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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What does this mean on What'sApp

46 replies

Alifeinaday · 03/03/2023 00:58

Just trying to make sense of something so wanted the opinion of the MumsNet hive !

Been chatting to a guy on WhatsApp for about a week. Met him on an online dating site and met in person a few days ago. He seems lovely checks out in terms of what he has told me about himself but there is something that is just niggling at me

When we are messaging in the evening, think constant stream of messages,whilst watching TV, back and forth, this really weird thing happens . He is online, then typing a Reply then goes off line straight after for 2-3 minutes. Then comes back online, responds - goes off line again. I don't understand why he would be offline between messages ?

Am I being too suspicious? Or am I missing something ?

OP posts:
Justawaterformeplease · 03/03/2023 01:00

Ummm…. He’s not on his phone in between messaging you? I don’t understand how this can be suspicious in any way!

BotherThat · 03/03/2023 01:02

I reply to WA messages, then close the app and put my phone down.

Lavender14 · 03/03/2023 01:02

Maybe he's watching something on his phone and is switching between apps. You are over thinking this I'm afraid.

PleaseStopSayingHuBbY · 03/03/2023 01:03

I don't stay online. I go back to what I'm doing. I also think it's odd if another person stays online whilst I'm typing. Like just give me a sec to get my thoughts in order!

SamE1995 · 03/03/2023 01:03

Maybe he comes off WhatsApp so when you message he can pull the notifications tab down and read the message before opening it.

I do this, it's became a bad habit 🙈

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 03/03/2023 01:03

Online means he has WhatsApp open and is using it. He was probably distracted or multi taking during those messages so switching between the app and other things.
Nothing suspicious.

GoAgainstNicki · 03/03/2023 01:03

???😂

He sounds exactly like me. I’ll open Whatsapp, respond to a message and go off straight away. When they message again, I’ll then open it, respond and come off once more.

Not everyone wants to sit with the chat open on their phone just waiting for a response. Not sure why it’s suspicious that he doesn’t stay on the app eagerly waiting for a response from you? You can still have an instant back and forth conversation without him having to stay on the app 24/7

GoAgainstNicki · 03/03/2023 01:05

PleaseStopSayingHuBbY · 03/03/2023 01:03

I don't stay online. I go back to what I'm doing. I also think it's odd if another person stays online whilst I'm typing. Like just give me a sec to get my thoughts in order!

Yep this😂 give me a bloody chance!

I’ve now turned my Online visibility off so now there’s no pressure

Hawkins003 · 03/03/2023 01:05

@Alifeinaday could also depending on the internet connection

Original poster
Alifeinaday · 03/03/2023 01:07

Ok thanks everyone I think I'm probably just over thinking it. I wondered if he was closing it down between messages as maybe he didn't want someone else to see, but obviously that is not what most MumsNetters think so I am probably over thinking it - thanks so much

OP posts:
TulaDoesTheHula · 03/03/2023 01:08

I’m doing the exact same thing right now!

I’m messaging my partner & then coming straight onto mumsnet to browse, when he replies I will get a notification & will go back on WhatsApp to read his message / respond & then come back here while I wait for his next message.

It’s just multitasking.

TulaDoesTheHula · 03/03/2023 01:12

I wondered if he was closing it down between messages as maybe he didn't want someone else to see

You can turn the online function off now so if that was the case, I’m sure he would just do that.

Zanatdy · 03/03/2023 06:39

Do you just keep it open? I don’t ever. I just go back to something else online, mumsnet; Facebook, reading the news etc until the next message comes in. Isn’t this how most people do it? I mean it could mean he doesn’t want someone to see it, or he’s just not sitting there with it open waiting which as I say I think is what most people do.

Paperexcelandpens · 03/03/2023 06:55

I never sit and wait for messages. I always think it looks a bit sad like you've got nothing better to do!

GreyCarpet · 03/03/2023 06:58

I close down WA between messages. Partly because I don't want to appear that I expect an immediate response because I don't because I don't want to get caught up in hours long messaging marathons.

If he frequently goes offline mid typing and them resumes a few minutes later, I'd say that's because someone has come into the room and he doesn't want them to know he's messaging someone else.

GreyCarpet · 03/03/2023 06:59

TulaDoesTheHula · 03/03/2023 01:12

I wondered if he was closing it down between messages as maybe he didn't want someone else to see

You can turn the online function off now so if that was the case, I’m sure he would just do that.

That function doesn't work if the other person you're worried about seeing it walks into the room you're in at the time though 🤷🏻‍♀️

SomeareDeluded · 03/03/2023 08:14

Maybe check out if he really is single before dating more, if you're so concerned.

Daffodilsandbeer · 03/03/2023 08:18

Wow. I’ve no words. That’s perfectly normal behaviour. Why are you tracking him so much, are you ok?

KateAusten · 03/03/2023 08:22

Ahh, another stalker on the stalker app

Lookingoutside · 03/03/2023 08:23

I’m not sure you should be dating or looking to date if messaging on WhatsApp has you like this.

Depending on what you’re looking for, dating can be an absolute mindfuck. You have to know yourself very well and not be seeking validation from men.

Maybe step back? It might be an idea to find out why you’re so anxious at this point in an interaction.

pizzaHeart · 03/03/2023 08:25

My DD flickes the app up straight after her message and it’s closing. So if it says online for her I know she is reading my message or typing hers.

WaddleAway · 03/03/2023 08:25

I’m confused… don’t you leave WhatsApp after you’ve sent a message? Or do you just sit with it open looking at it until you get a reply?
I close WhatsApp after sending a message. Open it if I get a message, or if I’m typing a message. What do you do OP?

gannett · 03/03/2023 08:28

The weird behaviour is monitoring someone's online status. Why are you doing that?

Online/offline doesn't mean much. If I'm using WA on my phone I'll sometimes close the app even though I'm still on my phone and "available". On the other hand if I'm using WA web it'll show I'm online if my laptop's still on, even if I haven't been sat at it for an hour.

Glitteratitar · 03/03/2023 08:34

Wow…maybe you’re not ready to date if something so simple and ordinary makes you this paranoid?

namechange3394 · 03/03/2023 08:56

Do you really just sit there with Whatsapp open until you get a reply? Doesn't your phone screen switch off after a while anyway?

I agree with others, if you're this paranoid you shouldn't be dating.

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