Hi
I've posted before about my partner. In short we've been together since I was a teenager and I'm not 30. We have 2 young children and we used to be very happy but he's an alcoholic. He doesn't think he is because he doesn't drink from the minute he gets up but he pours himself a vodka and coke as soon as he gets in from work (4pm) and drinks around half a bottle most nights especially at the weekend. I've told him I'm leaving multiple times but never follow through. All he does is sleep and drink. We have no relationship because of this but everything is always my fault. We have no money either because of what he's spending it on and I'm just so unhappy. I had the wheels in motion around 2 months ago to leave but like always I backed out because he gave me the usual sob story and that he'll change but he hasn't.
I know in my heart I'll be happier on my own with my two babies but I'm trapped because there are no houses available for rent in our area and I know council housing lists in our area basically mean you'll be waiting years. I can't afford to stay in our home nor do I want to do he'd have to buy me out.
Thing is I just can't let go. I go round in this endless loop of knowing I want to leave but then he comes home and I tell myself it might get better and maybe it's better for the kids to stay because they obviously love their dad and maybe I'm making something out of nothing. I'm pathetic really aren't I! We never have sex either because I don't want. I have no interest. He then accuses me of cheating..
Has anyone else been in this position? How did you do it? How did you make that final decision? Especially when you've been together over a decade?
I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm so unhappy, I'm so low. I don't know what to do. If it wasn't for my kids keeping me going I don't know if I'd still be here to be honest because my mind just going round in circles over and over.
Any advice would be appreciated but please be kind.
Thank you for taking the time to read this xx