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Original poster

How do people with low/no sex drive date?

41 replies

TabooOfNoSex · 23/02/2023 11:57

Okey, please try to be kind, I know this is a taboo.

But I can’t be the only person in the world who doesn’t care about sex, bit still would like to find love and companionship.

So, how the hell does someone like me date?

Apps are useless, no secret most over there just want a quick leg over.
And in real life? I’m too scared to say I’m not into sex to men who do ask me out.
I’ve done it before and it always end horrible - been shoited all kinds of abuse, they were scar situations.

I don’t want to give up on hope that love can be real, but I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 23/02/2023 11:57

Try a dating site for asexual people?

Quitelikeit · 23/02/2023 11:58

Is it not called asexual?

I think there are sites

Nimbostratus100 · 23/02/2023 11:59

AVEN

Original poster
TabooOfNoSex · 23/02/2023 12:11

I don’t know if I’m asexual and also, I’ve read about it and went to a asexual board and it became very clear that many (most?) of them have sex. Like and want it.
As in some who is asexual themselves told me they wouldn’t be in a relationship without sex.

It was very confusing.

OP posts:
Crazycrazylady · 23/02/2023 12:54

Honestly I think you need to look at asexual
Boards again. The vast vast majority of people
On dating sites are looking for sexual relationships so you're wasting your time ( and theirs to be fair)

Original poster
TabooOfNoSex · 23/02/2023 13:02

I’ll have more look over there.

But, like I said, seems like they’re all the same 😅

Ohh, I don’t understand why this has to be so difficult.

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 23/02/2023 13:06

I agree with not bothering with dating sites all the men on them want sex that’s the main reason why they are on them. Think you need to try and look at asexual dating apps/sites

Spottycarousel · 23/02/2023 16:40

Make it very clear on your dating profile that you are seeking companionship and not a sexual relationship.

ShiverOfSharks · 23/02/2023 16:52

I'm really finding it pretty hard to believe that most people on dating sites specifically for asexual people say they want sexual relationships.

But ultimately if you want a relationship where you don't want to have sex or to have minimal sex, you need to be open about that up front so people know what a relationship with you involves.

SpinningFloppa · 23/02/2023 17:02

The trouble is you will still get sex pest messaging you even if you put that on, it’s like when you put on you only want a serious relationship yet men only looking for sex still message you, probably seeing it’s as a challenge 🙄

Mysticguru · 23/02/2023 17:47

Sounds like Aromantic to me.

Check with AVEN again.

Original poster
TabooOfNoSex · 23/02/2023 18:29

SpinningFloppa · 23/02/2023 17:02

The trouble is you will still get sex pest messaging you even if you put that on, it’s like when you put on you only want a serious relationship yet men only looking for sex still message you, probably seeing it’s as a challenge 🙄

Ugh, I think you’re right.

OP posts:
Original poster
TabooOfNoSex · 23/02/2023 18:30

Mysticguru · 23/02/2023 17:47

Sounds like Aromantic to me.

Check with AVEN again.

No, I want romantic relationship, so I can’t be aromantic.

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 23/02/2023 19:49

Seek out someone with erectile disfunction whom also wants love and romance.

I mean are you ok with kissing? Is it just full sex you don't want?

It's a complicated ask OP you are going to have to seek out niche.

Mysticguru · 23/02/2023 20:45

@TabooOfNoSex

Sorry autocorrect.......

Allo

Polis · 23/02/2023 20:52

Seek out someone with erectile disfunction whom also wants love and romance.

And pray that he never finds out about Viagra.

Zanatdy · 23/02/2023 20:52

I think dating sites aren’t the right place for you, as I expect a tiny percentage would be willing to get into a relationship with no sex from day 1. I agree with the asexual boards, try another one. That’s the best place as everyone knows what they are getting into.

ArcticSkewer · 23/02/2023 20:55

Qhat do they do? Pretend til they are married then say it's unfair to pressure for sex? Seems par for the course from stories here anyway

CrystalTripsWithAlistair · 23/02/2023 21:21

I hear you OP. This is a tough one. Let’s face it, it’s hard enough to find a good match anyway but if you add in being asexual as well (which only around 1% of the population are) it can feel pretty much impossible. I wish I had an answer.

This is from AVEN (which is not a dating site alas):

How do people with low/no sex drive date?
TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 23/02/2023 21:23

@Polis that made me chuckle.
Hope it's okay to have a laugh at that OP. I'm not laughing at your situ. I clicked the link as sounds v similar to a friend of mine but her lack of sexual appetite has origins in a particular circumstance.

LadyOfTheFliessssss · 23/02/2023 21:31

One of my friends is asexual and she really struggled for a long time to find a boyfriend who would stay with her. She has now found someone is lovely and romantic. She's very happy. He's not asexual himself, by the way. But he is very happy with her too.

However, yes she has told me that she does go through the motions and they do have sex. I think for her, it's more that it makes no odds to her whether they do or not, so she doesn't mind. And I think she enjoys the closeness of it, if not having any particular desire for the act itself.

She's in some asexual clubs or whatever you would call them and has made good friends through that. It seems to be a supportive community. I don't know if looking into that might help you?

Original poster
TabooOfNoSex · 23/02/2023 21:58

She's in some asexual clubs or whatever you would call them and has made good friends through that. It seems to be a supportive community. I don't know if looking into that might help you?

Like I said I’m not sure if I am asexual, but since every googeling attemp I’ve made about not wanting to have sex has always led me to different asexual sites, I have taken a look around them.

And it’s really not very encouraging when most post are about sex (seriously, why are asexuals talking about sex so much😅), wanting sex or like your friend - have sex for their partners sake.

I don’t think I could be with someone who demands that from me.
Though I would be okey with open relationship, as long as it’s only about sex.

Thank you for those who have left kind and helpful comments, I know most people take sex very seriously, so it’s tempting to be bit rude towards those who don’t care about/ want it.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 24/02/2023 00:10

look up AVEN

thymee · 24/02/2023 01:53

This is going to sound counter intuitive, but my advice is to stop actively looking for a relationship.

Instead, look for friends. Lots of them, in all different places. Pursue hobbies and surround yourself with like-minded people. Make that your goal.

Eventually, you will likely meet someone you connect with in a much more natural setting, who will not have prior expectations of you.

GobbieMaggie · 24/02/2023 01:59

SpinningFloppa · 23/02/2023 17:02

The trouble is you will still get sex pest messaging you even if you put that on, it’s like when you put on you only want a serious relationship yet men only looking for sex still message you, probably seeing it’s as a challenge 🙄

I think most men find dating in general challenging.