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Original poster

How do I get my dad to stop talking to the OW?

48 replies

Tellytry · 07/03/2023 07:37

My parents are currently in the middle of divorcing, the marriage hasn’t been right for years. But the nail on the coffin was when my dad had an affair with one of my work colleagues. Not only that there is quite a big age gap between them, she is literally young enough to be his daughter. It’s quite uneasy. He says there is nothing going on between but it’s all a lie, as I have evidence to prove otherwise. He has also admitted it to me as well

There is also the fact that I feel like I’ve literally have been used and walked all over by my own dad and this OW. Even when I went to talk to my boss about what was happening she a grown woman went straight to my dad with her friends in toe complaining about me. So, guess who was the bad guy in this situation.

I’ve tried to talk to my dad on a few occasions about it but every time he throws it back in my face, eg stop being so childish, do you want me to be happy? etc etc

any advice about how to go about it without trying to kill the OW would be very grateful.

OP posts:
Saschka · 07/03/2023 13:44

GreyCarpet · 07/03/2023 12:59

What everyone else said. I can't imagine going to my boss to complain that one of their subordinates was having an affair with my dad!

Did they tell you to go away, grow up and it's none of your/their business? Because they should.

I can imagine it must be pretty uncomfortable hearing this woman banging on about her new boyfriend at work if that new boyfriend is your dad and he is still married to your mum.

“Any plans for the weekend Claire?”

”Well Simon is taking me on a dirty weekend to Lisbon, the hotel room has a hot tub so we will be getting champagne on room service and spending all weekend in bed!”

“Ooh how romantic!”

”Yes, his ex-wife is behaving like an absolute psycho at the minute, so he really needs this break”

That conversation would be fairly normal between work friends in their 20s, but fucking unprofessional in the staff kitchen in front of OP.

OP hasn’t been back, so we have no way of knowing what exactly she complained to her boss about - maybe the OW has announced that from now on, she will only respond to OP calling her “Mum” Grin

Chattannugu · 07/03/2023 13:50

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request

Bookworm20 · 07/03/2023 14:39

I think it depends if they were in the process of divorcing when he started seeing your collegue, or if seeing this collegue caused the divorce.

If its the first one, then as hard as it must be for you to see your mum hurt over his moving on so fast, its freally none of your business. you are an adult and your fathers relationships are really no business of yours - if he is single.

The fact its a collegue of yours is, yes, awkward. but thats it. They are 2 adults, both consenting to the relationship.

If its the second one and he was seeing her before things ended with your mother, then thats a different ball game. But only in as much as I would lose all respect for the work collegue - and my father.

I am totally confused though why you went to your boss about it.

MintJulia · 07/03/2023 14:47

You don't. They are two consenting adults and what they do is not your concern. Your parents are divorcing which is sad but you cannot prevent it.

You may choose to communicate less with your df going forward, and obviously encourage him not to discuss ow in front of your dm. But in the end it's his life to live as he wishes.

It is certainly nothing to do with your boss.

IncompleteSenten · 07/03/2023 14:52

You don't.

Hbh17 · 07/03/2023 15:04

You don't. Your father can talk to/haveva relationship with whoever he wants. It's nothing to do with you.

Treehappy · 07/03/2023 15:08

Saschka · 07/03/2023 13:44

I can imagine it must be pretty uncomfortable hearing this woman banging on about her new boyfriend at work if that new boyfriend is your dad and he is still married to your mum.

“Any plans for the weekend Claire?”

”Well Simon is taking me on a dirty weekend to Lisbon, the hotel room has a hot tub so we will be getting champagne on room service and spending all weekend in bed!”

“Ooh how romantic!”

”Yes, his ex-wife is behaving like an absolute psycho at the minute, so he really needs this break”

That conversation would be fairly normal between work friends in their 20s, but fucking unprofessional in the staff kitchen in front of OP.

OP hasn’t been back, so we have no way of knowing what exactly she complained to her boss about - maybe the OW has announced that from now on, she will only respond to OP calling her “Mum” Grin

Show quote history

Where do you work that people talk like this at work!

in nowhere that I ever worked did people speak like this!

Btjdkfnn · 07/03/2023 15:15

what has this got to do with your boss?

the ow and your dad seem to have behaved badly - but how is it anything to do with anyone’s boss?

id keep away from the pair of them and make sure your mum is ok

BadNomad · 07/03/2023 15:18

I don't think I could be around any of them. Selfish shits. You can't stop your father from doing anything. You can only decide for yourself if you want it in your life.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/03/2023 15:22

Sorry, but you've lost your fucking mind going to your boss about your coworker sleeping with your dad. What on earth were you thinking?

Get a new job and stay the hell out of your father's business.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 07/03/2023 16:06

Aquamarine1029 · 07/03/2023 15:22

Sorry, but you've lost your fucking mind going to your boss about your coworker sleeping with your dad. What on earth were you thinking?

