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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Keeping up!

50 replies

Verynaive · 06/03/2023 16:54

I am not very experienced 28 year old but I have had only two relationships. The first one lasted for only 6 months but he left me for a more attractive and younger girl. I am now with a new guy who is fantastic but he doesn't seem to have the same drive as me. What can I do to get him more interested?

OP posts:
Original poster
Verynaive · 06/03/2023 22:18

I am trying to be alluring etc but I am not sure I am doing the right things. Sometimes when he comes back home. I hope he will notice me and feel titillated but most times he doesn't seem to notice me in that way? Some girls seems to do it from what I can see but not me!!

OP posts:
Cloverforever · 06/03/2023 22:19

No, everyone is not the same OP. Far from it. Talk to him. If you can't do that them you really shouldn't be living together.

KatieKline · 06/03/2023 22:20

Calling BS on this post

Original poster
Verynaive · 06/03/2023 22:22

Would really appreciate some helpful; advice instead!

OP posts:
bossybloss · 06/03/2023 22:23

KatieKline · 06/03/2023 22:20

Calling BS on this post

Me too !

Original poster
Verynaive · 06/03/2023 22:28

Cruel, I need help

OP posts:
RestingMurderousFace · 06/03/2023 22:29

bossybloss · 06/03/2023 22:23

Me too !

Show quote history

Three.

LesserBohemians · 06/03/2023 22:31

‘Dear internet, Help me! I’ve moved in with a man I can’t have a conversation with, but need advice on how to be titillating!’

Dotcheck · 06/03/2023 22:37

Jesus Op
You are coming across as very desperate here. Do you need a man so badly that you he had to move in straight away? Are you sure you want sex or just reassurance that he wants you?

Original poster
Verynaive · 06/03/2023 22:44

I definitely want lots of regular (daily) sex for myself and to please him and to know I am wanted

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 06/03/2023 23:05

But do you genuinely like him for him? Is he your friend too?

Original poster
Verynaive · 06/03/2023 23:07

Yes absolutely, he is my special one!

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 06/03/2023 23:24

Verynaive · 06/03/2023 22:00

Gosh lots of messages and advice! He moved in admittedly shortly after we met really. Yes we have not discussed sex but I do not want to put him off or turn him away as may be I have done that before. I am really wanting advice on how I can turn on my man to take care of my needs and make sure I keep him. Perhaps we could try different positions etc? I am not really sure how to suggest as I have always been quite conventional (I think - well one position).

You have moved in too quickly. God knows what you were thinking. Find a man who likes the same things you do.

Original poster
Verynaive · 06/03/2023 23:52

Everyone has been generous in offering advice but I wanted to know how I can get my OH more interested in me sexually.
No one seems to address that point specifically.
I'd be rea;;y interested in that issue.

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 06/03/2023 23:55

You can’t. If he is not interested now more than a couple of times a week he probably won’t be ever. Not sure what you think any one else can tell you about that

Zanatdy · 07/03/2023 04:13

Browse Love Honey together and make a few purchases if he’s willing to experiment with some toys etc. It does tend to be more frequent in the early days but that often dies down. Once a day is very frequent and not everyone (men or women) are going to want to do it that often. One position is pretty boring yes (that’s just my opinion). Love Honey also have a ‘position of the week’ that they email out to customers, there’s some fun things to try. I bought my bf the position of the week book for V day and we had some fun trying out a few of them! It might be he’s got a lower sex drive and you just have to compromise (both of you). So many people on here with the same problem

Northernsouloldies · 07/03/2023 05:04

I'm with pp comments, this is made up bs.

Clusterfunk · 07/03/2023 05:19

That’s because nobody wants to give you wank fodder.

Catsonskis · 07/03/2023 06:24

Going to suggest the obvious, ask HIM what he likes. Maybe he isn’t arsed about lingere maybe he likes a messy bum and sweatpants.

or maybe he just doesn’t want sex every day? That’s very very normal.

but if you can’t talk to him about sec you shouldn’t be having sex!

Catsonskis · 07/03/2023 06:24

Lol messy bun not bum!

yousexybugger · 07/03/2023 07:14

Verynaive · 06/03/2023 23:52

Everyone has been generous in offering advice but I wanted to know how I can get my OH more interested in me sexually.
No one seems to address that point specifically.
I'd be rea;;y interested in that issue.

What would be the point if you've no idea what he likes and so cannot tell us that for ideas around it?

Reported as it is sounding more like digging for wank fodder now.

Dery · 07/03/2023 07:19

No-one’s going to give you actual sex tips on here, OP. It’s not what this forum is for and there are many places where you can get that information. For example, try the Karma Sutra if you want more advice on positions.

Rupiduti · 07/03/2023 07:36

You can't just make someone have sex with you more, it doesn't work like that.
Sex is based on lots of factors such as, mutual attraction, energy levels at the time, sex drive and so on. I love my boyfriend, it's been about 6 months so still in the new phase, we don't live together but spend about 3 days or nights together a week. Sometimes we will be at it twice a day, others maybe once or twice over the 3 nights. It just all depends. I'd say we have a fairly similar sex drive and it works really well, neither of us pressure the other etc...

Also, in a relationship, you grow to love the person, I am obviously attracted to my boyfriend but because I love him, it wouldn't matter to me what he was wearing or looked like occasionally, I'd still want sex. Because I see through the looks now.

Lastly, I don't know why you've moved in with each other so soon. Especially when you can't even talk about something as simple as sex.

OrlandointheWilderness · 07/03/2023 11:22

Sex drives differ from person to person. Many things impact it, from tiredness, stress, physical health and your basic drive. Nothing wrong at all with him only wanting it 1/2 times a week. You need to talk to him about it. I have a higher drive than my DP at the moment, so I just sort myself out occasionally!

FinallyHere · 07/03/2023 19:17

I haven't dared to be that direct but I have tried to subtly suggest but he just doesn't seem to respond.

Please don't think you 'dare not' have a genuine conversation with someone, especially if you are in a sexual relationship with that person.

And they are living with you.

Try asking him. I would and then listen hard to what he says. When someone tells you who they are, listen to them and believe them.

Don't expect him to change but maybe look for any compromises which might help. Or decide whether you are really suited.

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