Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is strange yes?

49 replies

Tiredandfedup22 · 07/03/2023 09:35

Met a man via OLD.

Went on a few dates.

Stayed over once without dtd and he was all over me all night.

Following week stay over dtd and he never touches me again, not even a cuddle in bed.

He did kiss me goodbye, but to be honest, I found the lack of touching through the night and no morning sex really odd.

I half expected him to stay on bed whilst I left!

I very much doubt I will hear from him again.

Is this just the norm now?

Even if it had been a ONS i would have expected more than that, which makes me think there was a reason behind him not touching me. It just seemed so strange.

OP posts:
qwertykeyboards · 07/03/2023 09:37

He just wanted sex and he got what he wanted.

Original poster
Tiredandfedup22 · 07/03/2023 09:40

Well yes, I've gathered that 🤣

OP posts:
SallyWD · 07/03/2023 10:10

I've be er had that experience but I have heard that some men lose interest once they get what they want. I certainly don't think it's tye norm though! Most men will keep wanting to have sex!

Original poster
Tiredandfedup22 · 07/03/2023 10:15

I think that's what's confused me.

He could have had sex again that night or the next morning.

I think he ghosted me prematurely 🙈

OP posts:
RebelliousStarrChild · 07/03/2023 10:20

Not trying to be rude at all, but maybe he wasn't into the sex so didn't want to repeat it. It's not that strange really.

Original poster
Tiredandfedup22 · 07/03/2023 10:26

Yeah maybe that's true.

He definitely enjoyed it both times over the course of the evening though so who knows.

Will put it down to experience.

OP posts:
ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse · 07/03/2023 10:26

For some men it's solely the thrill of the chase. Don't start thinking this is because there's anything wrong with you.

Original poster
Tiredandfedup22 · 07/03/2023 10:32

It was my first venture into dating after a long marriage.

He actually had to persuade me to meet.

I'm sure that has only added to the thrill.

I have had some nice nights out of it and got back in the saddle so to speak.

Will stick with my original plan and go back to avoiding men.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 07/03/2023 10:44

How old is he, if you've come out of a long marriage?

Maybe he didn't have the stamina to go again, or maybe he's quite stuck in the idea of sex being a bedtime activity?

The lack of affection after he's got sex would put me off though.

winterbegone · 07/03/2023 10:46

It can be very confusing, when they are all over you one minute and gone the next. Unfortunately some men are like this but a few that are decent it's just taking the chance of finding them or stay single forever. Perhaps go into it with less expectations and if something comes of it then go from there.

Original poster
Tiredandfedup22 · 07/03/2023 10:50

He's early 40s.

Luckily I didn't really have many expectations from it and I wasn't looking for a relationship.

Still stings abit though.

Not the confidence boost I had hoped for, as I'm now wondering if I did something wrong to put him off, or my baby damaged body is as bad as I thought 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Alstothemarvshien · 07/03/2023 11:13

It's likely to be about him rather than about you.

Perhaps he's not over someone from his past.

RebelliousStarrChild · 07/03/2023 11:44

Didn't see you had sex twice. I doubt it was anything to do with you. If he just wanted sex he got that so was probably satisfied with how things went. If he isn't looking for a relationship then its possible he might feel that cuddling and morning sex would give the wrong impression.

nofluffsgiven · 07/03/2023 11:48

It does definitely seem like he only wanted sex and trying to immediately cool off to make it clear he's not interested in anything further. I don't know why he couldn't have just been honest with his intentions at the beginning though, there are plenty of people who are just up for casual hook ups.

Original poster
Tiredandfedup22 · 07/03/2023 12:05

Yeah that's what I don't get.

He was quite happy to cuddle up last time.

This is what makes me think there is something about me, or I've said or done something to immediate put him off.

We haven't even had a talk about what we're looking for as I was in no rush for full on relationship.

He knows I'm busy and it was just nice to spend abit of adult time with someone and be myself again.

OP posts:
RebelliousStarrChild · 07/03/2023 12:11

Tiredandfedup22 · 07/03/2023 12:05

Yeah that's what I don't get.

He was quite happy to cuddle up last time.

This is what makes me think there is something about me, or I've said or done something to immediate put him off.

We haven't even had a talk about what we're looking for as I was in no rush for full on relationship.

He knows I'm busy and it was just nice to spend abit of adult time with someone and be myself again.

He was happy to cuddle initially to show you that he has physical interest in you, once you had sex if he continued to cuddle up to you during the night and have morning sex it's likely the next step would have been that conversation of where its going and I assume that is a conversation he didn't want to have as he knows he only wanted sex.

JimnJoyce · 07/03/2023 12:26

op I had a very similar situation. Turned out his sex life with his ex was 3 times a year spread over a weekend every time and with multiple drugs used. He had no idea about and no desire to do anything different. Took me 6 weeks ti get the truth though

northernlight20 · 07/03/2023 12:33

JimnJoyce · 07/03/2023 12:26

op I had a very similar situation. Turned out his sex life with his ex was 3 times a year spread over a weekend every time and with multiple drugs used. He had no idea about and no desire to do anything different. Took me 6 weeks ti get the truth though

sounds grim, how old was he?

Ofcourseshecan · 07/03/2023 12:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

JimnJoyce · 07/03/2023 12:43

@northernlight20 he was 54 I was 52

Original poster
Tiredandfedup22 · 07/03/2023 12:47

He has actually just messaged me to see i got home OK.

I haven't opened it. Don't know what to say.

I didn't expect to come away this morning feeling, in all honesty, a bit used, which is rubbish really as we'd had a good night.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 07/03/2023 12:54

RebelliousStarrChild · 07/03/2023 12:11

He was happy to cuddle initially to show you that he has physical interest in you, once you had sex if he continued to cuddle up to you during the night and have morning sex it's likely the next step would have been that conversation of where its going and I assume that is a conversation he didn't want to have as he knows he only wanted sex.

Show quote history

This.

GreyCarpet · 07/03/2023 12:54

Oh, and if he didn't recoil in horror, there's nothing wrong with your body 😉

Ofcourseshecan · 07/03/2023 13:19

A disappointing experience, OP, but don’t let it shake your self-confidence. Some men do stop feeling physical after dtd. He may not even have realised his behaviour had changed. He’s probably wondering what went wrong, if you seemed unhappy after!

He’s sent a friendly message, and is showing some care for you, so why not give him another chance?

Bookworm20 · 07/03/2023 14:31

It does seem very odd, and like you say he could have had sex again in the morning.
He either just wanted the sex and now the chase if off, he decides he doesn't have to bother with the affection anymore. or could he possibly have got the impression from you that you hadn't enjoyed yourself as much as he had hoped, and backed off thinking he'd dissapointed?
The fact he has sent a message doesn't add with the he isn't interested in you part. But who knows. I've come to the conclusion some men have zero clue when it comes to women.