I’ve done a lot of reading about abuse after leaving my 10 year abusive marriage a few years ago. I sometimes now feel the same emotions like anger and frustration a lot like my husband did towards me.
He was abused by his father and when he was triggered he reacted. I now am dealing with the same issues only he has given these to me. I now deal with traumatic memories and my nervous system is really on edge a lot. His father did it to him and he did it to me. I want people to forgive me when I am triggered (I’m not on the same level as him, I tend to withdraw instead of hit out).
Should you forgive him? He has caused me a great deal of stress and my health has suffered because of that relationship. He was only acting out his traumatic childhood on me. It is up to him to fix his problems though like I am trying to do. It is hard to not react when you have been abused. I still struggle with noise, I can’t take too much noise as it puts me on edge.
He has not fixed himself though and has moved on to another lady. We share a child and he does have this victim issue, he has to be the one who was wronged. He tells our child lies in order to look like the victim. The relationship was toxic. If he felt wronged I was in trouble.
I can empathise with him but I still have feelings like I hate him. I also struggle with the fact I let him treat me so poorly.