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Original poster

Smothering me

68 replies

Alicew00 · 26/02/2023 11:00

An ex of mine assaulted me after months of wanting him to show me love. He was hard to cope with, and ended up showing me how unloved I was.
I stayed single for a year and my friend introduced me to her guy friend. I was unsure whether to give him a chance but I got to know him...he's a sweet person, always showing love and is there for me no matter what. But he's smothering me. Keeps saying he loves over and over each day and saying I'm the beautiful woman in the world(I don't believe it) trying to have sex but he never finishes he's either tired or too hot to go on, he follows me round the house when I'm going to get a break.
Keeps saying I'm going to marry you and that he would move in now if he could (7 months together). And he keeps leaving a mess at the side of his bed and not helping properly with housework when he's off work and I am at work.

I joke with him and say stop being cheesy but he still annoys me. I love him and he's sweet but I can't it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alicew00 · 26/02/2023 16:36

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 26/02/2023 16:39

Alicew00 · 26/02/2023 16:20

I feel bad because I've wasted his time. It's only come up on me that I'm angry at him as the last few days he's been off work, he stayed in bed all day and didn't even do the pots. He took one bag of rubbish out and then said he can't put a new bin bag in the bin then back to bed to watch tv. He's sat there eating my food now and it's annoying me. The way he walks and looks at me and I think please don't come near me.
It's so creepy. On our date on valentine's I got him a card and presents. He said I didn't get you anything because I'm taking you out for dinner.
I've introduced my family to a couple of bfs the last couple of years but they ended up being abusive or Cheaters.

You've no more wasted his time than he's wasted yours.

For crying out loud, ditch the manbaby, & get yourself some well-deserved therapy. Flowers

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 26/02/2023 16:40

He shares a flat with his best friend and said he doesn't want to leave him in the lurch so he'll wait til September to move in :-/

Cheeky so and so. Tell him this is your house/flat and you get to decide who moves in or who doesn't. Or just bin him off. Preferably the latter.

He and this 'friend' of yours really saw you coming, didn't they?

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 26/02/2023 16:41

He shares a flat with his best friend and said he doesn't want to leave him in the lurch so he'll wait til September to move in :-/

😂😂😂
Will he indeed.
FFS OP, give him the elbow by March.

You don't love him, you can hardly stand him being near you.
Why on earth you feel the need to translate that into "love" for the needy little twat needs exploring in therapy. I'm not joking.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 26/02/2023 16:42

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/02/2023 16:29

He's already abusing you. He's just doing it in the way that you can be lied to and told that you're being cruel and abusive to poor little, defenceless him.

You haven't wasted his time. He has stolen yours, just as he's stolen your money (the food you paid for, the heating, the council tax bill), your effort, your body, everything.

Fuck him back off to his best friend's (bet he'll announce that his best friend has decided to move a girlfriend or other friend in/the landlord wants to sell/there's a flood, fire or other disaster that renders his room uninhabitable) and completely and utterly cut him off.

He'll resist and be clingier than the facehuggers from Alien. Because he's got a sniff of a cushy life. But you need to do it now.

Mooncup's right - he is abusing you under the guise of NiceGuyTM.

InBedBy10 · 26/02/2023 16:46

Why do you say you love him when you clearly can't stand him?

End it now OP.

RememberNancyDrew · 26/02/2023 16:47

Take control of your life!
Just because a man "likes" you doesn't mean you have to "like" him back.
People will take you as far as you let them and this one will move in before you even realize what happened.

Original poster
Alicew00 · 26/02/2023 16:52

I'll end it.
Yesterday he called me an angry little so and so..... Because I said I need a break from a certain food he keeps trying to get me to eat because it's the only thing he can cook. Was still gross. Lol

OP posts:
HowRatherGolly · 26/02/2023 16:57

I am sorry but you are more concerned about how you may have wasted his time rather than him using you.

He may be a gods gift to women, pretty boy and all that, but what he is doing is creepy. Do not think that you OWN him a dedicated life with you. No, its 2023 not 1912. Women have choices now. So choose wisely or you will end up with a man who moves out of his flat share, leaves you to all the housework, the children you may have, demanding sex on plate whenever, and once he has had his serving will be jogging off to the next woman who he feels may serve him better. eww, just take control, its YOUR life.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 26/02/2023 16:58

Well done Alice.

I am long in the tooth, & expected he would show his true colours sooner or later.

Thank your lucky stars it's sooner. Your determination to be "in love" with this twat was extremely worrying. I suspect you also felt you owed it to your "friend", who was so intent on pimping you out to the loser. Or felt that society demands you be coupled up, or any other such nonsense.

Please get some therapy for the assault you endured, & embrace being single for a year. Flowers

perfectcolourfound · 26/02/2023 17:03

I'm so pleased you're ending it @Alicew00

You said

he stayed in bed all day and didn't even do the pots. He took one bag of rubbish out and then said he can't put a new bin bag in the bin then back to bed to watch tv. He's sat there eating my food now and it's annoying me. The way he walks and looks at me and I think please don't come near me.
It's so creepy.

