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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Accused of Cheating. Then Dumped By Text

59 replies

neverknowwhattoput · 26/02/2023 21:27

Hi everyone! I am new here and would love some advise as I am a bit heartbroken and need some support. And to be honest, I just need to get this out of my system.

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months. We were seeing each other almost everyday and it was going great. He was talking about futures, marriage, kids, moving in with each other etc.... and I wanted it all with him and started to plan for it.

Fast forward to this month, I went on holiday with family (This was planned before we met and he was okay with it) But when I came back, he seemed off and distant. Then yesterday I get a text saying .... I've heard you had a great time on holiday with another guy. We are over. Don't contact me ever again.

I am so blindsided. I have never even looked at another guy since meeting him let alone cheated on him! I tried to tell him this and he just replied. Leave me alone. Then blocked me.

I'm heartbroken. I have no idea where he's got this idea from. He's been cheated on in the past and I've always made sure to reassure him I would never, ever do this. I've been hurt too and we've always had such an honest relationship.

I have no idea what to do. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm literally the most softest, kindness women you could ever meet. And he loved that about me. How could he think I would do this? Do you think there is something going on that I don't know about? I just don't understand how you can go from loving someone to cutting them off so abruptly.

OP posts:
Catoo · 26/02/2023 23:55

Sorry OP. This is shitty. I had an ex who would do this kind of thing. It’s designed to put you on the back foot. To punish you for doing something without them. To make you worry about going out with friends again. Don’t be surprised if he does get in touch in a few weeks, saying he’s now heard it wasn’t true (after he gets dumped by someone else).

I doubt someone has stirred here, his response is too extreme. And since you know there is no evidence anyone could have given him you know he couldn’t possibly be this certain.

I agree with everyone else who has said you’ve had a lucky escape.

Block, delete, get in touch with friends and get your calendar booked up! Good luck x

RedDeath614 · 26/02/2023 23:56

Also, as other posters have said, he's projecting onto you his own behaviour. How do you know he's been cheated on? Because he told you? Sorry but you need independent evidence now. To me it looks like he's a serial cheat himself and I'd put money on the fact that he was the cheat in his past relationships, not his girlfriends.

Peckhaminn · 26/02/2023 23:58

Maybe a guilty conscience and he's the one whose cheated and projecting it into you, or he just wants to split up but been a complete arse about it

IHaveNoSpecialTalent · 26/02/2023 23:59

Lucky escape! Onwards and upwards without this muppet

DidyouNO · 27/02/2023 00:19

My only experience of this is when my exh started cheating is when he suddenly started accusing me of cheating. I thought it really bizarre, even ludicrously funny at first. Then I realised it was because he was cheating and projecting. I think you need to hold your head high and proudly move on. Good luck op.

Chattycatty · 27/02/2023 00:24

Just be careful he doesn't come creeping back. Anyone who cuts you off without letting you speak isn't worth a damn. Remember how bewildered and shocked you are right now and if he comes back remember how he made you feel.

ireallyliketheboy · 27/02/2023 00:42

It sounds like he's making it up as an excuse to dump you. Sorry!

CallieQ · 27/02/2023 01:16

He sounds nuts you are well rid of him

Neighbour23 · 27/02/2023 01:35

Either he's cheated while you were away or he can't get over himself.

I would find my anger and would not want this man back if he comes crawling.

Maybe he's trying to punish you for going away.

I couldn't be doing with reassuring an insecure person all the time. You'll be walking on eggshells. It has the potential to be controlling and abusive.

How outrageous to treat you like that!

Carlycat · 27/02/2023 01:41

He's cheated and is finding an excuse to dump you. You've dodged a bullet there

Monty27 · 27/02/2023 01:42

The smell I get is that he's cheated in your absence.
I'd call it a day anyway. It's not a good foundation for the future whatever his reasons are.

ItsTrueLou · 27/02/2023 01:55

Don't chase him he's not worth it. I get that this hurts and you feel awful. Do you really want to deal with this every time you go out alone? With him this is what life would be like

Aquamarine1029 · 27/02/2023 01:59

You haven't figured out yet how lucky you are. His mask slipped before you wasted too much time on him. Consider yourself lucky and move on. Never, ever engage with this twat again.

TheDogthatDug · 27/02/2023 08:13

He's done you a massive favour. If he is accusing you of cheating based on nothing imagine what it would be like in the future; not being able to go out with friends, talking with male colleagues etc. He would be accusing you of all sorts and you would be having to justify your every move. Nah, forget about him and move on, don't chase him.

AlisonDonut · 27/02/2023 08:14

What you need to learn in life, is that every accusation is a confession.

Original poster
neverknowwhattoput · 27/02/2023 09:29

Thank you everyone. You are helping me massively. I really appreciate your words. ❤

I am currently in the anger stage at the moment. I am angry at him, and angry at myself for believing his bullcrap.

I am going to take this relationship as a massive lesson. Right now, I feel like I'll never want to, but if I do eventually date again, I will know some warning signs to look out for and I will not trust so quickly. I feel a bit naïve. I have never heard of this love bombing or future faking before, but will watch out for it in the future.

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 27/02/2023 13:20

I'm so sorry this happened to you, OP.

TicketBoo23 · 27/02/2023 13:30

It's an excuse to end the relationship.

He's a love bomber as well.

He's batshit and it's much better you're free of him after only 5 months .... You could be pregnant or have his kids and he could dump you. Plenty of examples of that on here.

gamerchick · 27/02/2023 13:33

He's done you a favour OP. Brush him off your boots and move on.

CatalinaV · 27/02/2023 13:50

I think you should wait for some days and after send him a message (maybe from another number) saying to him something like "Everything is in your imagination. You are behaving extremely unreasonable. Will be waiting for you response for the next 7 days. If you don't respond will have to move on"
Sometimes people have issues with separation (I mean the fact that you left for holidays) and overreact.

Cancankan · 27/02/2023 14:05

Could someone you know have contacted him told you him you cheated? There are always posts on here with people wanting to meddle in relationships. If cheating was a big issue for him in the past he might not want to go through it again if he believes the other person.

Mom2K · 27/02/2023 14:05

Absolutely do NOT send him any kind of message trying to defend yourself and giving him any opportunity to to come back and have a conversation with you. Because what would that achieve? If you get back together with him, you are saying that you will accept and forgive this behaviour. Someone who can dump you without cause (and it is without cause. You have not cheated and there isn't any actual evidence to me him think it either) and not even let you say anything about it is abusive. I agree with the others - it was my initial thought that he was future faking and wanted to dump you anyway and has used this as an easy excuse or he has cheated and is projecting.

I wouldn't waste my energy sending him anything but if I was going to it would be along the lines of:

Dear coward,

I know that you have no foundatuon whatsoever to accuse me of cheating, because I haven't. So the fact that you've done this and blocked me leads me to believe that actually you're the one who has cheated and/or you decided to make this up instead of having a proper adult conversation about why you want to break up.

Thank you for showing me who you really are - the type of man I DON'T want to be with. Once you realize how stupid you've been, don't bother getting back in touch. I don't date lying cowards.

bjrce · 27/02/2023 14:56

Agree with earlier post - Don't ever contact him again - For such an extreme reaction, he sounds unhinged. You are literally coming home from your holiday probably looking forward to meeting up with the boyfriend and his attacks came out of nowhere.
Problem with these kind of guys, they are never in the wrong, so don't waste your energy trying to convince him otherwise. He's just not worth it.

Thing is: He was probably jealous and angry you went off on holiday and got it into his head that you're off cheating.

He sounds nuts. I would be angry; angry that it took me 5 months to find out what an arse-hole he was.

He's done you a massive favour.

Catoo · 27/02/2023 15:44

CatalinaV · 27/02/2023 13:50

I think you should wait for some days and after send him a message (maybe from another number) saying to him something like "Everything is in your imagination. You are behaving extremely unreasonable. Will be waiting for you response for the next 7 days. If you don't respond will have to move on"
Sometimes people have issues with separation (I mean the fact that you left for holidays) and overreact.

God no

Oldraver · 27/02/2023 16:30

Do not contact him again, he has told you not too and it could be seen as harassment