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Original poster

He's a puzzle I can't figure out

39 replies

yodew · 06/03/2023 05:09

Why would a guy sent me an unrequited love song about a pretty girl who's mean to him because she doesn't love him back?He also sent me the pinched short animation about a guy who's fighting his demons and at the end he meets with an old flame who makes his life more bearable?

Last month I met with him for the first time in 4 years since college ended and spent almost an hour with him in the cold, I realized he didn't care about me as much as I thought due to him wanting to keep it secret and not tell our friend group. The notion of secrecy and lying hurt me a lot and afterwards I told him I liked him but that I need to move since it's clear he doesn't. On a call, I asked him if he ever did and he told me that he never got feelings for me since we didn't spend much time together back then. I cried and I felt how cold he was in his silence. A very painful 13 minutes. I still wanted to remain friends with him so I would text him there and there to see if he's okay, to show that his friendship still matters to me but he never once asked anything about me, how I am, etc. It's much different now and he feels like he's taking distance from me. He told me 2 weeks ago he met with an old girl friend of his and yesterday he watched a movie with 2 of our old colleagues, one of which he would sit close to often furing our courses talk to often and liked all of her Instagram pictures. Honestly, I'm glad he's trying to spend more time with them. I know he's aslo moving on. It just feels so lonely, he never asked me to watch a movie with him, he never invited me anywhere, I was always the one initiating and he was passively give me the attention I thought was love. Until a week ago, I'd sent him a song every few days and he would reply with another. But I noticed he started to do it less and less so I'll back away for now.

I just... don't understand. I care so much about him and it still hurts, the healing process is taking way more for me and I hate it. I want to be happy and loved back too, but I feel like his mixed messages all these years are just making me question the actual truth and all I want are explanations.

Why did he send me those videos so casually?

OP posts:
Yolo12345 · 06/03/2023 05:38

He sent them to you for attention/compliments/admiration. Don't waste your time and move on.

BlueSlate · 06/03/2023 06:14

Because he's an immature, manipulative headfuck.

Adults communicate through words.

lovem · 06/03/2023 06:23

Sounds like he's trying (ineptly) to get laid with anyone who'll have him. He doesn't want you all knowing he's trying it on with each other.

Please don't spend more time desperately looking for crumbs of meaning and attention.

Block him and move on.

Theos · 06/03/2023 06:27

Life doesn’t need to be this hard.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/03/2023 06:28

BlueSlate · 06/03/2023 06:14

Because he's an immature, manipulative headfuck.

Adults communicate through words.

This.

If you have to reply 👍 is your friend.

Rockofages3 · 06/03/2023 06:46

Mixed messages are just that - it is someone showing you they are uncertain about you. At best you are dealing with an undeceive person. At worst, you are dealing with a flakey manipulator. Either way, there’s nothing good here for you.

You two have not managed to set up clear communication channels, and until you do, nothing will ever be resolved with any clarity.

My personal habit is to walk away from situations that appear confusing. It’s never a promising start, and you want to start as you mean to go on.

carriedout · 06/03/2023 06:49

He sounds like a draining waste of your emotional energy.

He did it for attention is my guess. The trick is to stop caring about what he's thinking and to focus on yourself.

You can do a lot better than this. Chuck him back in the pond and focus on yourself.

pictoosh · 06/03/2023 06:55

Sounds a melodramatic, childish, self-absorbed type who wants attention.

I second the thumbs up response. Hee hee.

pictoosh · 06/03/2023 06:56

He’s not a puzzle btw, he’s just a common garden twat. Xx

CrapBucket · 06/03/2023 06:59

I read your title and thought YAWN - he's a tosser it's as simple as that.

Then I read your OP and discovered I was right at first glance.

Beamur · 06/03/2023 06:59

pictoosh · 06/03/2023 06:56

He’s not a puzzle btw, he’s just a common garden twat. Xx

This too.
He's messing about with your feelings. Give him the push.

Fraaahnces · 06/03/2023 07:00

He’s a creep. He’s not your friend. He doesn’t care. He just wants an easy shag and he thought you were it.

fajitaaaa · 06/03/2023 07:04

No idea but it doesn't scream "life partner" if that's what you're looking for

CornishTiger · 06/03/2023 07:06

There is no puzzles and fixing required. He’s not worth the head space.

