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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Keeping up!

50 replies

Verynaive · 06/03/2023 16:54

I am not very experienced 28 year old but I have had only two relationships. The first one lasted for only 6 months but he left me for a more attractive and younger girl. I am now with a new guy who is fantastic but he doesn't seem to have the same drive as me. What can I do to get him more interested?

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 06/03/2023 16:55

More interested in what? You might not be compatible. If you aren’t end it. You can’t change people.

motherofkevinnotperry · 06/03/2023 17:05

If they can't keep up in the early days they're unlikely to be able to sustain it long term. Move on

UnePetitDeKelvin · 06/03/2023 17:05

Interested in what?

Original poster
Verynaive · 06/03/2023 17:30

Sorry if I have confused!
I thought putting under relationships it would be obvious i was talking about sex. He only seems to be interested once or twice a week when I feel it should be once a day. I dont think thats unreasonable. I have tried buying sexy outfits etc but it doesn't seem to work.
Wondered if anyone has any ideas?

OP posts:
UnePetitDeKelvin · 06/03/2023 17:35

Have you tried talking about it with him?

Original poster
Verynaive · 06/03/2023 18:14

I haven't dared to be that direct but I have tried to subtly suggest but he just doesn't seem to respond. May be he just doesn't fancy me enough.

OP posts:
Cloverforever · 06/03/2023 18:20

Verynaive · 06/03/2023 17:30

Sorry if I have confused!
I thought putting under relationships it would be obvious i was talking about sex. He only seems to be interested once or twice a week when I feel it should be once a day. I dont think thats unreasonable. I have tried buying sexy outfits etc but it doesn't seem to work.
Wondered if anyone has any ideas?

Who says it should be once a day? I can just imagine the outcry if a man said that!

Somanysocks · 06/03/2023 18:23

You've got to laugh when you're at the point of shagging someone but can't manage to talk to them about it.

Original poster
Verynaive · 06/03/2023 18:27

Well the way I look at it is that everyday is an opportunity and you should get the moist fun out of everyday possible. I thought that was pretty normal. It was with my previous partner.

OP posts:
pawz · 06/03/2023 18:29

Verynaive · 06/03/2023 18:27

Well the way I look at it is that everyday is an opportunity and you should get the moist fun out of everyday possible. I thought that was pretty normal. It was with my previous partner.

The moist fun??

Jesus OP!

Tbh if he's not interested now in the honeymoon phase in boinking everyday, it's probably a downhill trajectory from here.

Find someone more on your wavelength and you'll be happier long term imo.

UnePetitDeKelvin · 06/03/2023 18:31

Yeah. Maybe start by speaking to him.

Ofcourseshecan · 06/03/2023 19:05

People aren't being very sympathetic, OP. I feel for you, as I'd expect to be at it like rabbits in the early months of a relationship.

How often do you see each other, or do you live together? Is there anything that makes sleeping together inconvenient, eg flat-sharing or living with parents? Is he much older than you? How do you spend your time together, eg are you always busy or playing sport or doing anything else that might use up his energy?

DevantMaJardin · 06/03/2023 19:07

@Ofcourseshecan people aren't very sympathetic because this post comes across a little... odd. Like us wimmins are just supposed to fall over ourselves to tell this poor naive innocent poster how to get her man's cock hard. Hmm

GoodChat · 06/03/2023 19:09

If he's a new guy I'm surprised you're even seeing him every day.

Original poster
Verynaive · 06/03/2023 19:14

Actually he moved into my place so we live together. And we generally spend most of our time together, out for walks, visiting pubs occasionally eating out but mostly staying in for evening. We are happy I think in each other's company. Just can't work out why he doesn't have more oomph!

OP posts:
Bionesque · 06/03/2023 19:14

If you can't talk to him about shagging, you really shouldn't be doing it yet. (Moist or not.)

UnePetitDeKelvin · 06/03/2023 19:20

I think because you haven't had a conversation about sex, so he's inherently awkward about it. Might be one reason.
But only one person knows and you can ask him?

yousexybugger · 06/03/2023 19:22

How new is he if you're living together?

How are you approaching sex if you daren't talk about it?

I ask because it can be very tiring and offputting if someone is constantly pawing you and every hug/ kiss/ affectionate touch is taken as an invitation for a shag. If you suspect that may be you from his perspective then consider backing off a bit and also enjoying cuddles etc with no further expectation.

GoodChat · 06/03/2023 19:40

Why are you living with someone you can't talk to? Why did he move in if you weren't sure you're compatible?

Ofcourseshecan · 06/03/2023 19:49

DevantMaJardin · 06/03/2023 19:07

@Ofcourseshecan people aren't very sympathetic because this post comes across a little... odd. Like us wimmins are just supposed to fall over ourselves to tell this poor naive innocent poster how to get her man's cock hard. Hmm

LOL, I never thought of that -- just practical things! D'oh ....

Oddbobbyboo · 06/03/2023 20:01

Leave him be...... he'll come to you...... my boyf is 48..... and says I'm like a dog on heat... I was massively concerned about our sex life.... but my friend said to me chill out and stop being as tactile and stop messaging him all the time.... I did this! Reverse psychology I guess....

Well.... he can't get enough of me now.... we're having lots of sex 😂 and are so much closer xx I don't know x maybe I was to available x

Eyerollcentral · 06/03/2023 20:34

Verynaive · 06/03/2023 19:14

Actually he moved into my place so we live together. And we generally spend most of our time together, out for walks, visiting pubs occasionally eating out but mostly staying in for evening. We are happy I think in each other's company. Just can't work out why he doesn't have more oomph!

Why have you moved in with someone who doesn’t have as much sex as you would like? Bizarre.

Original poster
Verynaive · 06/03/2023 22:00

Gosh lots of messages and advice! He moved in admittedly shortly after we met really. Yes we have not discussed sex but I do not want to put him off or turn him away as may be I have done that before. I am really wanting advice on how I can turn on my man to take care of my needs and make sure I keep him. Perhaps we could try different positions etc? I am not really sure how to suggest as I have always been quite conventional (I think - well one position).

OP posts:
Original poster
Verynaive · 06/03/2023 22:09

That's good advice Oddbobbyboo. Did you do anything to spark his interest like clothes, lingerie, or new positions/techniques and how did you go about suggesting this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Verynaive · 06/03/2023 22:12

WelI truth I didn't fully know what his capacity was until he moved in. Actually I just thought everyone one would be the same but I am learning that might not be the case.

OP posts: