Need help

[Sharetheheart]

Hello, I’m a mother of three lovely children. I’m married and I’m seriously thinking of ending it. He is deep down a good man . He has never hit me but when we argue , he calls me names , says such hurtful things, and mimics me taking the piss out of me . He then goes into a mood for days and this really effects the family . Once over , for years , I would beg, and cry , and then get annoyed at him because he wouldn’t talk about the argument , reason with each other and move on . So nothings ever gets solved . He would wait till I was so annoyed and then blame me and the cycle would start again . It would spoil so many times as a family .
I can’t give too much detail as someone may identify.
He is so good in many other ways .
He really struggles with compassion , with the children and myself and get very defensive so easily.
I just don’t know what to do ! I have tried for years n years to talk to him but I can’t . He can be so verbally nasty when he is on one . I wouldn’t mind so much if he the came and apologised as I understand we can all say things when we angry , hurt , etc but he never shows any remorse. Is this normal in a marriage? How can we improve our marriage if we can’t talk about it ? I don’t want a divorce but I can’t take anymore, what should I do ?

So glad you are beginning to see the light O.P. You have had a lot of great information and advice on here, and it will take a while to digest. You have been trained by your partner to be in a state of confusion due to his nice and then nasty treatment and this makes it very hard to see clearly. As a previous poster suggested, do read 'Why does he do that' by Lundy Bancroft and keep posting on here for support. You sound like a lovely kind person and you deserve so much better.

Thankyou for your comments and to Attila too . Very helpful. I rang women’s aid today which were very helpful , I was struggling to get my words out because I didn’t know what to say . It’s hard to describe with being so confused about the situation. I’m started to doubt myself again tonight . Is he this bad ! Is it intentional ! Am I just being too sensitive ! Is it a lot of my fault ! Should I try again to change the way I am with him so hopefully he ll change ! Am I asking / needing for just too much affection (I hardly get any) . If I worked harder on my own self esteem and confidence, would it change us ! … I sound like a wreck don’t I , but I’m not really . I’m very sane , understanding, rational, etc , I don’t drink very often now at all , my party days are gone … we had a big row last week and he’s not spoke to me yet . Acting around the house as if he’s happy . I would normally be begging him by now to reason with each other and move on but he said such horrible things to me I’m not this time , I’m letting him get on with his stone walling , and power trip . I’m focusing on the children . I c add my even be in the same room as him atm .

I can’t be even in the same room as him atm

@Sharetheheart Hello OP how are you doing?

Book yourself a four week vacation in Greece or somewhere else warm and relaxing. Just have a break from each other. Don't give him any advance warning. Make your plans, book your trip and call him from the airport as you are about to board. Don't say where you are going or where you will be staying. Tell him you're having a holiday and will be back in a month - and hang up.