Ignore and move on.

Binfluencer · 06/03/2023 07:26

He sounds INCREDIBLY boring.

You can deserve better

EnjoythemoneyJane · 06/03/2023 08:04

Referring to him as a ‘puzzle’ is just romanticising all his game-playing twattery. Sorry to be harsh but you are giving waaay too much headspace to someone who gives zero shits about you other than as a means to feed his own ego.

He’s not an enigma, he’s a fucking idiot. You deserve better.

CJsGoldfish · 06/03/2023 08:19

If you send songs back and forth, or did until a week ago, do you analyse every one? Do you make sure you send 'meaningful' ones and expect he is as well?
So not really a song out of the blue, right?

Sounds like someone you've pined over for years. We've all been there. Examining every look, every word etc. You say he was 'cold' when you cried but why put yourself in the position by asking him if he's ever liked you? Stop with the torture.

He isn't in to you. The fact that he doesn't spend time with you the same he does with other friends makes me wonder if he even likes you that much. He's clearly aware of the crush you have on him and doing just enough to keep you hanging. There is no puzzle to be solved. He's not the one for you OP. You are worth way more than that. Time to move on.

JorisBonson · 06/03/2023 08:21

Is this another ChatGP post?

Ndd135632 · 06/03/2023 08:22

Block and move on

NastyNiff · 06/03/2023 08:23

He's using the mysterious songs to distract you from the fact he just wants an easy lay. He knows that naive and/or young women lap this up. He is not interested in a romantic relationship with you. He might not be capable of it with anyone. The reason we all know this is that there are quite a lot of chaps like this. It's disappointing, but it's better to be in touch with reality than waste your time.

coconutshy1 · 06/03/2023 08:34

Well, why are your self esteem so pour you beg and thrive on bread crumbs from a man who doesn't even care about you and isn't actually a friend either?

You should think about why you are so hung up on him instead of why he sent you a song or why he did this or that because he sent you the biggest message in many ways: he doesn't care about you like you care about him. You are not his priority. but you choose to focus on the sweet and tender things to try and cling on to hope that he cares. He doesn't care in the way you wish he would. Sorry.
Cut contact with him block him from your life, work on yourself and meet someone in a healthy normal way.

lovem · 06/03/2023 08:39

JorisBonson · 06/03/2023 08:21

Is this another ChatGP post?

Oh interesting

Original poster
yodew · 06/03/2023 10:07

I know you're right, I shouldn't be so hung up on someone who is not interested in me that much as a person. He first surprised me when in the first year of college he sent me a birthday message out of no where. He told me he asked around about it and since then he never forgot it. He is one of the few people who regularly messages me on my birthday.
I was going through some depressive episodes during college and again he was asking people about me. I really thought he cared. Genuinely. That's why it's so hard to let my affection for him go into the void. Before meeting we texted and talked about intimate stuff, his emotional problems about being lonely and having sexist friends. He told me of his hobby which he never told anyone about. Don't know if that's another lie or not. We were close and almost talked daily. It's been incredibly painful to realise that he only wanted my attention, not me. That I was used for his loneliness. Hes a good person, is smart, kind, ambitious. I looked up to him a lot. I can't truly say fuck him even if I'm very upset by the way he treated me. Because I care about him and regardless want the best for him. In thinking like this, I'm aware I'm the biggest fool. The sad truth is that I got attached too quickly to someone who was just kind and nice to me all this time. Still, I want him to be happy because he sacrifices himself too much and pretends he's fine. I just wish someone out there could feel this way about me too.

OP posts:
ClareBlue · 06/03/2023 10:18

Somebody will feel the same way about you but you are not creating any opportunities to meet them by focusing on this relationship. You have to move on and meet other people. This isn't healthy and will drag you down even further if you don't act in your best interests in cutting him out of your life.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 06/03/2023 11:00

Still, I want him to be happy because he sacrifices himself too much and pretends he's fine.
😂😂😂

He's not a puzzle, & he's not sacrificing himself.
He's just some dude who doesn't know how to communicate honestly, so chats up women with songs, & makes naive young women feel they're getting a special favour when he deigns to talk to them about his hobby FFS.

Why do you think you are romanticising this common-or-garden bloke so desperately? There is nothing special about him. Stop mooning around after him & start having fun with good friends instead.