This is not love. This is a lazy, selfish arse of a man, and your gut telling you he's wrong for you.

You don't have to go out with someone because they turn up at your door! You don't have to stay with someone you don't like that much just because you once said you'd go out with them. Staying with someone because they're good looking is a terrible reason.

He sounds awful.... lazy, entitled, controlling, demanding, self-centred, love-bombing, bullying.... where do I stop?

He will get worse if you don't make the break now.

And a good rule for life - if you don't actively want to go out with someone, don't. If you don't want to be with someone, leave. If someone doesn't make your life better (or makes it worse), dump.

Nanny0gg · 26/02/2023 17:07

Alicew00 · 26/02/2023 13:01

I did want to stay single but he turned up at my house and text me wanted to talk. My friend told him not to give up. I like his company. I just don't know why I don't feel that romantic feeling.

So why do you say you love him when you clearly don't?

Do you not think you need to be on your own for a while?

Nanny0gg · 26/02/2023 17:08

Alicew00 · 26/02/2023 13:03

I didn't want to miss out on the chance of being with someone so nice as well as good-looking

Maybe you need to broaden the criteria a bit?

Original poster
Alicew00 · 26/02/2023 17:17

I spoke to someone else about this and they said that's men they're lazy and childish

OP posts:
HowRatherGolly · 26/02/2023 17:23

OP you seem more concerned that you have wasted his time, which you have not btw, than what he is doing to you. He may look like a god gift to women, all pretty and that, but the behaviours he is displaying is worrying.

He is seeing in you a great woman because you have your own place, you have a job, so you will be a provider, it has nothing to do with love. Any man who has a good moral will not want to tell you when he is moving in, that you ARE going to marry him, and all that sounds really controlling tbh. Wake up, its not 1912 anymore, you do have choices. And you dont own an explanation as to why you choose to not be his GF, no explanation needed at all, you also do not own your friend one, so please take back some control before its out of control.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/02/2023 17:24

I would echo the comments re you seeking therapy and not dating until your protective shark cage aka boundaries are rebuilt to a much higher standard.

I also think you need to widen your social circle as your current friends are doing you no favours at all, particularly the person who put this walking red flag man onto you. And no, not all men are lazy and childish, that person has picked lazy and or childish men to be in a relationship with. Other people treat us how we think we deserve to be treated.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 26/02/2023 17:32

He is shit in bed, lazy and planning to be your forever cocklodger, bin him now.

Alcemeg · 26/02/2023 17:34

Alicew00 · 26/02/2023 16:52

I'll end it.
Yesterday he called me an angry little so and so..... Because I said I need a break from a certain food he keeps trying to get me to eat because it's the only thing he can cook. Was still gross. Lol

Ugh! Revolting. And not the first indication that this is just the honeymoon stage of an abusive relationship.

Why on earth did your "friend" tell him not to give up?

Make sure, when you dump this complete arsehole, that you also warn your friend not to encourage him to stalk you.

You have nothing to gain from this and everything to lose.

Good luck!

Original poster
Alicew00 · 26/02/2023 17:45

Wow I really didn't think I was with a complete waste of space this time around. I really do need to be alone. I'm going to get counselling also

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 26/02/2023 17:49

And tell your 'friend' you can find your own partner in future as their judgement is so crap!!

knittingaddict · 26/02/2023 17:54

Alicew00 · 26/02/2023 17:17

I spoke to someone else about this and they said that's men they're lazy and childish

Rubbish. Not all of them by any means. My husband isn't either of those things and neither are our daughter's partners.

Why are you even listening to your friends about this? I don't understand.

Oohoohwee · 26/02/2023 17:55

Alicew00 · 26/02/2023 13:01

I did want to stay single but he turned up at my house and text me wanted to talk. My friend told him not to give up. I like his company. I just don't know why I don't feel that romantic feeling.

It doesn’t matter why, just move on.

None of us will just magically fall for every person who moons round after us.

The aggressive neediness from him is also a huge 🚩He’s controlling, whatever you do don’t let him move in

piedbeauty · 26/02/2023 18:02

He can't have sex? That's odd too.

Op, you have the ick, and no wonder. This is meant to be your honeymoon period, but instead you can't stand him. Just finish things and move on.

Some counselling might be helpful.

Dery · 26/02/2023 18:02

“I would echo the comments re you seeking therapy and not dating until your protective shark cage aka boundaries are rebuilt to a much higher standard.

I also think you need to widen your social circle as your current friends are doing you no favours at all, particularly the person who put this walking red flag man onto you. And no, not all men are lazy and childish, that person has picked lazy and or childish men to be in a relationship with. Other people treat us how we think we deserve to be treated.”

This with bells on.

Original poster
Alicew00 · 26/02/2023 18:11

I will. I also didn't when he'd answer my question with a question. Last time he was at work he said he's staying at his so I asked if everything is okay as he said he was going to come to mine. Then he said do you want me to come to yours?
Ughhhhh

OP posts: