So sad it’s hit me this week I have no family or friends

[Theunordinary]

I realised this week I have nobody. No support network. I think I was aware but now that I need a support network the absence of one is hurting. I have my dh but he’s just one person and I don’t want to overburden him.

My DM is narcissistic and emotionally and physically abused me growing up . We are very very low contact.
My dsis was the golden child and they both feed off any misfortune I have so there’s no chance I could try to have any kind of relationship as they are grief vultures and get satisfaction from my pain.

I’ve always been isolated as am emotionally damaged and don’t have any friends also due to having a SEN child I just don’t fit in with anyone I come into contact with as my life is very different if that makes sense .

This week has been so hard. I feel physically unwell, stressed and scared. Anxious. Most of all lonely. I said to dh most people would call their mum or sister , most people would feel cared about and have offers of help with childcare I have none of this. He tries his best he is lovely but here I am on the internet needing words of kindness from strangers 😞

I think this has made me realise that undoubtedly something else will happen in future where I feel the same so once I’m recovered I need to take steps to build the support network around me that I need

I ment to say Breakthro was for families with SEN children,
I rember we did a appeal way back in 80s to seek more funding with children in need tv programme, charity telethon thing at that time too,

Hi Op@Theunordinary

I was just thinking could you possibly fit in at all around a interest/hobby around when husband is there too, or whilst your child is resting/sleep ?

I do online Art 🎨 classes ect
Eventbrite uk
It's called
It's good you find out about events online and sometimes face to face too.

I understand what you mean about female support. There are times when it has to be a woman yiu turn to. You say ur family have eroded the very basis of you. If you are possibly wavering sbd thinking of calling them,please don't. A solitary walk,an hour with a good book,even an hour relaxing in a bath would bring more benefits that toxic contact. I am not religious at all,however I know some churches might be offering warm spaces,perhaps you could volunteer there or at a food bank? I suppose it will be necessary to put yourself out there a bit like OLD but platonically? A search might result in activities local to you and from that you might meet like minded women. Good luck

Remember, it’s a two way street OP. Gently your expectations of friendship just seem to be about what you need, and other people being there for you. Do you have the capacity to do this for somebody else?

Dear Op,

Just wanted to say that l have felt very similar feelings to you.

You are not alone.

When l was married, l felt alone at key times. When my parents died l became painfully aware that apart from my husband l had no- one supportive to turn to.

Now my marriage is over, my two boys have moved 200 miles away, l can feel like an orphan. I do have friends but probably only meet up with one about once a month.

However l have worked hard to rebuild my life and have made an effort to join groups. If you love reading, a book club could work and maybe a film club.
Meetup is a great resource.

What l have found is these groups are not a replacement for having a loving supportive network of family and friends.

But they do provide me with a structure to my week, social contact and stimulation. I am busier so less prone to get really down.

As others have said on here, when you are ill, you need to focus on just recovering. I dread being ill on my own. It’s horrible.

But l do think it’s a bit of a myth - this idea of having an amazing network. I have only one work colleague who has that with her family. All my other friends do not.

Don’t be hard on yourself. Accept you are at a low ebb so very vulnerable to these painful feelings. You will pick up and have better weeks and then maybe make a plan to join something, even if it’s just online.

You are very much loved by your family.

You are where you are @Theunordinary with respect to your family. Accepting that and focusing your attention onto what you want yourself can change things. I’m in a similar situation but shifting the focus to being that parental figure that I lacked growing up and completely away from having any dependence on my family has enabled me to turn things around. I still have tonnes of issues, who doesn’t? But dealing with my family isn’t one of them?

My children have SEN and there are support groups out there with parents in a similar situation and they are invaluable for support with the SEN child. Also work and just long standing friendship groups are good too.

Feel the same, single mum to dd 10 with autism and life is very hard. My mum and sister who were very supportive have both died within the last 7 years. I have no friends or support network. I went for a meal out with some work colleagues last night and came home feeling utterly miserable. They both have their parents still as well as NT children who are doing things my dd will never too. So bloody hard.

Oh God, I so want to offer to be a female friend to all those on this thread who don't have any - I am in a similar position, in that I have only ever had one female support in my life, and that was my amazing Mum. Thank goodness I knew when she was alive (over a decade ago now) how lucky I was to have her as my Mum, she was the only person who truly loved me unconditionally, and went far beyond what should be expected of a dear Mum (or anyone else for that matter).

Despite having such a wonderful Mum, my childhood was less than wonderful due to what I now realise was a father with some quite serious mental health issues, and sadly he had had a childhood where the parent he adored died when he was still at primary school - his Dear Dad - and he always felt after that that his Mum preferred her elder son to him. So I have been very lucky as a grown woman, to have had my Dear Mum's support, but for over 10 years now, I have also had 'only' my DH, and when it is your DH that you are having problems with - nothing really major thank goodness, he tries his best as my carer these days - I have no-one to share that with.

I do have 2 very special Daughter-in-Laws who I love very much, but they are still very young themselves, and quite rightly, engulfed in their own family's lives, and they both have their own very loving Mum's, so I suppose like a very many other older Mumsnetters, once our Dear Mum's die, we no longer have any female support in our lives. Having said that, it has made me realise that I was the only really supportive female that my DM had in her life after her Dear Mum died (and her DM had unfortunately, quite a selfish streak, so I don't think that my Mum was supported to anywhere near the same extent as I was by mine), so I hope that I was good enough for my own DM.

Basically, I suppose that life is probably quite hard for many people, which is why I would love to be a supportive female friend to those who need one, but sadly I can't offer that, as my various illnesses/conditions mean that I am very unreliable, and reliability is the one constant that I think is necessary to be of any use to anyone else. So my heart goes out to anyone who needs that female support, and I hope that you can all build a good network of such, in the years to come.

I understand the need for female friendships and support, it’s completely different to the relationship with your partner and children. My Mum died over 20 years ago (far too young) and I still miss her, plus I’m an only child.

I have a few close female friends and I’ve had to make an effort to cultivate them, but they’ve been worthwhile.

Sending ❤to all those on hear who don't have friends / support, for whatever reason.

You deserve to have friends, and you deserve to have real life support. In the meantime, remember that MN is your community, full of people who want to talk and want to help.

And don't ever lose hope. Things can change really quickly. You have to be willing to put the effort in of course.... think creatively / get out and about / join groups... volunteering is brilliant in so many ways. Be open to meeting new people and experiencing new things.

Just because you feel isolated now, it doesn't mean it will always be like that. Sometimes you've been unlucky, or your circumstances have made retaining friendships hard, or you aren't very comfortable socially. But 'your people' are out there.

Try to realise everyone has felt alone at some point in there lives. It sounds like you have suffered some trauma in relation to your up bringing. You have had to exclude certain family members to keep your soul safe never feel ashamed of that. Having a special needs child is difficult because you are starved of self focus and time to a far greater extent than other parents. No matter how exhausted you feel ask your husband to care for your child and join something could be anything an evening class, an exercise group anything you can just go and give it a go. Even if you don't feel you make any friendships it will encourage your social confidence and open doors to future pastimes and freindships. Not all friends we make will be lifelong or even good for us, be patient take action to get yourself into the world even if once a week just as you not as mother or wife just you.
Experiences are key to growing in every area of life social interaction and self worth. Keep going and don't feel how your life is now is forever only you can change this be bold.