New relationship anxiety

[Notaboutthebass]

New relationship and we've both expressed to each other how happy we're feeling, the chemistry is amazing. For the first time I've seen no red flags yet and so far he makes me feel really good about myself.

But why am I so anxious about it all? I so want to to work out. I always feel like this at the start. Any advice please?

Maybe because my period is due?!
Is it best to talk to a new man about feeling anxious? Really don't want to come across as needy!

Thanks!

@NomadicSpirit That's great you're still happy with your man.😍
@WhiteChocMocha thank you so much for this, I've had a little read and it's really interesting, it's so kind of you. Are you still with that man? I am definitely going to enjoy things, I feel so much better today.

@Notaboutthebass it's strange, I'd never experienced relationship anxiety before but when I read this, it all clicked. And I started really enjoying it as opposed to worrying. Hormones probably at play too.
And yes I am, and it's magic. So great when you find a person you really enjoy being with and it works out 😍
Wish you the best of luck, sounds like a relationship really worth being in.

You say you're worrying about it "going tits up". Really the only thing that can happen is that he turns out to be not the person you thought/ hoped he was.

There's two remedies for this:

1. Try only to base your views of him on his actions and things you actually know about him, and not build up this idea of him as the perfect relationship that is waiting to be fucked up.

1. If he does suddenly ghost you or behave badly, then yes you're sad but you realise that he's not the person you wanted him to be, so while you grieve the relationship you wanted, you don't actually feel the lack of him.

@WhiteChocMocha that's really good that you started to enjoy things, I absolutely am doing, feel so much better today. I can see so much more potential in this man, makes such a change.
Lovely you're still with him, a lovely story.

@Besttobe8001 yes that's what I'm now doing and will stop over thinking. I'm a tough cookie, so if it doesn't work out I'm be fine.

Thanks.

Have a read up on attachment theory. Maybe your naturally anxious in a relationship at first because your scared to show your true self??

And now I think I'm over thinking again. His messages are always really sweet, and the odd times we get a bit naughty, him more so. I was talking about him warming my hands up and he then starts talking about warming up my arse. And now I'm thinking he just wants me for sex!
I remembered what people said about talking on here and not with him.
I did call him a sexy beast early, but he's been quite naughty tonight! Am I being a prat?
Period definitely due!

I'm supposed to be seeing him tomorrow. Would it be pathetic to tell him that I'm feeling really premenstrual and to cancel?

Bluntly: Do what you want to do. Telling someone you're not coming because of xyz will be fine with some people and not with others. He needs to be happy with who you are and what you feel.

Why do you think it's pathetic to cancel a date due to pmt? Do you think you'd be the first? Or do you think all women who decide to stay in for that reason are pathetic? Or is it a different set of rules for you, where it means you're pathetic, but everyone else is 'looking after themselves'?

Thanks for the reply.
I just think that I might come across as a completely different person if I met with him today (butI don't know how I feel cause I've not woken up yet).
So far he's just seen me as a positive, happy person (he keeps pointing this out) and at this stage it might put him off. Although he comes across as an understanding type of bloke.
I don't think it would be pathetic but he will probably think he's upset me.

If you're not up to it and not feeling like yourself just explain that you're not feeling it today and it has nothing to do with him. Sometimes, you need time to yourself especially if you're not in the right space. You shouldn't force it. If it's forced it will feel forced. Although saying that conversely, sometimes when you make the effort to so something you don't eat to do before you know it you're enjoying yourself.

If you're going to have a relationship with this man he will have to understand that sometimes you need space. For whatever reason and that should be enough. Hope you're feeling more like yourself soon

Thank you @OneMoreCookieMonster x

Well, if that's your concern tell him he hasn't upset you. Why are you trying not to say what's real/what you think/what you feel? You're a nice person, and a compatible partner will be nice to you even if you don't present your perfect self every time, and even if you can't always come to meet them.

Who are you trying to be?

Well he's again shown what a lovely person he is. I said this morning that I wasn't feeling myself today and that I was unsure if I felt up to meeting, he understood and said to let him know later on if I felt up to it. As it happened I really wanted to see him so I did. He explained that he would always love to see me whether I was feeling great or not, and he wanted to do what he could to improve how I was feeling when I'm not ok.
I obviously need to just be myself, I'm human. He obviously cares about me as he shows it all the time. Going to stop my nerves getting the better of me and relax!
I can't really believe in my 40s I need a lesson in relationships!
Thank you for all the wise comments.

Hurrah for that man!!!

@Leopardlives 🖕he really seems genuine.

I meant it sincerely!

@Leopardlives thank you! Been a long time coming.

I thought you’d done a middle finger emoji 🤣

Enjoy him!

@Leopardlives Oh!! I think I did, I'm so so sorry whoops!
He also said that he really values my honesty and that it's really refreshing.