Stbxw calling boyfriend, what is 'normal'?

[ruddygreattiger]

Hi all,
Bit of background which is a bit long which I apologise for!
My bf and I have been together for 3 years this month, we don't live together yet.
He is still married at the moment, however the divorce is finally drawing to an end 6 years after they split. His ex has been actively avoiding engaging with the financial side of the divorce until recently and I've seen messages, letters etc that prove this.
She is an alcoholic, this I one of the reasons they split and since then she seems to be on a collision course to trash every relationship with friends and family.
They have 2 kids together, a teenager and a 10 Yr old.
Bf and his ex obviously keep in touch regarding the kids and custody is shared, however social services have been involved on more than one occasion because of her drinking.
Whereas their contact used to be text only, over the past 18 months she has started calling him sometimes ending up in hysterics on the phone and totally pissed.
Any issue she appears to completely breakdown and then calls bf, this has happened increasingly regularly lately, every couple of days, sometimes it's about the kids but sometimes not, just crying saying she's a fuck up, rambling etc.
Any argument she has with the kids she calls him to cry about it.
Anyway, this has been going on again almost every day this week and I said to bf last night that he doesn't have to answer her calls, and doesn't have to stay on the phone for ages listening to her either - his response was that he does have to answer her calls and texts as it could be about the kids, which I understand, but when is it all too much?
For any ladies out there with partners/husbands sharing kids with an alcoholic ex how do you cope with the drama?
I'm being made to feel like I'm a cow for saying it's making me feel really insecure in our relationship, we are supposed to be moving in together and I don't know how to handle it if she's constantly making her presence felt. I'm not a jealous person, or am I???? Should I just suck it up?

He won't do it now because he doesn't want to manage his kids on his own.
At best he wants you to push for it when you move in together and take responsibility for them.
It would be more simple than you think for him to have the family home back and his children if what he wanted was his kids well-being and safety above all.
The wife being a crazy alcoholic that you just have to put up with so you dont upset the kids is a convenient excuse when you don't actually want to be the solo resident parent.

I'm obviously not privy to any of the interactions she has with ss, bf has asked them on numerous occasions to remove the kids and to give him residency but admittedly that is what he has told me.
All I know is there seems to be nothing tangible that results from it aside from AA. She has attended numerous times but doesn't continue with treatment for very long.

I am fully prepared for our relationship to go tits up. At the end of the day me offering to set us all up in a house where his kids can live permanently is too simplistic and that's down to him to sort out.
I have raised my own dc to adulthood as a single parent, work full time and taking on all the extra responsibility of him, his kids and his current situation is terrifying.
Thank you for all of the constructive comments.

I'm going to be honest, I would have no tolerance with a parent who was that wishy washy about his kids. He asked social services to let him have them but sadly, they didn't so what can you do? The answer to that is, not be a pathetic arsehole waiting for someone else to sort your kids out. You don't leave your children with an alcoholic and if social services want to do something about it, they can see you in court.

What kind of self respecting adult could be such an abject, useless waste of space as a parent - unless it suits them?

And of course the kids feel closer to their mother and defend her - she's actually the one who's doing the vast majority of the parenting and, for all her issues, wasn't the one to leave them to fend for themselves as best they can.

Addiction is an illness. Being a lazy dad isn't. I could not have enough respect for a parent like this, to be in a romantic relationship with them.

'Bf just toes the line.'

Those poor children.

This hits the nail on the head, he is happy to consider the kids moving in once he has another woman to do the work for him. He really isn’t a good dad.

My bf's dd is 13, mine are adult. Bf and his wife share parenting 50:50 and have had a lot of trouble with her lately - she has a group of new friends and has started doing things like vanishing off late at night, not answering the phone. So bf and exw have obviously had to phone a lot - sometimes much more than the once a day you mention. Sometimes she phones just for a rant, and there's often a long series of messages.
We've been together 6 years but not living together - that has always been our choice. I have not taken on any responsibility for him, his dd or their situation. Many of the things they do, I'd handle differently - but it's none of my business so I keep it zipped. I respect my bf, and I'm fine not living with him, not getting involved. Although bf clearly has to prioritise his dd, he always thinks of me too. If I wasn't happy I'd be off. Sounds like that is a choice you have to make.

Ahh, so he’ll do it once he has a new woman installed to do all the difficult parenting stuff for him? He’s a terrible father, so I hope you aren’t planning kids with him.