He's a puzzle I can't figure out

[yodew]

Why would a guy sent me an unrequited love song about a pretty girl who's mean to him because she doesn't love him back?He also sent me the pinched short animation about a guy who's fighting his demons and at the end he meets with an old flame who makes his life more bearable?

Last month I met with him for the first time in 4 years since college ended and spent almost an hour with him in the cold, I realized he didn't care about me as much as I thought due to him wanting to keep it secret and not tell our friend group. The notion of secrecy and lying hurt me a lot and afterwards I told him I liked him but that I need to move since it's clear he doesn't. On a call, I asked him if he ever did and he told me that he never got feelings for me since we didn't spend much time together back then. I cried and I felt how cold he was in his silence. A very painful 13 minutes. I still wanted to remain friends with him so I would text him there and there to see if he's okay, to show that his friendship still matters to me but he never once asked anything about me, how I am, etc. It's much different now and he feels like he's taking distance from me. He told me 2 weeks ago he met with an old girl friend of his and yesterday he watched a movie with 2 of our old colleagues, one of which he would sit close to often furing our courses talk to often and liked all of her Instagram pictures. Honestly, I'm glad he's trying to spend more time with them. I know he's aslo moving on. It just feels so lonely, he never asked me to watch a movie with him, he never invited me anywhere, I was always the one initiating and he was passively give me the attention I thought was love. Until a week ago, I'd sent him a song every few days and he would reply with another. But I noticed he started to do it less and less so I'll back away for now.

I just... don't understand. I care so much about him and it still hurts, the healing process is taking way more for me and I hate it. I want to be happy and loved back too, but I feel like his mixed messages all these years are just making me question the actual truth and all I want are explanations.

Why did he send me those videos so casually?

I will have the most fun! I'm sure of that. Thank you, the posts here have both motivated me and made me laugh. It's what I needed :')

He sounds tedious beyond belief. Imagine a grown man behaving like an emo teenager.

He is indeed very negative and emotionally cosntipated, even to me. Trying to cheer him up is exhausting. He told me he's going to a therapist because that's the only way he can open up about his issues to someone, so ,hopefully, he can fix that or at least improve it a bit.

At least if he goes to a therapist, they will be being paid to listen to his immature nonsense rather than you having to do it.

Can I clarify. You knew him in college 4 years ago. Were you dating him in college?
When you met up you spent a long time outside where you were cold. He said he wanted to keep things secret. What things? Did you meet him fit the first time in four years and then discuss a relationship outside in the cold? You didn't date or meet up over some weeks. Just your first meet up in 4 years and he tells you not to tell anyone?
This is so odd I can't quite think I've understood it.
Then when he said to keep it secret you said it doesn't rite for you but you proceeded to send him songs???
Abc he sent songs back?
You both sound very young and inexperienced and probably better off just leaving each other alone.
It will be hard at first but no contact is the only way you'll get over this limerance

He sounds tedious and insufferable in lots of ways, but what he's doing is stringing you along as a plan b for if he wants a shag, but is otherwise not interested in you.

Why did you split up with him?

Were you in exclusive relations as BF & GF?

There is nothing wrong with being young & inexperienced.

We all live & learn. & develop.

I agree.

We weren't exclusive to each other, just close friends. He explained that in the past he was in relationships that lasted a few days and everyone find out through gossip. He mentioned months ago to me that he's also going to therapy for his paranoia. I felt sad for him but still, it was super off to me too that he wanted to keep it a secret. His excuse was that another of our friends asked him out to meet a week before, he refused her and accepted going with me. Didn't want to upset her nor be a point of discussion to our friends. She is in a relationship though. Anyway this made me realise how of little importance I was to him and decided to call him 2 days later to tell him that I liked him but clearly I was wrong when thinking that he cared more about me than he really does. I avoided cutting communication with him after telling him that I can't talk as intimately as we used to, when he told me he didn't like me back and that he wasn't ready for a relationship , because I did not want to send the wrong message that his friendship doesn't matter to me. When I left him in the bus he looked to me super anxious and almost close to tears, he denied feeling anxious though and told me he thought our hangout went well. I dont know, the whole time we spent in the cold he seemed nervous, the subjects of discussion did not flow organically, it was very awkward. He did compliment my earring, rings, backpack and I told hi new glasses look good on him. He took me to this board game place where he hangs out, bought me a boba tea and noticed my hands were cold, I looked at him and he fidgeted by moving his arm away from me. Im thinking I made him feel uncomfortable around me. I regret not confessing to him earlier and instead on call, it's just he was in a fragile state and didnt want to make him feel worse. I was wrong...It's a complicated situation for me too. I still can't fully process everything that happened. I tried to keep contact, just not like before and figured a song a few days would work at keeping our friendship alive. I can see that it was a futile attempt and that I was never that good of a friend to him since he hasn't asked me once to see if I'm doing okay. I stopped reaching back to him a few days ago and I suspect he won't do it either. Ill message him on his birthday that's coming in a few weeks but otherwise, he loves replying not initiating.
I'm really sad. I feel like I fucked up too due to my emotions at that time. I wanted us to remain friends, good friends at least we had lots of things in common, we are both gamers and love nerdy jokes. I cant force him to want to talk to me. I can only hope his emotional state will get better and that he resolves the issues he has going on..
Honestly it's too dramatic for us both to handle it. We are both inexperienced but talented miscommunicators regardless 😂

Why are you bothering? The way out of this drama is to stop creating it. He's showing you half hearted interest, and you're writing reams of drama about what might be.

People who build healthy relationships don't do this. They don't see people as 'puzzles'. They recognise that someone's behaviour makes little sense to them, and walk away. Your future partner will make sense from day one, and rarely vere from that. Anyone who does otherwise isn't for you, and it really is that simple. A happy life isn't full of puzzle-people that you finally, successfully 'work out'. He probably doesn't really know why he's treating you this way either, but recognise that he is not your responsibility, and that he needs to live his life his way. People who don't 'get him', like yourself, won't be good for him either, on any level deeper than surface level, where a quick show of caring from time to time might facilitate a fuck every now and then.

There's no depth in a relationship with someone you don't understand.

Yeah, I decided to stop this torturing. I will no longer force a friendship with him and will leave him alone for both of our sakes.

Goodness me... get this miserable guy out of your life! What a load of nonsense!

How old are you both? You sound incredibly young with a crush that has got completely out of control.

Stop texting him. Please stop sending songs. He sounds like he laps up your attention and loves to have you hanging on his every word. You can do so much better. And you will! But only if you cut him off. He's not a friend.

He sounds like a complete wanker. Lifes too short to work this hard, get rid. He can go and be a tortured artist/manipulative tosser somewhere else.