else

Melody99 · 11/06/2023 21:47

Absolutely scared of getting hurt.
I’ve been in a relationship for 8 months and I love him and he has said he loves me but I am so scared I’m going to get things wrong, or scared he doesn’t like me or scared it won’t work out - and I can feel it’s changing the dynamic of the relationship - I hate this fear I feel

anyone felt like this?

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