Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

How do I get my dad to stop talking to the OW?

48 replies

Tellytry · 07/03/2023 07:37

My parents are currently in the middle of divorcing, the marriage hasn’t been right for years. But the nail on the coffin was when my dad had an affair with one of my work colleagues. Not only that there is quite a big age gap between them, she is literally young enough to be his daughter. It’s quite uneasy. He says there is nothing going on between but it’s all a lie, as I have evidence to prove otherwise. He has also admitted it to me as well

There is also the fact that I feel like I’ve literally have been used and walked all over by my own dad and this OW. Even when I went to talk to my boss about what was happening she a grown woman went straight to my dad with her friends in toe complaining about me. So, guess who was the bad guy in this situation.

I’ve tried to talk to my dad on a few occasions about it but every time he throws it back in my face, eg stop being so childish, do you want me to be happy? etc etc

any advice about how to go about it without trying to kill the OW would be very grateful.

OP posts:

Wheredothesocksgo · 07/03/2023 07:42

Is this some sort of family business or you all work together?

I think you need a New job. Theres not much you can do without getting involved in a lot of drama. I'd step back. Your poor mum.

MrsMSM · 07/03/2023 07:44

Why did you speak to your boss! Do you all work together

In kindness- you are all adults
Your dad had an affair that's shit, but if he wants to be with OW nothing you can do their

Maedan · 07/03/2023 07:45

You need a new job and better work/personal life separation. This is between your parents, stop getting involved or talking to them about it, it's best you stay well out of it Tbh 💐

BaroldFromEastenders · 07/03/2023 07:46

You went to talk to your boss about your dad having an affair with a work colleague?

why?

Paturday · 07/03/2023 07:47

In answer to your title - you don’t.

MySugarBabyLove · 07/03/2023 07:48

You don’t.

This is between your parents, and tbh bringing your personal issues into work like this is incredibly unprofessional. If you don’t feel you can work with her then you need to find another job, but what she does in her personal life, while privately does affect you based on who she’s seeing, at work is none of your business and it’s not for you to involve your employer.

ArcticSkewer · 07/03/2023 07:48

Is this a storyline on TV at the moment?

You are enmeshed in your parents life and need a separate life and job. Maybe move away

PeekAtYou · 07/03/2023 07:49

Your parents are divorcing so your dad and colleague can date if they want. I know that you don't want to see it but technically they aren't doing anything wrong now.

The only thing you can do is change jobs and leave them to it.

TwinsAndTiramisu · 07/03/2023 07:49

BaroldFromEastenders · 07/03/2023 07:46

You went to talk to your boss about your dad having an affair with a work colleague?

why?

Yes, why?

Is the boss the OW?

80s · 07/03/2023 08:18

You feel as if your dad and OW are cosying up together at your workplace and treating you poorly at work? And when you went too the boss to complain about this, the two of them bullied you about it together?
Not sure if I understood it right, but yes, it does sound like you could do with a new job, though that would obviously be upsetting being "forced" out by your dad and his new gf.

However your parents break up, it's going to be upsetting for you. As you say, it wasn't good even before your dad got together with this new woman - tbh it sounds as if it might just be a new relationship, soon after his old one ended - rather than an affair. But even that kind of change would be hard to deal with. Be kind on yourself.

Monsterjam · 07/03/2023 08:20

Not your relationship you don’t get any say on who is in it and who is talking to who

getalifesonny · 07/03/2023 08:21

find a new job and stop contact with your dad. You can't stop him from seeing anyone but you can control who you see.

butterfliedtwo · 07/03/2023 08:26

You don't. You shouldn't have gone to your boss.

You can stop seeing your dad, but you can't control who he sees.

Quveas · 07/03/2023 08:27

I am sorry for the situation you are in, but you are a grown up and acting like a child. You should absolutely not have gone to your boss trying to get the woman sacked. You actually were the "bad guy" in that situation - you brought your personal life and dislike of her into the workplace and tried to manipulate the situation to your own wishes.

I don't think anyone would expect you to be happy or comfortable about your parents getting divorced and/or moving on with their lives. There are all sorts of things that we'd all like "not to happen". But this is happening and you are going to have to accept it. If you do not like the fact that he's in a relationship with another / younger woman, that is your perogative. But do not drag other people and your workplace into it, and don't expect that your demands for him to stop seeing her will be met with anything other than a "no".

Mirabai · 07/03/2023 08:49

You can’t stop your dad talking to the OW, it’s his life and if that’s how he wants to live it there’s nothing you can do.

