Hello lovely people, hope you can help :)
My partner & I have been together for 18 months. I hide absolutely nothing from him, we've a good relationship and I trust him. We don't live together but are in touch a lot during the day and see each other 2/3 times a week, stay over etc.
I was single for a long time when we met and he had been split from his ex for 3 years. It just fizzled out with his ex and he stopped loving her. She had health problems that affected their relationship (intimately and otherwise). They were together for 5 years. Just the other day when he was at mine he went for a lie down and I plugged his phone in to charge it and......don't ask me why....... I looked at his messages. I know, I know !!!! I admit it was completely wrong of me. I'm completely ashamed at myself for doing it. I just don't know why I did......curiosity perhaps ?
Anyway, I found a message from his ex. It was from 4 weeks ago. The first message was from him saying 'I had a missed call, everything ok?' I know she had health issues and so did her mum but my heart sank that he was so ok about her being in touch. Then she texts him saying her mum had a rough year last year and it's been making her think about those who are precious to her and how he keeps popping into her mind and she thinks of him often. She then sent him a funny animated video saying this is what reminds her of their relationship. She also said 'tell me if you don't want me to bother you again'. He replies saying 'I still try to think of all the good times too' (in relation to the funny animation).
Now last year both of my long term exes tried to get in touch with me and I freaked out a bit. I told him about them and showed him their messages. He asked if I wanted him to message them and tell them I was with him now (and to back off). I blocked one and sent the other a long email saying I had moved on and was happy now. They haven't been in touch since.
So now comes the problems. I'm wondering why he hasn't deleted or blocked his ex's number - I know they ended amicably, but still, he's with me now and I don't have my ex's numbers in my phone, as I said above. Why didn't he tell her 'he hopes she's ok but he's moved on and he's with me now' ? Why has he kept the messages ? And probably the most important issue of all - why hasn't he told me about her being in touch ? After I told him about my exes last year he was the one who wanted to tell them I'd moved on with him !! Why isn't he doing the same for me ? Does he still hold a torch for her, still love her ? Does he think about her often and the good times ? Is he keeping his options open ? Has she been in touch before ? Is he needing an ego boost - he's with me but his ex still thinks about him a lot and is still in touch without me knowing ?
Oh and there was another message from a woman saying 'how about meeting for a coffee/drink' - don't worry, I think that was from an old flatmate, but the problem with that one is he hasn't told me about that message either !!!
I know how it all sounds, trust me, I read it back. Makes me look like a paranoid and untrusting freak, but I'm not. Am I really being a complete idiot ? And how can I possibly bring this up and discuss it with him when I looked in his phone in the first place !! Eeek. Got myself into a right old mess I know, but any advice would be very welcome on how to approach/deal with this. It'll only eat away at me if I can't bring it up and I can't trust him and he hides things from me. It gets me thinking, what else is he hiding, that isn't in his phone........ Relationships are hard lol
Sorry for the long-winded message. Thank you for reading this far :)