How do people with low/no sex drive date?

[TabooOfNoSex]

Okey, please try to be kind, I know this is a taboo.

But I can’t be the only person in the world who doesn’t care about sex, bit still would like to find love and companionship.

So, how the hell does someone like me date?

Apps are useless, no secret most over there just want a quick leg over.
And in real life? I’m too scared to say I’m not into sex to men who do ask me out.
I’ve done it before and it always end horrible - been shoited all kinds of abuse, they were scar situations.

I don’t want to give up on hope that love can be real, but I don’t know what to do.

@TabooOfNoSex I am not particularly bothered about sex. I went on a normal dating site and just waited until I felt comfortable having sex (many many months, close to a year or so). Guys who fall in love with you won't mind waiting. At the same time, you get rid of all men who are just looking for sex - say you get to date 10 and no sign of sex, they disappear and I say goodbye to garbage.

I think these asexual websites would attract too many weirdos.

Good luck

@heartbroken40

10 dates!?

I my experience they start bitching and moaning about it by date #2 or 3.
Many bring up sex even before ever meeting.

What vibe do you give? Apparently I give ice queen vibes (I am actually not that at all). If/when they mention sex on date 2-3 pretend not to understand or make it so that they have said something absurd.

For example, they say "would you like to come to my house after dinner"? Answer - tomorrow I'm up early for my spin class, it's already 9pm and by the time we get to yours and I get back home it would he 11. Smile and change topic

"You're so attractive" - answer " yes I also love chatting to you about theatre, never realised someone else could love Harold Pinter as much as I do"

And let me tell you a secret - many (most?) men actually enjoy this back and forth and actually LOVE waiting. Clearly if you're seeing them you're interested and they know. Find the right men and it will be so much fun and amazing the flirting and the deflection. I had a great time while dating!

In fairness, Pinter fans are strange.

Asexual typically doesn't mean nothing ever, I believe the definition is actually less than once a month or so. Maybe someone can confirm?

Based on many of the recent posts on MN, that is seemingly the 'typical' amount those who have hit menopause seem to want... whether that is a desire threshold, or a grudgingly allowing limit by those ladies is anyone's guess.

I think the key is to set expectations at the start of the relationship. If you say once a month is fine, at least that has been agreed. Of course that level can go up, but if it goes down, can you blame partners wanting more and going elsewhere if they were sold a higher original standard?

My husband is asexual. The technical term is heteroromantic asexual - so we kiss, cuddle, have lots of affection but just no sex. I'm not asexual but I just realised that sex just wasn't as important to me as I thought it was after I met him. Our relationship gives me everything I need.

We met randomly through friends and he was open from the start. It took some getting my head around at first as most men want sex. But people who don't do exist!

@Contrition

I don’t follow.
I’m not married.
And I’m not interested in anyone who would force me to have sex.

Are you projecting your own issues here?

Asexual typically doesn't mean nothing ever, I believe the definition is actually less than once a month or so. Maybe someone can confirm?

I truly don’t know at this point.
I think there are people who have just taken the label and run with it, perhaps on line trolling too.
I mean I’ve seen people say they are hypersexual asexuals.
So there doesn’t seem to be a real meaning to the word, that’s why I don’t know/ really want that label.

And also I couldn’t do it once a month, just the idea fills me with dread.

Try smoking marijuana, alcohol, watching porn or reading erotic literature.

No thank you Madam

@Contrition l’ve looked through those weird websites. They seem to have Christian links. Why have you posted that crap on a thread about someone who is asexual? The 2 don’t connect.

Shame more people aren't online on those sites as I bet there's loads of men who can't have sex anymore, or take too much medication, or just don't want it.. but they think a woman won't want them or they don't feel "man enough" so they just walk along us never finding love.

So forcing myself?
Surely, no one tthese days think this is what women have to do?

I think most romantic relationships have an element of sexual tension/spark otherwise they became just friendships. I think what you are asking for (perhaps I am wrong) is hand holding, gentle affection. I am not sure if you're alright with, for want of a teenage word 'petting" I think if not as one poster suggested it might be easier to focus on having friends, including male friends and not focus on a relationship at all.

It's a shame if the label of asexual has been co-opted, I used to find Aven to be a really supportive space back around 15 years ago when I used to look at it.