That said, it should be possible to talk to a senior at work without about personal stuff without that person blabbing to the people involved. I assume you all work together in which case, the other posters are right, you need to find a new job.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/03/2023 09:03

Even when I went to talk to my boss about what was happening she a grown woman went straight to my dad with her friends in toe complaining about me. So, guess who was the bad guy in this situation.

Are you sure this is how it happened? How would your boss even be able to contact your father? Are you sure it wasn’t more a case of your boss making your colleague/dad’s girlfriend aware that you had discussed the situation with her, and it’s the girlfriend who has complained to your dad?

You talk about your boss being a grown woman, but so are you. And a grown woman should be able to recognise that it is not within an employer’s remit to tell someone who they can or cannot date, unless there is a conflict of interest (e.g. dating a major competitor). A grown woman should also understand that she can only control her own actions, not those of her parents.

Alstothemarvshien · 07/03/2023 11:07

Forget about the OW. She's of no consequence to you.

What you need to do is tell your dad how his behaviour has made you feel and the effect his choice of actions have had on your life. Tell him straight.

furryfrontbottom · 07/03/2023 11:38

I don't think you can. Your dad is an adult and gets to decide who he associates with. Just as you can choose whether to associate with him.

Saschka · 07/03/2023 11:46

OP it isn’t clear if your DF works in the same office as this woman, or if you are just unlucky that he had an affair with a random woman who just happened to work in the same place as you.

I’d be looking for another job either way (unless you like the idea of working under your “stepmother”). But if your dad doesn’t work with you, it was a bit weird to take this to your boss, unless the OW is needling you about it at work (which is entirely possible, but you don’t mention it).

If your dad does work with you, fair enough to complain to your boss about him conducting an affair in the office, especially if they are flaunting it in front of you - you can’t really be expected to work at your best if your dad is snogging a work colleague in front of your desk. And if he is OW’s boss there’s a conflict of interest. But if that is the case, obviously your boss is going to involve your dad as well.

GreyCarpet · 07/03/2023 12:59

What everyone else said. I can't imagine going to my boss to complain that one of their subordinates was having an affair with my dad!

Did they tell you to go away, grow up and it's none of your/their business? Because they should.

HufflePuffllePuff · 07/03/2023 13:24

Im going to the lone voice of dissent on this one.

I can see why you went to your boss. I think it is perfectly reasonable to inform your boss of personal issues which will be affecting your work especially if it involves someone you work with and this is a pretty extreme situation.

I take it you didn't ask for her to be sacked?Asking to move areas or alter work duties so you don't have to work with with her is acceptable in this highly emotive situation IMO.

Your Dad would have known early on that you work together and it they had any decency, (which they obviously don't) she should move jobs not you, which is not likely.

All you can do in this situation is move on yourself, make sure you tell your colleagues the reason you're resigning, cut off your Dad for now as his behaviour is disgusting and unforgivable (an affair with your work colleague, flaunting it in your face, young enough to be his daughter, yuk) and support your Mum and yourself through the divorce well away from your Dad's mid life crisis drama.

Pinkbonbon · 07/03/2023 13:25

I understand that it must be awful to work with the person with whom your dad cheated. But your oarents are divorcing already so...your dad can date whomever he likes unfortunately. Even if its cringeworthy and immoral.

Change jobs. And step back from all the drama. Because unfortunately I can understand why they are saying you are being childish. I get your frustration but it doesn't mean you get to badmouth your colleague to your boss.

Ofcourseshecan · 07/03/2023 13:27

80s · 07/03/2023 08:18

I agree with all this, OP. It’s upsetting for you, and I admire your loyalty to your mum. Your boss sounds very unprofessional, and as for your father — there’s a reason why people say “there’s no fool like an old fool”. I hope you can step back from it all, and focus on bringing happiness into your life and your mother’s life.

MyriadOfTravels · 07/03/2023 13:29

You need to separate the issues.

you can’t stop your dad from talking to the OW. I mean she is one if the reasons of his divorce! He is allowed to carry on with that relationship (regardless or nit it is/was a good idea to do so)
you don’t have to talk to the OW. If that means work becomes untenable because you have to carry on working together etc… then yes a new job might be better for you. I’d include the case where the OW isn’t staying professional too.
you need to have a look at your dad and your relationship to him separately from the OW. Are you ready to ‘forgive’ him for what he did in his marriage? Are you gig to take sides etc…. From That decide how you want to interact with HIM

MyriadOfTravels · 07/03/2023 13:30

And I agree with @HufflePuffllePuff

Flip

1 2