Get a new job and stay the hell out of your father's business.

No she hasn't. This is very much what HR deals with no? Uncomfortable behaviour at work... including a colleague sleeping with the married father of another colleague. Especially if they're being inappropriate at work.

ArcticSkewer · 07/03/2023 16:10

IDontWantToBeAPie · 07/03/2023 16:06

No she hasn't. This is very much what HR deals with no? Uncomfortable behaviour at work... including a colleague sleeping with the married father of another colleague. Especially if they're being inappropriate at work.

Show quote history

errrr no. HR don't deal with who employees sleep with off the job

LuckyThatMyBreastsAreSmallAndHumble · 07/03/2023 16:21

HufflePuffllePuff · 07/03/2023 13:24

Im going to the lone voice of dissent on this one.

I can see why you went to your boss. I think it is perfectly reasonable to inform your boss of personal issues which will be affecting your work especially if it involves someone you work with and this is a pretty extreme situation.

I take it you didn't ask for her to be sacked?Asking to move areas or alter work duties so you don't have to work with with her is acceptable in this highly emotive situation IMO.

Your Dad would have known early on that you work together and it they had any decency, (which they obviously don't) she should move jobs not you, which is not likely.

All you can do in this situation is move on yourself, make sure you tell your colleagues the reason you're resigning, cut off your Dad for now as his behaviour is disgusting and unforgivable (an affair with your work colleague, flaunting it in your face, young enough to be his daughter, yuk) and support your Mum and yourself through the divorce well away from your Dad's mid life crisis drama.

I agree with this.

So many people giving the op a hard time on here. Imagine if YOUR dad did this ffs?!!

TheAugusta · 07/03/2023 16:26

It is entirely reasonable to make your boss/HR aware that you will have difficulty having a cordial relationship with the OW after she’s had an affair with your father, of course that’s relevant to work! I’m not sure there’s anything you can do on the personal side other than let your dad know how disgusted you are - and most others would be - at how they have behaved. I’m sorry OP. It’s gross.

hotdiggetydog · 07/03/2023 16:37

Keep your nose out

drpet49 · 07/03/2023 16:40

IDontWantToBeAPie · 07/03/2023 16:06

No she hasn't. This is very much what HR deals with no? Uncomfortable behaviour at work... including a colleague sleeping with the married father of another colleague. Especially if they're being inappropriate at work.

Show quote history

This

drpet49 · 07/03/2023 16:41

hotdiggetydog · 07/03/2023 16:37

Keep your nose out

@hotdiggetydog get a life luv

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/03/2023 17:37

LuckyThatMyBreastsAreSmallAndHumble · 07/03/2023 16:21

I agree with this.

So many people giving the op a hard time on here. Imagine if YOUR dad did this ffs?!!

Show quote history

I don’t think anyone is cheering the dad on 🙄 Of course we’d all hate it if a parent was having it off with someone we had to work with.

What people are struggling with is the idea that the OP thinks that a) her boss should intervene in this and b) said boss went running to her father to gossip. Unless there’s some massive drip feed where this is some tiny family business and the dad works there too (and the “boss” is actually a family friend), how would the boss even know how to contact the OP’s father? It’s far more likely that the boss has asked the OW (if that’s what she actually is, given the marriage was already seemingly down the tubes) whether this is true and if it’s going to effect working relationships, and she has moaned to OP’s dad about this.

If this woman is using the situation to bully the OP or otherwise make her feel uncomfortable, then yes, that’s something to raise with the boss. But the fact that the situation exists at all is not something management can intervene with - just as the OP can’t insist her dad ends his involvement with this woman.

Newstartonwards · 07/03/2023 17:43

LuckyThatMyBreastsAreSmallAndHumble · 07/03/2023 16:21

I agree with this.

So many people giving the op a hard time on here. Imagine if YOUR dad did this ffs?!!

Show quote history

I agree with this as well.

Saschka · 07/03/2023 17:46

Treehappy · 07/03/2023 15:08

Where do you work that people talk like this at work!

in nowhere that I ever worked did people speak like this!

Show quote history

NHS! I know far more than I want to about some of my colleagues’ love lives 🤯

Undermyumberellaellaella · 07/03/2023 18:31

Your mum and dad are divorcing. Who he sees, no matter what the age (as long as it's legal), is non of your business.

I'm not sure why you spoke to your boss unless it's affecting the way you work. Which it shouldn't. Your dads just got another girlfriend.

hotdiggetydog · 07/03/2023 22:39

drpet49 · 07/03/2023 16:41

@hotdiggetydog get a life luv

Show quote history

It's nothing to do with you

SandyY2K · 07/03/2023 22:43

Cut dad and OW out of your life. Support your mum.

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