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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What is "normal" at 1 year?

11 replies

nc1013 · 28/02/2023 19:42

Just looking for views on what is a normal relationship progression.....

Been with my bf for just over a year and really enjoy spending time with him. My past relationships have moved fast (too fast!).

For example, I met my exH loved together after 3 months, engaged after 10 months then married at 2 years. We were together for 10 years and had a Dd then he cheated and we split up. Probably a good example of things moving too fast!!

My current bf is my first proper relationship since exH and I'm struggling with what to expect. I have strong feelings for him and he says he does too but it feels very slow/casual and it's making me doubt his feelings as it doesn't feel like it's going anywhere.

The part I'm struggling with is where I'd actually like it to go at the moment - obviously with having a young Dd I can't think about moving in together etc but I don't feel he would want this anyway.

I guess it feels like it's not going anywhere or progressing but I'm struggling with why I feel like this when I don't know what would be reasonable to expect?

OP posts:
Mabelface · 28/02/2023 19:46

There's no rush. It's still a young relationship and you can just enjoy it for how it is now.

Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 19:49

It’s only been a year. Slow right down and think about what you really want. Just enjoy the relationship as it goes and stop worrying about the future. You have a daughter, you shouldn’t be rushing in to anything. Focus on your future w her and if your bf comes along for ride then great.

TheNefariousTIG · 28/02/2023 19:53

3 years in and not living together. Im divorced with kids. Its been very easy going and fun, but also very loving. The depth has built over time and I love that. At this stage with exH we were married and I dont think we knew each other anywhere near as well as I know my bf.
I like having my space after years with a man who drove me nuts, I’m certain this one is for life, so I’m taking the time to enjoy the early stages.
i’d say a year is still very early days…esp if you have kids.

category12 · 28/02/2023 19:56

I think maybe think about what's the root of your anxiety?

Is it that he doesn't seem as into you as you'd like? Is he consistent or is he flakey? Does he say he loves you/ do you feel like he does?

Or is it something from you - do you not feel like you can believe him or that you're not really loveable or enough?

BibbleandSqwauk · 28/02/2023 22:19

Who cares what's "normal"? If you're both happy with things, and you don't feel that being in this relationship is stopping you from doing anything else, just go with it. I've been with dp for 7 years. No desire to blend families or step parent so we see each other around our parenting. It's just for us, it's great.

username1722 · 28/02/2023 22:22

There is no "normal". Everyone is different, and every relationship is different.

However, you do need to work out what it is that YOU want. If you're feeling unsatisfied in any way, you need to figure out why. There is no point in even having the conversation with him if you don't know what you want yourself.

Goatbilly · 01/03/2023 01:19

Why does it need to be going "somewhere" for it to be a proper relationship? Before you clearly wanted marriage and children, which is probably why the relationship escalated in that direction. If you're no longer interested in those "milestones" why can't you enjoy the feelings and relationship as it is now?

Does your partner not want his own biological child(ren), or has them already?

Livelifelaughter · 01/03/2023 10:54

I think that when people are starting out in life relationships are a bit of a train, meet someone, live together, marry, children. When you're older there's less of a set path and it can feel like long term dating.

Original poster
nc1013 · 01/03/2023 12:01

Goatbilly · 01/03/2023 01:19

Why does it need to be going "somewhere" for it to be a proper relationship? Before you clearly wanted marriage and children, which is probably why the relationship escalated in that direction. If you're no longer interested in those "milestones" why can't you enjoy the feelings and relationship as it is now?

Does your partner not want his own biological child(ren), or has them already?

Thanks everyone! It doesn't need to "go somewhere" as such. I'm happy spending time with him. I guess it's just so different to what I've experienced in the past and I've never been in this type of situation before

OP posts:
Original poster
nc1013 · 01/03/2023 12:01

You're all right. I just need to relax and enjoy it

OP posts:
tanjaav · 01/03/2023 12:56

Have you been together 2 years or 1 year? Are you expecting a child together? Just your other post from a few days ago tells a different story:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4745720-help-me-understand

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